Nice story I really liked it, do you have more?

A guy was driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale"

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagle sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Beagle replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Beagle looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs."

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.

I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's such a bulls**tter ... He never did any of that crap. He was in the Air Force!!!!

Bravo!!! I loved it!!!

The joke/story was so long, but the punchline was so worth it. Good job.

I'm glad. I was afraid I would get downvoted into oblivion for posting that.

Can someone get upvoted into oblivion?

I'm not sure about that, but you can get upvoted to level 6 - which you and icepigs just did for me. Thanks!

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, a husband returns the boat to the lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude
are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning,Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies,(thinking, "Isn't that; obvious?").

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,"he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I 'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game
Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment.For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.


MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is
likely she can;also think.

Really Terrible Joke... (Im posting this just to show my FAFA)
The balloon family are in bed, during the night there's a thunder storm and the baby balloon is scared so he goes to his parents room and tries to squeeze in their bed.

It's tiny so he lets some air out of his dad but still can't get in so he lets some air out of his mum but he still can't get in.

Desperate needs, he lets a lot of air out of himself and then fits in.

In the morning his dad is furious.

He says "Son you've let me down, you've let your Mum down, but most of all you've let yourself down".

And now an inappropriate joke (not much worse than the previous):

A Japanese guy, an American backpacker, a Han Chinese man, and a local Tibetan are riding on a bus.

The Japanese guy is listening to the latest and greatest mp3 player, but after a short while he tosses it out the window. The Chinese man asks him, "Why would you throw out a new mp3 player?" To which the Japanese guy responds, "In my country we have so many mp3 players that the one I got rid of was basically worthless."

A few minutes later, the American is observed opening a carton of expensive American cigarettes. He cracks open a single pack, smokes two or three of them, and then tosses the whole carton out the window. The Chinese man asks him, "Why would you throw out a whole carton of imported cigarettes?" The backpacker responds, "In my country we have so much tobacco that a single carton is basically worthless."

Having overheard these conversations, the Tibetan local grabs the Chinese man and throws him out the window.

Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

-What do you call a fish with no eyes?
-A fsh.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

Dyslexic man walks into a bra...
A seal walks into a club...

So you only recently discovered http://www.groaners.org?


EDIT: I'm a fvckin genius.

A man was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at
him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." He
replied that he felt great.
The man went to work where his boss took one look at him and said,
"What is the matter with you? You look terrible." The man replied that
there was nothing wrong with him and that he felt great. The man went
to lunch with a client and the client looked at him and said, "What is
the matter with you? You look terrible."
The man again replied that he felt great.
The client suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked
so bad.
The man went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the
examining room and saw him the doctor said, "My god, you look
terrible."
The man explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible
but that he felt great.
The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" The man reiterated that
he definitely felt great! The doctor got out his medical book and
looked up "looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the
subsection "feels great".
The doctor said, "I found it right here under 'looks terrible, feels
great'. The man, at this point very nervous, inquired to the doctor,
"Tell me, what is it?"
The doctor replied, "According to my book... you're a vagina!"