Ok so everynow I wonder around on craigslist looking for gems of information or for a laugh. Anywho here is something that I had to share.



Anyone else find anything that is a good laugh?

Special-Needs Penguin

That's adorable.

Image might not be SFW - but if I had the room for this thing, I totally would have driven up there to bring it home.

Pink Upholstered V*gina Couch


I love living in the Bay area.

This was one of my first posts (can't find the Plime link right now)... it still cracks me up and is the first one I think of when I see "best of craigslist":

The Time I Lost Control of My Bowels at the Waterp....

This one's for dolly

One of my favourites:

Free Cat

I edited your link. Click the edit button to see coding-suebe

sadly this was removed but it was humorous:



To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST


I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

hehehehehe

Quite possibly the best automobile ad ever



NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County )
________________________________________
Reply to: sale-926508578@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-19, 10:04PM MST
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women) . My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck . It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on . It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things . No, that's what your Prius is for . If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now . I mean it . Just stop .

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis . They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what On Star is) .

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need . It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops . It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery . It even has a first-aid kit in the back . You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself . The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time . It's saved my bacon more than once .

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes . There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun . I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man .

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers . And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it . That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab . Would it hurt? Hell yeah . Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore .

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass . Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name . It will live on as a monument to your machismo .

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see . If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me . I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you . And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash .

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants . Yeah, you heard me . FREE MC Hammer pants .

Rock on .

one of my first posts (can't find the Plime link right now)

found using g4 utility written by that great software developer.
Searched for 235728006.html in - plime

Edit : oh gnikgnok made his comment a year back :-)

I don't mind sucking you off, but here's what I need from you.


Wow. It's been great making out with you, a real live boy, on this couch for 15 minutes. I can see that now, after the conversation we had and the beer you bought me after your friend introduced us at the party, you think it's about time you enjoyed the fruits of your labor. About time you got a blow job from me.

And let me tell you, you came to the right place. Because the world is populated by guys like you; in fact I'm willing to bet there's not one man in the whole wide world who doesn't think he deserves an on-the-couch blow job the first time he makes out with someone, so fear not. This is territory that any girl over the age of 15 has seen many, many times. So don't think I won't do it. There's just a few things I need from you first.

First, I would appreciate it if you would wash your genitals once a day. Just once a day. Heck, you can even do it while you're IN the shower washing anyway. Because guys like you -- don't blame me for presuming -- often live under the gross misunderstanding that their genitals do not stink. Oddly, this is simultaneously the VERY SAME reason they give for not giving us girls oral sex. Listen while I compare the maintenance habits of me and you -- it'll only take a second and I'll get right to it, swear to God.

So. Here's what girls do. We scrub our genitals -- front to back, inside and out -- every day under a high-pressure stream of hot water, using expensive soap designed to both moisturize and leave a pleasant scent. Then we shave most of our genitals. You might think that's an easy task. No, no, my friend. It is not easy. It requires bending, twisting, squatting, stretching and sometimes a hand-held mirror. It must be done every day, but it cannot be rushed. What may be passed off as a "nick" on, say, my knees or your face, can rise to the level of emergency-room-visit when wielding a sharp object so near one's particulars. So. The shaving. Then once a month we go to a snooty spa and spend $80 -- without tip -- for a wax. That's even more fun. That's where we climb up on a table wearing paper panties and then a stranger walks in and starts applying hot wax to our genitals. Often they ask us to assume a particalurly demeaning position -- on all fours, say, or holding one ankle above our heads -- to get every last hair off. And, dude, it hurts. Really. Once we're properly hairless, then we apply TendSkin to prevent red bumps, lotion to prevent any flaky skin and high-priced exfoliating scrub every other day to prevent ingrown hairs. When all is well, we scent our panties and go about our dressing for our big date with you, the super cute boy. Why all this preparation, you ask? It's just so that when we DO manage to be making out with you, you can scrunch up your nose, look at our genitals and say that you "don't do that." You're like, "Sorry, it's not you, I just don't..." And we're like, "Oh, no. It's OK," secretly resenting every painful minute of our genital-prep time. OK, OK, that's us. Now here's you.

You probably run a wet bar of Irish Spring under your armpits every morning and, if we're lucky, maybe take a swipe near your unmentionables. That's the beginning and the end, am I right? You might be surprised to find that Irish Spring or no, you STILL may be stinky. It's true! See, guys secrete sweat and stuff down there, just like girls. And it's an area that never gets any sunlight or fresh air, just like girls. You piss and s**t and sometimes it doesn't all go away, just like girls. You have hair down there, just like girls. See where I'm going with this? You may stink as bad -- nay, worse! -- than me, the lucky lady about to put your cock and balls in my mouth. But have you ever heard a girl say she "doesn't do that"? Exactly. We don't say that. So do me a favor, please, and tomorrow start scrubbing your gentials with the same fervor I scrub mine. And consider buying wet toilet paper, it really does help you stay clean throughout the day. Anytime you think you might be perfectly clean, just rub a finger around your testicles and butt crack, then smell it. If comes up Irish Spring, perfect. If not, just think. I'm going to have to put my face in that.

So. Sorry to blabber on so long. I promise I'm almost done and we can start the fabuloso blow job I know you've been thinking about ever since that fateful night when you looked at me and said, "'Sup?" Just a couple more things. Listen to me now. I give pretty good blowjobs. Seriously. I do. For a non-porn-star, I'm willing to bet this is about as good as you're ever going to get. But hear me out. If you want to put your d**k in my mouth, that is perfectly fine with me. But you need to respect the fact that my teeth were there first. I can't, sadly, do anything with them as the Good Lord has seen fit to leave me all my teeth at this late age of 26 and I don't have dentures. So if you have a serious problem with teeth touching your penis, here's what I suggest you do: Don't put your d**k in other people's mouths. See, that's where all the teeth are. It is soooo easy to avoid getting my teeth against your d**k. Just stop putting it in my mouth. Voila! If you insist on putting your d**k in my mouth, and I can see that you do, I can promise to do my best to dis-locate my jaw to give you a blowjob that is all suck, spit and tongue. But sometimes you may feel a tooth. Whoops! No need to freak out. The same goes for anal sex, should we ever find ourselves down that path in the future. If you ever want to put your d**k up my ass, and don't even pretend, I know you will, that's OK. As long as I feel like you care about me and respect me, that's totally OK. But if I let you put your d**k up my butthole, please don't freak out if, afterward, you discover a speck of fecal matter on your penis on our way to the shower. Wow. That really embarasses me, believe me. No need to point it out. And if you do point it out, I can tell you there's a simple solution for not getting fecal matter on your penis. What you do is, stop putting it in other people's a*****es. See how easy that is?

But I digress. We're not talking about anal sex here, are we? We're talking about oral sex, about the blowjob you expect from me because you got me that Amstel Light at the show, when you totally could've just gone Coors Light. My hat's off, sir. You deserve a treat. So here goes. Now that we've had this little talk, I hope our oral sex experiences can be positive for both of us. Oh. One last thing. I'm going to swallow, OK?, and that doesn't mean I love you and want to marry you. That means I'll taste it less and won't have your semen coursing over my tongue as I spit it out. So don't read anything into that. Thanks for listening, and enjoy.


this is in or around Atlanta
PostingID: 42452492



CraigsList

She forgot to add "And WHAT I'm taking into my mouth and swallowing on your behalf is of you, from you, all about YOU. If this will mean you can't kiss me afterwards, say so right now. Then go wash."

Nice!

I'm sure Dolly hated it, but THAT's funny.

Well, it's a Nissan, so it' already not manly.

Gimme a Chevy or a Ford, then we'll talk.

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST.

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.

I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. It was not cold, but I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you left your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I didn't want your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explained your situation. I bought myself and four other people in the gas station a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the driver side.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I got in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I'd like to apologize for not killing you, and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I hope you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. - Alex