UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI ENTRANCE EXAM- FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
Time Limit: 3 WKS

1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
B. sail the ocean
C. lead an army or
D. WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
A. Jewish
B. Catholic
C. Hindu
D. Polish
E. Agnostic (check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little
hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
B. Southerners
C. Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one
being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
A. Macy's
B. a 7-11
C. Canada
D. the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
A. yes
B. no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what
country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
A. New York
B. Florida
C. Canada
C. Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples
do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The University of Miami tradition for efficiency began
when? (approximately)
A. B.C.
B. A.D.
D. still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to
qualify.



2

Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.





3

Dennis Miller's Advice to Men About What Women Want

1 - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.

2 - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to
subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.

3 - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity
and power they possess as lifegivers and come up with some
decent, affordable childcare. That way, maybe poor single
mothers can go to work and get off welfare and we won't have
to listen to any more idiots in Congress blathering about
orphanages.

4 - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys.
Look at... say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle
next to you. You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's
a slacking, worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30
percent less than Carl. Hellooo ...

5 - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask,
"Who's your daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not
funny.



6 - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be
coming out. Words are kind of important.

7 - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-
hill rock stars to have women their own age in their videos.

8 - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now,
Clouseau, you should *know* if she came.

9 - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to
ask for directions.

10 - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off
your d**k in your sleep, take it like a man.

What's an 'exqam'?

Edit: Nevermind... you fixed the typo and my attempt at a joke is FAIL!

Worked for me...*heh*