Work Stories : RSS 0.91

Haven @ 5/17/2008 7:20:24 PM

« Marz : I work on a voluntary phone line that's for people who are suicidal, in despair, or just need to talk to someone. I've some pretty horrific stories, of people in terrible situations, or states of mind, though I can't go into detail as we're confidential.

But we do get people using us as a sex line a LOT. We're not a free number, they still pay the price of a local call, so why they just don't go on the net or ring a proper sex line is beyond me. We are also not allowed hang up on people, unless they are abusive or "abusing the service", e.g, wanking down the phone (You'd be surprised how quickly you get used to that sound...). Even then, we have to give a warning first, and remind them that if they really need us, they can still call.

This means that some callers have found ways to make sure you can't hang up on them. They invent huge long stories or problems, usually sexual in nature, and will stick the emotional side of it, until they launch the "bomb" at the end of it. You soon recognise these callers, it's a sixth sense you gain after another guy (Or even some women) has tried a story only to ask you to ask him why the kids call him Long John.

So we listen, can't hang up, KNOWING where it's going. It's the only part of the job I hate. I understand that people have real sexual problems that lead to emotional despair or distress, and I will give everyone a chance. But it makes me cross that these callers, usually the same few people, can't be found and banned or that we can't get rid of them. We don't trace calls or anything, as we are totally confidential, but I wonder how many genuine callers can't get through when these idiots are on to us.

That sucks. As we are a toll free number, we get a lot of people who are panting into the phone as they talk to us. At least we get to hang up on them.

Marz @ 5/17/2008 6:30:49 PM

I work on a voluntary phone line that's for people who are suicidal, in despair, or just need to talk to someone. I've some pretty horrific stories, of people in terrible situations, or states of mind, though I can't go into detail as we're confidential.

But we do get people using us as a sex line a LOT. We're not a free number, they still pay the price of a local call, so why they just don't go on the net or ring a proper sex line is beyond me. We are also not allowed hang up on people, unless they are abusive or "abusing the service", e.g, wanking down the phone (You'd be surprised how quickly you get used to that sound...). Even then, we have to give a warning first, and remind them that if they really need us, they can still call.

This means that some callers have found ways to make sure you can't hang up on them. They invent huge long stories or problems, usually sexual in nature, and will stick the emotional side of it, until they launch the "bomb" at the end of it. You soon recognise these callers, it's a sixth sense you gain after another guy (Or even some women) has tried a story only to ask you to ask him why the kids call him Long John.

So we listen, can't hang up, KNOWING where it's going. It's the only part of the job I hate. I understand that people have real sexual problems that lead to emotional despair or distress, and I will give everyone a chance. But it makes me cross that these callers, usually the same few people, can't be found and banned or that we can't get rid of them. We don't trace calls or anything, as we are totally confidential, but I wonder how many genuine callers can't get through when these idiots are on to us.

madhatteraggie @ 5/17/2008 6:08:37 PM

OK, this is from when I was working at the library.

I was working circulation(which is the area you go to check out your books) one night and I had this customer, who was hot, approach me with an arm full of books. Nothing bad right? That is until I started noticing all the books he was taking out. "The History of Lucifer" "Satan's Biography" etc. etc. and he even had a few books on hold relating to this.

Then as I'm almost done checking all his books out he notices my dragon pendant and says "So you're a follower?" I was confused for a second and then said no. He then leans over the counter, grabbing my hand and says "If you want I can show you what a true god is."

I managed to pull my hand out from his and gave him all his books. He left and kept coming back to the library every so often asking to see me or when he did see me asking me if I wanted to expore the darkside with him. After a couple of more times I called security and he was no longer welcomed at the library.

I know, before you say it, why not report him sooner? Because do you guys realize how many nutcases go to the library? If I reported every single one of them we wouldn't have had any patrons!

Maven @ 5/17/2008 6:04:21 PM

« craziesean : Sorry, I hope my call didnt offend! Hey Dont Judge ME!!!!

The least you could have done was actually bought a replacement pair.

craziesean @ 5/17/2008 6:02:37 PM

« Maven :

There was also a guy who'd call in wanting information about high heeled lace up boots. He's ask all sorts of questions, really going in to detail, and then make some comment about having to replace his mom's pair of boots because he'd jizzed in them, broken them, stretched them out, etc. Just about every who worked there talked to him at one point or another.

Sorry, I hope my call didnt offend! Hey Dont Judge ME!!!!

horsefeathers @ 5/17/2008 6:00:31 PM

« teresag : And did you report him?

In a sense yes. See my long story post a few posts below my original.

Maven @ 5/17/2008 5:49:17 PM

I worked the special orders desk at a weatern wear catalog order place. We got lots of calls with people wanting unusual sizes, or items that we'd quit carrying a few years back, or just wanted specific measurements for regular stock. This was my job--track it down, measure the item, etc.

So it wasn't too unusual for someone to want to know the exact dimensions of a pair of jeans. I got the style and size she was looking for, and then said I would need her phone number so I could call her back after measuring. Instead, she starts in on how much she likes roomy jeans, and that the fit is really important. She's very pleasant, doesn't seem to be in a hurry, but still hasn't given me her name and number. After repeating the request the third time, I figure what the heck and just listen to her babble on.

And then she says "I have to buy roomy jeans because I just really like to sit around and fart in them. It's not as comfortable in tight jeans."

Oooookay....

There was also a guy who'd call in wanting information about high heeled lace up boots. He's ask all sorts of questions, really going in to detail, and then make some comment about having to replace his mom's pair of boots because he'd jizzed in them, broken them, stretched them out, etc. Just about every who worked there talked to him at one point or another.

donteatpoop @ 5/17/2008 5:40:39 PM

Another call center story.

We kept got a few complaints from the employees about one of the guys who worked there, apparently he kept picking his nose and eating the boogers. Not even trying to hide it, just sort of facing everyone and digging away before popping them in his mouth.

We weren't really sure how to bring it up, and we all fought about who was going to tell him.

One of the supervisors tried the "rules" approach.

He walked up to the kid and said "Hey, there's no eating allowed in your booth."

So the kid said "I wasn't eating anything."

"Are you sure?" The sup asked. "Cause I kind of thought I saw you chewing on something."

"Nope," the kid sid, obviously not getting it.

Head hanging low, the supervisor returned to the back office feeling defeated. That's where I stepped in.

I walked up to the kid, busted him right as he was digging away in front of his horrified audience of fellow callers and I said; "You gotta stop picking your nose and eating your boogers in front of everyone like this. It's f**king disgusting."

He was shocked. His finger stilled in mid pick and his jaw dropped. I turned around and walked away, a awkward silence hanging in the air. Then the callers on the floor erupted into laughter and I glanced over my shoulder to the see the kid huddled in his cubicle and facing the screen.

We never had another complaint about him again.

teresag @ 5/17/2008 2:03:36 PM

« horsefeathers : I had a male coworker expose his boner to me, and then later he ejaculated on a female coworkers office chair.

And did you report him?

CheZ @ 5/14/2008 2:33:51 AM

I used to work as a pbx operator for a community college...
Now while I probably have 4 pages worth of idiot stories; this is one of the classics:

One time we got a call from a girl who needed the number to FIU (Florida International University.) We don't technically have to give this number out as it's a completely different school (think calling mcdonalds to ask for bk's #) but we do have one of their numbers on a list of local schools, no one really updates this list as it's pointless.

Coworker: miami dade kendall campus, this is xxxx; how may I direct your call? (and yes we had to say that long ass greeting or we'd get in trouble)
Girl: Hi, is this FIU?
Coworker: No, this MDC.
Girl: Well, give me their number.
Coworker: I have one number here, it says its ()*%#%$%$%
Girl: thanks bye.

2 minutes laters she calls back and I answer:

Me: MDC Kendall campus this is chez. How may I direct your call?
Girl: SOMEONE GAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!
me: excuse me?
Girl: give me the number to FIU!
me: ma'am this is miami dade college, we're not affiliated with FIU.
girl: someone there gave me the wrong number to them. GIVE ME THE RIGHT NUMBER!
me: ok ma'am let me check... the number we have here is ()*#()%%
girl: That's a wrong number!
me: it's the number we have.
girl: whatever b***h! *click*

5 seconds later

coworker: Mdc blah blah
girl: YOU HAVE A b***h IN YOUR OFFICE GIVING OUT THE WRONG NUMBER! PUT HER ON!
coworker laughs and passes her to my line -.- mind you i'm sitting right next to him. So I hold back from smacking him.
me: mdc blah blah
girl: LOOK b***h GIVE ME THE NUMBER NOW!
me: ma'am please refrain from using insults or I will have to disconnect you
girl: f**k--*I disconnect her*

she calls back (now mind you at this point we're just laughing at the psycho)

me: (in a sweet, cheery voice) MDC blah blah
girl: LOOK b***h I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, I'M GOING TO SMASH YOUR FACE WITH A BASEBALL BAT!
me: hahahahah f**k you c**trag, buhbye!

she kept calling so we decided to transfer her to different departments after that until she stopped.

Really... how hard is just dialing 411 or googling it? sheesh!

wow this is long; Sorry!

haven @ 5/14/2008 1:39:56 AM

I'm a smart ass.
"Is the passenger 22-64 years of age?"
"Yes, why? What happens at 65?"
Couldn't help it.
"At that point, unfortunately you would no longer be welcome on our aircraft."
She couldn't stop laughing. I don't think she heard me actually explain the concept of a senior discount.

Moe @ 5/13/2008 12:20:47 AM

Interesting that three of us actually worked at music stores. I used to work at Music City, a local place when I was in 12th grade.

It is amazing how many people expect you to read their minds when they want an album. I never had much luck picking out what they were looking for except this one time.

EDIT: Damn youtube refuses to embed anymore...is this a new thing? Anyways here is a link to the one song I was able to guess.

coldbladed @ 5/12/2008 8:53:42 PM

I was an RA for 3 years during college and one of those years was at a 21+ dorm (yes alcohol was allowed but thats not relevant to this story).

There was this girl living there who had a verbally abusive boyfriend that lived off campus. He may have been physically abusive too but we had no way of knowing.

One day this girl came into one of the lounge areas bleeding from her wrists and asking for help. Thankfully she hadn't done a very good job of it and was patched up rather quickly at the hospital. It turned out that her boyfriend had been telling her what a waste of his time she was, she should just kill herself, etc etc, and I guess for a short time at least she bought into it.

We banned him from the hall and would call the cops every time he tried to sneak in. But she still said she loved him and would try and help him sneak in...

suebe @ 5/12/2008 6:56:40 PM

The Music School - Part 2

First a little background about the music school proprietor. He lived 3 houses away from me and was my piano teacher from age 5 - 8. I didn't have a piano then, so I used to practice at his house. I always felt uncomfortable around him. Hated to practice, and by the time I was 8 I started getting "itchy" during my piano lessons at the studio. I switched to another teacher and my dear parents bought me my piano, which I still have. No more practicing at his house.

I started working after school at the studio when I was 14, running the office and teaching piano lessons. The proprietor, Mr. Ross, would try to touch me. I would hit him, he was very slight in build and about my size, and would threaten him by saying I would tell my father, who was NYPD Detective. He never tried again.

A few years later, I needed to give him a message while he was teaching a young boy, maybe 7 or so, a drum lesson. The boy was tapping rhythm on Mr. Ross's leg, and Mr. Ross moved his hand onto his crotch. I was horrified.

The little boy told one of his friends, a girl, about the incident. She told her mother, who proceeded to blackmail Mr. Ross. She wanted free guitar lessons and speakers for her electric guitar. Mr. Ross told me about this, told me where I could find cash for bail if he was arrested, and then I got to give this woman her free guitar lessons. He wasn't arrested for this incident.

I ran into him many years ago after the studio closed. He was still giving private lessons at students' homes. I still wish he got caught and punished for what he did to, who knows, how many kids.

A few years ago I told my mother about these incidents for the first time. She was so upset that she had trusted this man as a teacher.

pocksucket @ 5/12/2008 3:41:07 PM

« nesbyniccolo : Okay i only have this one thing.
I used to work in & run my father's Record stores from the time I was 16 until i turned 23.
The one thing that almost every customer did in some way, shape, form, or fashion,when looking for Music or a song was this:

I'm looking for a song, I don't know who sings it( man,woman,or group) I don't know any words, I can't remember the beat , I don't know if its old or new , If it was made in th 50's, 60's 70's or'80's. But you know what song i'm taling about right!!!!

And I would always respond much to their dismay,
"How can I ,From your description you don't even know what song your looking for!"

I used to work in a record shop too and I've had that customer.

"I'm after a song. I don't know who it's by or what it's called. Do you have it?"

Took me less than three minutes to get it, and that included the the time to play her a snippet to make sure it was the right track.

It may reflect the shallow emptiness of my life, but that was one of my proudest moments.

It was this little pop gem, in case you're interested:

theclansman @ 5/12/2008 2:22:54 PM

« donteatpoop
So I bought a few cases of beer and sold it out of my trunk for a dollar a bottle. It was great.

This reminds me of how I saved my hockey team. You see, I was playing for the University B ice hockey team and we actually had quite a good team (we even beat the A team), but our biggest problem was attendance. We were ALWAYS short people, and it was killing us.

I started bringing 24 packs of beer and giving them out after the game, I didn't really charge I just took donations and was able to make my $30 investment last all season. but wow was it impressive how NOBODY missed a game anymore, something about sitting in the locker room drinking a cold one just made it too good to be missed.

Sorry, that was a bit off-topic but DEP's post just reminded me and I guess great minds think alike :)

To keep this post on-topic, I spent a summer working at a laundry factory in Scotland. My job consisted of feeding sheets into a bigass dryer, and I worked with 3 other students who were all great guys. The quota was 200 an hour, but all of us could easily do 500 we just usually spent half the time goofing off and would get about 200. Heather, our boss would come by and check how many we did every hour.

One day during lunch we were all just kind of bulls**tting, trying to convince Heather to come out to the bars with us that night since it was basically all of our last week of work. She did NOT want to go but we got her to say that if we could get 2000 sheets done in an hour then she would go. So all four of us worked on one guys machine for an hour, and worked our asses off too! When she came by to check our numbers, which we had no way of knowing, it turned out to be 2007! it was frickin hilarious to see her face when she saw that number, she had NO idea how it happened. we even had time to get everyone else a nice happy quota of 200, so it wasn't totally obvious what we did.

She kept her end of the bargain too, came out and even bought us a round. We ended up telling her how it happened, she found it quite hilarious.

suebe @ 5/12/2008 12:42:54 PM

Part I - The Music School

During high school and college I worked at a music school. I ran the office and also taught piano, guitar and recorder lessons.

One day, the proprietor, called me into a lesson room. He was "practicing" with another teacher's 16 year old female student, while her sister was in her lesson.

He asked me to play the piece on the piano that she was practicing. I sat on the piano bench next to her and started to play. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed some unusual movement. The proprietor had lifted the girl's blouse and was fondling her breasts. She was frozen in place. So was I.

I finished the piece and bolted out of the room into my buddy, a guitar teacher's lesson room. I pulled him out and told him what happened. By this time, the "incident" was over.

My friend talked to the proprietor, quit and took every one of his students with him to his new studio.

nesbyniccolo @ 5/12/2008 12:30:55 PM

Okay i only have this one thing.
I used to work in & run my father's Record stores from the time I was 16 until i turned 23.
The one thing that almost every customer did in some way, shape, form, or fashion,when looking for Music or a song was this:

I'm looking for a song, I don't know who sings it( man,woman,or group) I don't know any words, I can't remember the beat , I don't know if its old or new , If it was made in th 50's, 60's 70's or'80's. But you know what song i'm taling about right!!!!

And I would always respond much to their dismay,
"How can I ,From your description you don't even know what song your looking for!"

imnotyoo @ 5/12/2008 10:10:12 AM

« tomphoolry : How do you co-own part time? Is that like being almost pregnant?

I work part-time at a shop that Zach's mom co-owns.

tomphoolry @ 5/12/2008 10:03:40 AM

« imnotyoo : ...Zach's mom co-owns part time.

How do you co-own part time? Is that like being almost pregnant?

imnotyoo @ 5/12/2008 9:45:42 AM

I once had an interview with a woman who said things like "I like cat" and "I seen it". She asked me to write my daily routine on a piece of paper in cursive. Who makes applicants write in cursive? She gave me a paper that she had typed up for me to read about the job description. I wish I had a copy; this woman had no grasp of the English language, and she was born and raised here.

chinook @ 5/11/2008 10:52:33 PM

The personal hygiene thread reminded me of a work-related story.

I was working for the government in the field one summer, and us girls in camp had a leg-hair growing competition. I didn't shave or wax my legs for 4 months. My legs looked pretty manly, I'll tell you! When I got back home, I couldn't get a waxing appointment immediately, so I decided to shave the legs. My legs were so hairy that it took two razors to shave them. I think this is hilarious, but most people find it disgusting.

pocksucket @ 5/10/2008 6:02:39 PM

« AutumnLotus : At my previous workplace I had a customer called up for a quote. I had to take a message and his name was Rudy Anas. I was giggling inside my head.

Worst comedy name I had to deal with was when I worked for a cable company. My usual call routine was to get account number first then ask the caller to confirm their name and address for DPA purposes.

The way our system worked usually meant that there was a lag between entering the account number and the details coming up on screen. I usually used this gap to ask for the name/address etc. - made it smoother.

So that meant the customer was talking when the name came up - this was good. I don't remember which came first, her saying her name or reading it, but as soon as I was aware of it I had to slide the mute switch on my headset because I'd started to giggle. I used the time that she was telling me her address to compose myself, get it back together. Once she was done, from my tone of voice you would never know I'd found anything amusing.

Unfortunately I set the person sat next to me off laughing, which in turn set me off again when I said:

"OK then, Miss Moist, what can I do for you?"

pocksucket @ 5/10/2008 5:42:27 PM

« Moe : I personally took this photo in Pittsburgh. I did not work there, but just thought it was an interesting pic.

I don't want to turn this into a "Companies with funny names" thread, but these people had a smart business idea.

davethefish @ 5/10/2008 4:37:26 PM

on wednesday, for about an hour, i was under this building trying to locate some ducting, and as the sun was blazing in the sky, and the undercroft was so nice and cold, i started nodding off and having weird fantasy pot holing dreams, which were interupted every five mins by my workmate shouting me about something... Damn him! I was close to finding that demon in the hole!

maven @ 5/10/2008 4:29:55 PM

While I was working computer support, we got a safety notice about people chaining power strips together (ie, one to the wall, one plugged into that one) and had to check every station to make sure no one was doing it. I did a walk through, and discovered just one...The Assistant Director. He had 6 power strips chained together going from the wall outlet all the way around his desk to the computer underneath. On prompting, he explained that he didn't want to have a cord going through the provided hole in his desk--it looked tacky.

I know this is cliched, but I really did have a woman complain that her computer was broken, it wouldn't turn on. When I went to check,I discovered that the power strip wasn't plugged in. Plugged it in, voila! Just like magic.

A week later, she called back, same problem. I asked if she'd checked the power strip. She said she had, and it was plugged in, but the light didn't come on when she clicked the button. So, thinking it was a dead strip, I grabbed a new one and went to check.

When I got there, I discovered that the power strip was in fact plugged in...To itself. I bit my tongue hard enough to draw blood to avoid laughing hysterically.

jhordie @ 5/10/2008 4:01:31 PM

When I was in college, I worked in the computer lab as a tutor for my workstudy.

I was helping this one woman with her graphics assignment. I took over the mouse to show her something and when I moved the mouse down, the arrow moved up. I'm like, wtf? Then I moved it up and the arrow went down, moved it right the arrow went left.

I looked down and and said to her "Your mouse is upside down". (I don't think I laughed, I was trying to be professional).

She said to me, "Well, I'm used to it that way now."

I couldn't believe it. I don't know if she was just saying that because she was too embarrassed or if she is to this day using her mouse upside down.

Moe @ 5/10/2008 12:32:27 PM

« suebe : I used to work for A.B. Dick Company.
/'nuff said.

I personally took this photo in Pittsburgh. I did not work there, but just thought it was an interesting pic.

http://members.cox.net/phlimm/images/DCorpPic.jpg

imnotyoo @ 5/10/2008 10:32:10 AM

I work at the quilt shop that Zach's mom co-owns part time. There is this old bitty named Mary that goes in and the only person that can handle her is Zach's mom. I had heard stories about her and when I finally actually got to see her, she lived up to the stories I've heard.

Here are some Mary quotes:

-You should frost your hair again.
--I've never frosted my hair.
-No, you did and you should do it again.

-You should go to my hair dresser, but you can afford my hair dresser.

(Zach's mom): This is my soon-to-be daughter-in-law
-Is she pregnant?

(In reference to me again): Was she raised right or did you have to finish raising her?

-You look fat in that picture.

I really wish I could remember some more. When she walks in, everybody mysteriously winds up in the back of the store.

imnotyoo @ 5/10/2008 10:25:43 AM

Once, when I worked a call center, a caller called just tell me a joke. It was a super lame joke, but the concept of calling a 1-800 number just to tell a joke was nice :)

suebe @ 5/10/2008 9:43:50 AM

I used to work for A.B. Dick Company.
/'nuff said.

vexingmodstwo @ 5/10/2008 9:33:22 AM

My first real job was selling copiers. There was a gynecologist in my territory who was a current customer so I had to go and introduce myself.

This wasn't easy. Sitting in his office, trying to keep a straight face, as I went over his account.

His name was Dr. Harry C. Beaver.

AutumnLotus @ 5/10/2008 6:02:37 AM

At my previous workplace I had a customer called up for a quote. I had to take a message and his name was Rudy Anas. I was giggling inside my head.

doggylives @ 5/10/2008 3:31:01 AM

« mobase : As a kid in High School I worked at the local grocery store that was attached to a Drug Store, by a common wall and common parking lot.

I was out gathering carts one night when I see a man running towards me full-tilt, holding a brown bag like a pizza box, with change spilling out of it. Hot on his heels was the drug store security guard, who also happened to be a city cop during the day.

It seems our fleet footed friend had just robbed the Drug Store next door and had stuffed the whole cash drawer inside a brown bag.

As I sorta knew the security guard, without thinking, I point and gesture at the thief as if to say- "You want me to chase?" and he yells "Yes, dammit! Stop him!" So, being the unarmed 17 year old idiot that I was, I turn and give chase, my white apron flapping as we rounded the corner of the building.

At this point, Mr. Bag-o-cash wheels around and something in his hand flashes under the parking lot lights. It was shiny, but pointing at a 90 degree angle from the top of his fist. He pauses, and stuffs in in his coat, allowing the security guard time to catch him.

I say - "He's got a weapon.." so, Skip (The guard) asks this guy if he's got a knife or a gun. He doesn't search him.

He takes him by the arm and begins escorting him back to the drug store. About half way there, our coked out friend reaches inside his jacket and pulls out his little chrome-plated .22 and pulls the trigger point-blank into Skip's chest three times.

As Skip drops, he wheels and fires randomly at me and some customers walking across the parking lot and runs like hell.

I don't remember if he took the money, but after I realized he was gone, I looked at Skip on the ground. He wasn't moving.

It wasn't until they took my statement at the station that I heard over the radio that he had died.

Show off! Ya always gotta try and go one better eh?! lol Seriously though, that's f**ked up.

I have an interesting work story that involves a football, a co-workers head, his desk and missing front teeth but I'll save that for another time.

By the way mobase, I think I may have found the guy who robbed the drug store...

http://www.legendsofamerica.com/photos-oldwest/Great%20Train%20Robbery%20still-500.jpg

Seems to be from the right era :D

haven @ 5/10/2008 1:27:20 AM

I have a very soft girly voice. I had just gotten out of my initial training at this call center, my first job, and I was really nervous. "Was there anything else I could help you with, sir?"
"No, you did just fine... for a 12 year old."

D3SPiTE @ 5/10/2008 12:29:22 AM

wow horse...
That is the most f**ked up story I have ever heard.

horsefeathers @ 5/9/2008 10:29:57 PM

« Sputum:Oh s**t! There must be more to that story.

Alot more to the story but more boring details. I was new at the company- a service writer for a Caterpillar dealer in their truck engine division. He was the other service writer and left an hour before me. Second shift shop techs started at the time he left, but he would always hang around. I was seated, he walked up next to me. It was eye level. First I thought he went to the men's room and forgot to zip it up but then I realized that he probably wouldn't have a boner if that was the case. He also had a file folder in his hand. As soon as he heard a second shift tech open the office door, he conveniently put the file in front of him. I told one person because I was freaked out. I had been there a few months. He had worked there 15 years. I was afraid that no one would believe me being the newbie, and I would be seen as trying to stir up trouble. A few weeks after, he knew some sales people were coming back for an evening meeting. The one salesperson was a woman and he would always hang in her office. As they were all pulling in for the meeting, he was just pulling out of the parking lot. She walked in her office and noticed something on her chair and got a male salesperson who realized it was what she thought it was. They locked her chair in the closet as evidence. Next day she asked me to meet her in the back of the shop and told me all the details. He had been calling her at home, leaving her voice mails. The person that I told, told her what happened to me. She asked if I would tell my story and that someone from the main office would be calling me. I had to go back into my office and work with him and act normal until I got the phone call. I was told to get up and just leave and not tell anyone where I was going, not even my boss knew what was going on. Her and I were summoned to the main office branch.

The first time I ever met the owner/president of the company was to tell him exactly what happened and all the details. They kept us there and went to our branch and fired him. They also called police and told her and I that if we wanted to file charges, the company would stand behind us 100%. The company had 8 branch offices. News spread like wild fire. I think for awhile the company was worried about a lawsuit. Once the initial shock for everyone cooled off, it was then a running joke that someone saw him working at Excitement video.

He had also offered to give me spending money when I went on vacation. I declined. If stress was running high on a particular workday, he would come up behind me and rub my shoulders. He was just a little weasely thing. I could have kicked his ass! Maybe I should have.

6 years after the incident, we moved to a new building, and that chair was still locked in the same closet.

Sputum @ 5/9/2008 9:57:34 PM

« horsefeathers : I had a male coworker expose his boner to me, and then later he ejaculated on a female coworkers office chair.

Oh s**t! There must be more to that story.

horsefeathers @ 5/9/2008 9:48:39 PM

« donteatpoop : So you have met Moe?

No, it was Mobase. After that we ran away together, it was the chair that won me over.

donteatpoop @ 5/9/2008 9:42:53 PM

« horsefeathers:I had a male coworker expose his boner to me, and then later he ejaculated on a female coworkers office chair.

So you have met Moe?

Moe @ 5/9/2008 9:42:13 PM

« horsefeathers : I had a male coworker expose his boner to me, and then later he ejaculated on a female coworkers office chair.

...

horsefeathers @ 5/9/2008 9:41:31 PM

I had a male coworker expose his boner to me, and then later he ejaculated on a female coworkers office chair.

donteatpoop @ 5/9/2008 9:28:00 PM

I worked in a different call center prior to this one. Worked there for seven, almost eight years. Then one day a big shot from headquarters came down and told us they were closing the place down.

We were crushed. It was possibly the most enjoyable place to work ever. Surveys over the phone. Everyone was real cool, we had a lot of fun there.

Anyway, I figured that during the last 45 days that we would be open I was going to do something to both lighten the mood and line my pockets with some cash.

So I bought a few cases of beer and sold it out of my trunk for a dollar a bottle. It was great.

vexingmodstwo @ 5/9/2008 9:03:14 PM

« mobase :

It wasn't until they took my statement at the station that I heard over the radio that he had died.

DUDE! That's brutal.

Sorry you had to see that, man.

jhordie @ 5/9/2008 8:48:08 PM

Ummm... I was going to tell my story, but after Mobase... how the hell do I tell something funny now? Holy sh*t

donteatpoop @ 5/9/2008 8:28:36 PM

« mobase : I looked at Skip on the ground. He wasn't moving.

It wasn't until they took my statement at the station that I heard over the radio that he had died.

Wow. Crazy.

mobase @ 5/9/2008 8:25:55 PM

As a kid in High School I worked at the local grocery store that was attached to a Drug Store, by a common wall and common parking lot.

I was out gathering carts one night when I see a man running towards me full-tilt, holding a brown bag like a pizza box, with change spilling out of it. Hot on his heels was the drug store security guard, who also happened to be a city cop during the day.

It seems our fleet footed friend had just robbed the Drug Store next door and had stuffed the whole cash drawer inside a brown bag.

As I sorta knew the security guard, without thinking, I point and gesture at the thief as if to say- "You want me to chase?" and he yells "Yes, dammit! Stop him!" So, being the unarmed 17 year old idiot that I was, I turn and give chase, my white apron flapping as we rounded the corner of the building.

At this point, Mr. Bag-o-cash wheels around and something in his hand flashes under the parking lot lights. It was shiny, but pointing at a 90 degree angle from the top of his fist. He pauses, and stuffs in in his coat, allowing the security guard time to catch him.

I say - "He's got a weapon.." so, Skip (The guard) asks this guy if he's got a knife or a gun. He doesn't search him.

He takes him by the arm and begins escorting him back to the drug store. About half way there, our coked out friend reaches inside his jacket and pulls out his little chrome-plated .22 and pulls the trigger point-blank into Skip's chest three times.

As Skip drops, he wheels and fires randomly at me and some customers walking across the parking lot and runs like hell.

I don't remember if he took the money, but after I realized he was gone, I looked at Skip on the ground. He wasn't moving.

It wasn't until they took my statement at the station that I heard over the radio that he had died.

craziesean @ 5/9/2008 8:04:39 PM

« Muppetmaker : I too have... ummm... Mouse issues....

Can you come and help me?

UM sure...if you want I'll help. but i got to warn ya i got some big strong calloused hands. but I can help you with your *ahem* Mouse issues!

Muppetmaker @ 5/9/2008 7:40:54 PM

« Maven : ...I cleaned both your balls. Everything's smooth now."

I too have... ummm... Mouse issues....

Can you come and help me?

craziesean @ 5/9/2008 7:35:34 PM

when i was a pup i worked as a baker for a mom & pop coffee shop. i'd get to work at 2am and bake till 7am when we opened. this night i get to work @ 158am and crank up the music and start my baking. the music was so loud i never hear the phone ring, but at appox. 337am 12 cops kick in both the front and back door with guns drawn. i scream like a lil girl with a skinned knee. and put my hands up. the big ol' cop in front looks me square in the eye and says "What you got in your hand boy?!" and I say in a weak voice," its a scone sir!" the clever policeman retorts, "does it have fruit in it?" and i say at the point of passing out "no chocolate chips sir". he holsters his gun and says " I'm gonna have to relieve you of that scone son!" and he took the scone and walked away. I thought for sure no one would believe this story but as i was being questioned why i didnt answer the phone or the numerous loud knocks, i saw my brother standing outside smiling and waving at me. I never got him that good......yet!

donteatpoop @ 5/9/2008 2:37:00 PM

Tell us a story about something that happened where you work (or worked).

I'll start us out with this one.

I work in a call center. We had one of the TVs on one night, set to ESPN classics. It was one of the old Lakers/Celtics games, back when Magic and Bird were both playing. They had the short shorts and all that.

This older woman stands up and asks loudly. "Whose winning the game? I got some money on this one."