Have you ever wondered what it is like to be an opinionated a*****e who b***hes about practically everything? Do you ever wonder how an opinionated a*****e who b***hes about practically everything feels about things? How should you approach an opinionated a*****e who b***hes about practically everything?

I'm hoping that this thread will help to bridge the social gap between opinionated a*****es who b***h about practically everything and the rest of the population.

Please, feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will do my best to answer them. I'm pretty sure there are other opinionated a*****es who b***h about practically everything on here, so if I'm not available to answer your question I am sure someone else can step in. (Bornbad, Moe, Leehblanc, Melgesevad, I'm looking at you guys.)

I work with an opinionated a*****e who constantly b***hes about everything.

What would be the best way to make him shut up?

Hey, a*****e! You're forgetting someone on that list!
<<<<<<

Anyways, How the f**k are you, my a*****e friend?

My boss is an O.A.W.C.B.A.E.
That's tough, cuz I can't tell her to just shut up.
Any advice?

Yay, I didn't make the list!

I'd like to ask you something, are you my dad?

You know what kills me? When some other opinionated a*****e b****es posts a thread encouraging people to ask me questions. Funny you should start this thread today... there is a construction project starting at my place of employment, and the email was coming fast and furious from the "tree huggers" b****ing about the loss of trees. What they DON'T know, and what I was holding back, is that for every tree taken down, we have to plant another somewhere on campus. Not wanting to start with my best material, I led with this:

The average stick-built home in the United States (approx. 2500 sq. ft.) consumes 64 trees. This does not count furnishings. I like trees as much as the next guy, but unless I’m living in a tent, bemoaning the removal of trees for a purpose seems quite hypocritical.

Well, I think I led off a little too well. There hasn't been a response in two hours :)

EDIT: It is an honor to be named in this list by the Great DEP :)

I'm a passive aggressive opinionated quasi-a*****e who kinda b***hes about nearly everything.

Does that count?

People who b***h about everything are idiots.

Wait. Paradox! Opinion loop!

*alarm!* *alarm!* The ship is going down!

Here is a quick phrase that I want you to practice on him. "No it's not." -or- "No it doesn't."

Don't back that up with any supporting evidence, even when he asks for it. Eventually he will get sick of your bulls**t and stop talking to you.

Man, that's a tough one. Your boss, huh? Wow. You're pretty much f**ked.

The best way would be to wear the same socks while you are out in the field from now until September. Then stuff them, dirty and stinky, into his mouth, securing them in place with Duct Tape. Since local law enforcement might have something to say about that, the next best way would be to find a way to call him a whiny b***h in the nicest possible way. You know... "you remind me of my nephew. He goes on and on about ______. He's the cutest little 4 year old EVER"

You COULD do what I do here at work... Remember all of the dumb things she says. Then wait... a week, maybe two. Then make sure you casually invoke the truth whilst talking to a colleague and the boss is nearby. OR, (and I do this to someone here) EVERY TIME she walks by, be sure to include a sentence in conversation that has the phrases "total idiot", "smacktard", "imbecile", etc. It's subtle, but it will eventually work.

Gee thanks <_<
Some help you are! :)

Wait, hold on... I'm thinking about adding you to my panel of experts.

I'm an opinionated a*****e. We should form a club.

Don't you have some mothers to stalk instead of wasting bandwidth with crap like this?

Ok - you ask your waitress "What's the best beer you have on tap?"

She answers with something like "we have Bud Light, and Miller Light, and.." and names off the yellow tinted crap that some people think is beer.

What is the proper response to her?

"I said beer, not piss or vinegar." Then cap her ass.

What is: "I'm sorry, I said beer, not moose piss."?

What a brat! :P

Funny, but a brat

There is no real response. You just get up and walk out.

This reminds me of the time I asked the bartender at a restaurant/bar what imports they had. She said "Sam Adams."

"That's your import list?" I asked.

"Yes," she said.

"You imported that all the way from Boston?" I asked.

She stared back at me blankly, blinked a couple times.

"You know what, nevermind," I said. Then I turned around and left.