If anyone can arrange to get rid of Andy Rooney this year, I'd be very grateful. I can't stand that guy.

"Doesn't bother you that Depends claim to help you prevent uncomfortable accidents but bulge out really far so that it is clear that you are wearing Depends. Doesn't that just make things more embarassing? And why is it that they are only designed to hold one or two "accidents"? I once peed twice and pooped in my diaper and it started leaking at the seams. Should I really have to change it everytime I go in them? When you think about it, isn't that the point of wearing adult diapers? So that you don't have to get up everytime you need to go? And why is it that if you choose not to change your soiled diaper for several hours you start to develop a rash? Shouldn't they prevent that as well? And why do they call it an accident even when you do it on purpose? Blah blah blah blah blah..."

And now that I've made that offer, put me down for Andy.