During my short stint at Sears, I had a customer wanting to buy some shelves. They were too big to carry out so they had to be picked up by the MPU's(Merchandise Pick Up). To do this, the customer has to purchase the item at the register, give their name, number and address(for verification) the guy gets all pissed off at me and says, "CAN'T I JUST BUY THE SHELVES!?" I explained that this was procedure. Should I even mention that he was wearing Scrubs. Maybe he was a doctor. If he was, he was ill mannered one that made House seem friendly! He got all mad and left. Hey no skin off my back. You're a jerk, dude! About 2 hours later, a woman came in and bought the same exact shelves, and went through the order process. Yes it was the wife. As she walked away, I thought to myself. I am sorry your husband is such a jerk. She was nice. That is ONE of my customer from hell stories. I have many. I have had bad service from many places. Not just Wal-Mart. I just go in and do my shopping.

I've done my time at the local Radioshack and people Loved to come in with odd requests...

"I'd like to power a light on my wall. I don't want a cord running to it though, can I get something that sends power to it wirelessly?"

But it's just as much fun to turn the tables on the Walmart crowd.

"Excuse me, do you have any wire with RG11 ends?"
(Telephone wire)

"These are all A's and AA's and AAA's, do you have any other letters perhaps a J?"
(Camera Batteries)

...

Oddly enough, I actually met a gentlemen who knew what I was talking about. Seems he was an MCSE who was just working at WalMart part time. We had a great conversation and he agreed that most of his fellow employees had no clue what half the items in their department did, and the manager of electronics had been transferred in from Cosmetics.

Read that carefully.. The Manager was from Cosmetics while the guy with the certification, knowledge, and understanding of the department worked FOR her.

And Walmart wonders why we make fun of them.

The Wal*Mart Story is one of my favorite stories ever.

I'm not sure if it's true or not, but it's a good story none the less.

I order pizza & wings pretty regularly, maybe 3 out of every 4 weekends, from one of two big-chain franchises.

I realise that the Order-Taker's job must be pretty mind-numbing, and that until details of the menu selection are given, the conversation is mostly by rote, but for a job in which an important skill is listening to information given by the customer, it's disheartening that almost every time I call I'm forced to point out that he/she is just not paying attention:

Me: Hi, I'd like to place an order [emphatic pause] for delivery, please.

O-T: Can I get your phone number, starting with the area code?

Me: [gives phone number, starting with area code]

O-T: And is this for pick-up or delivery?

Me: Delivery, as I said not 15 seconds ago...

I say "almost" every time. This has been the script of every single call for as far back as I can remember. The exception was last weekend, when the O-T said, after collecting my phone number, "And... okay, you said you wanted this for delivery. Can I get your address, please?"

I was awed, and briefly considered requesting a supervisor, so I could ask for the O-T to be given a raise.

We get through the call. Delivery guy arrives, buzzes to come in. I live on the second floor of an older apartment building equipped with one ancient elevator that moves extremely slowly. Personally, I never use it unless I've got something big, heavy, or awkward to transport.

So, second floor. 16 stairs up from the ground floor. Two flights of 8 stairs each. 16 stairs, mere seconds to climb, even if taken only one at a time.

I buzz the guy in, go wait by my apartment door. Invariably, I wait anywhere between 2 to 5 minutes until the guy steps out of the elevator. A few times I tried pointing out (in a polite, friendly tone), "You know, I'm just on the second floor. That elevator takes forever. You could just take the stairs -- takes 5 seconds, and it's healthy, too!"

Alas, I've given up trying to point the speed and health benefits to be had. Turn-over for delivery dudes must be too high: it's a new guy every time.

This is really not the worker's fault, and I even understand the store policy, BUT I wish someone was willing to bend the rules to cut waste.

Anyway, as I've mentioned a couple times, my dogs are on a raw food diet, not kibble. The biggest chunk of that diet is chicken leg quarters. The easiest and cheapest place to get these is at Walmart, where they are sold in 10lb. bags for 43 cents a pound. About every other time I go (I buy 30-40 lbs at a time, twice a month), I find a bag with a small hole in it, so the gross chicken juice leaks out. I usually just pass over that one and find another, but last time decided "Well s**t, maybe I can get it for free or something", so I asked the meat manager what they do with the bags that have holes in them, and she said they get tossed. I explained that I'm buying them for animal consumption, and that I don't mind the hole in the bag if I can get them at a discount or something. She made a weird face, which I get a lot when people realize I feed my dogs raw. They assume I'm some nutter who thinks my dogs are kids or something and dresses them up in clothes and lets them eat at the table. So she said no, and I asked if it would be any trouble to run it past the general manager. She called him and explained, and he said no, too. So into the garbage can the bag went. In each bag there are usually 10 leg quarters. So 5 chickens that were slaughtered for NO reason at all.

I do understand where they're coming from. They have no way of knowing if some freak made the hole while he was injecting some poison into the bag, but it just pisses me off that so much food goes to waste there. If I run into it at least once a month, imagine how many other people run into it also, and imagine how much meat that is, just rotting in a dumpster.

And as for my horrible customer stories, there are three that come to mind.

#1- Age 17-ish, I was working as a cashier at a big grocery store. This older gentleman is coming through my line and as he gets closer, the shift manager came and stood next to me. I asked what was up and he said "Oh, nothing, you're doing fine. I'm just gonna hang out for a couple minutes." Oooookay. Turns out the older gentleman was nutso, and had already been banned from the store for mistreating cashiers. He FREAKED out on me when I was entering grapefruits into the order. They're sold per fruit, not per pound, and the guy didn't know this. I had my hand resting on one of them while I punched the code in and he went nuts. "GET YOUR HAND OFF THE GRAPEFUIT!! YOU'RE PUSHING DOWN ON IT TO MAKE IT HEAVIER AND CHARGE ME MORE!!!!!"
He was escorted out...

#2- Creepy old homeless (or just extremely dirty) man was following a mother and her 16-year-old daughter around the store the WHOLE time they were shopping. He followed them right into the line, where I happened to be the cashier (I think my coworkers even commented a few times about how I always ended up with the crazies). He keeps trying to talk to the young girl, and the mother keeps telling him to leave her alone, and he's making these disgusting gestures to them. It was sickening. I had to call my manager over, have HIM call the cops, and I asked the woman and her daughter if they would please stay in the store until we could get a couple people to escort them to their car.

#3- Night shift at the previously mentioned cheap motel. 3AM and the front desk phone rings, I answer and there's a guy breathing heavily. I'm a pretty naive person sometimes, so I assume the guy is having a health problem.
Me: "Are you alright? Do you need anything."
Him: "Urrrrrggggghhhhh, you have a sexy voice."
Me: *gag* & click.

You can find all kinds of strange rules being applied for no obvious reason everywhere. I used to get mad over that, until some day I realized that these rules exist in order to keep the masses calm, and to avoid complications.

Example:
Electronic devices have to be turned off aboard an airplane during take-off and landing. A while ago, I used an analogue photo camera to snap a picture while landing. There's not a single electronic piece in it, not batteries or whatsoever, and I told this to the flight attendant. Nevertheless, I was asked to "turn it off". No exceptions.

I only later I understood that this rule wasn't made to bother me, but to prevent dumb people from being tasered by sky marshalls:
If someone would have seen me being allowed to use that camera, there would have been at least ten people switching on their mobile phones, "because he's using a device, too!"

Cellphones aboard airplanes are another interesting topic of their own. Afaik, there's no reported case of a cellphone ever actually messing up the avionics. The phones are banned in order to keep passengers calm. With everyone's turned off, there will be no complaints about loud talking, and no freaking out about bad news from home while airborne. People in airplanes are extremely vulnerable, psychologically speaking, and probably very likely to panic collectively. So you'd better cut their communication.

Considering this train of thought, I willingly "switch off" mechanical devices. It's for the public good. No exceptions.

ok this just happened 2 weeks ago and it still cracks me up. My wife is going to school in Vancouver and I went down to visit them for the weekend, so I get down there and she gets sick. Rather than sit around the house all day I decide to go for a walk, with our 1 year old baby I head out. Now my wife lives with a chinese friend of hers and they live in like...a chinese part of vancouver(i am not racist!). so anyways, I am walking around and decide to go for lunch in one of the many chinese restaraunts. I eat, get the bill for 5$ and go to pay.

so I go up to the till and hand her my credit card and this chinese lady is like "no credit card, only cash", so I go "oh s**t, I don't have any cash I'm gonna have to run to the bank machine" and this is where it gets funny/scary she looks at me and totally serious goes "oh, you leave the baby?"

like my baby is collateral for a $5 bill

I go "uhh no" and she goes "how I know you'll come back then?" I was just like "well you can have my drivers license.."

LOL everytime I think about that line I just howl, "you leave the baby"

I used to work as a cashier at a hardware store. People would always complain to me about the prices of things. What really got me was people who'd complain to me about paying GST. Blame some guy in Snottawa!! I have nothing to do with it!!

For example:

Old man: "I'll buy this drain plug"

The drain plug is 4.99. The old man hands over two loonies, a two dollar bill, three quarters, two dimes and four pennies.

Me: "So that comes to 5.34 with tax" (This was back when GST was still 7%)

Old man: "What?? How can it be that much?? The price says 4.99"

Me: "The other 35 cents are GST"

Old man: "Why do you people make things so expensive these days? You just keep finding more and more ways to take my money."

Me: "well, at least you live in the only province where there isn't any PST!"

Old man: hands over another quarter and a dime and leaves while grumbling.

Argh!

I was at IHOP and the crepes seemed like a good idea but I was intrigued by this mystical "Lingion Berry" crepe I'd never heard of before.

To the server: "What's a lingion berry?"

Sayeth the server: "It's a kind of berry."

To myself: "HOW f**kING INTRIGUING THANKS!"

I can't stand when I have to correct a cashier on the change he/she is giving me. You're a cashier for chrissakes and you can't even count?!~?!@?#@?@Q>

I work reservations for an airline. Shifts are based on seniority, which means that new employees usually get off at about 2am. Seriously messed up people call airlines at 2am. At least one a night is doing something I don't want to know about with his other hand. They get clever too. They don't all call moaning and groaning. Some of them just want to talk, and sound a little distracted. Some just want you to read the flight list rreeaalll ssllloooow. Others (the ones that entertain me the most) have scripts... one particular set of circumstances, that isn't remotely true, that they claim every time they call. So I really like getting them 2x in a row.

Stanley Wilson, or Willy, is the janitor at a school. He's in the basement. He is crouched against the wall. You have to talk real slow, because he is just an old man. He always wants the same cities. He has to write down the flight schedule. So go rreeaalll ssllloooow.

Then there is the guy with the fake North Dakota sort of accent. He is very tired from the cooking and the cleaning. He's also tired because he was in a wrestling match. He got beat by a girl. Do you ever wrestle with your boyfriend?

Then there is the guy who wants to lick your feet.

People are a little bit f**ked in the head. I'm so glad I got an earlier shift this time.

All day, every day. You might messed it up once in a blue moon too. It is the ones that really don't care that bug the crap out of me

I'll also share one of my crazier stories from working at K-Mart in Electronics...

We had this regular customer that was deaf and dumb (I don't know if there is a more PC term for this so yeah...) we'll call her Janet. She always, ALWAYS, came in with her sister who would communicate with us should such a need arise.

But one day the sister was refusing to talk. Instead Janet was attempting to communicate with me through hand signals. Needless to say its very hard to describe electronic devices in such a way.

When I looked to the sister for help she just grinned and shook her head. When I retrieved a piece of paper and a pen for Janet to write what she wanted she pushed them away.

We walked down every isle in the department and nothing I pointed out was right. At this time we were both frustrated but I was very good at keeping my cool. I point out yet another item, Janet shoves me with a sort of "Harrumph". I was pretty taken back that someone would shove me, even in such a frustrating situation... I look at her and shrug, sort of stand there for a couple seconds, shrug again and turn to leave. Janet hits me on the arm. I spin around with a look on my face like WTF?!

She sighed, patted me on the shoulder as if to say sorry and then left the store with her sister in tow. Never figured out what it was they wanted...

You know, when I pick up the phone at work, my mind is in a million different places and as part of my job, I'm supposed to multi-task. I admit that I ask several times what they need and even repeat things back. Try to understand from their point of view before being a total a*****e to them. Just my two cents.

Are you talking about the one on Walther Blvd? Cause yeah, that s**t is sketch. I went to one in Catonsville once and I'm not real sure how I made it out alive.

What is this Wal-Mart thing you speak of?
suebe in NYC

I am at Best Buy wanting to buy a TV (yes, I know but I had my brother with me, we'd already done three stores and he was, heh, "at capacity").

There was a good deal on a large (which is why I had my brother with me) tv, it's a no-box so it's deeply discounted. Full warranty. I ask the clerk what period the warranty is for and he says 2 years, then changes it to 1 year, then to90 days. I say, ok, that was fun, which is it?

He says it's 1 year, with 90 days parts and labor. I said "That doesn't make sense, after the 90 days what do you get if not parts and labor?" He says, with utter confidence "after the 90 days someone will come to your house and look at it".

*blink*

I finally said "I don't need anyone to come to my house and look at it and tell me it's broken, I can pretty much stare at it myself and figure that out." I made him go get the manual which was sealed in a plastic bag. I started to rip the bag open but he got all flustered and said "if you open that bag you have to buy the TV, I won't be able to sell it to someone else".

*blink*

"Now let me get this straight. I'm considering buying a tv, without a box and the warranty information, which you obviously don't know, is in a baggie but if I open the baggie, I've spoiled the unboxed TV". "Yes" says he.

I said, well, you need to go get your manager, I'll wait here. He scooted off and left me with the prized warranty. I managed to squish the pages open in the manual enough to read the warranty terms through the plastic. 2 years parts and labor, in-house.

When the manager got there I said, "I'm going to need another $30 off this TV. I'm buying an un-boxed TV and I don't even know what the warranty on it is and I'm not allowed to find out unless I buy the TV." He started to haggle and I handed him the hermetically sealed magic booklet.

I got the $30 off and the TV which has not needed any repair.


Back in the summer I went to buy a computer. I'm at Circuit City this time (yes, I know, but I'd already been to Best Buy and up here those are your choices besides WalMart). A clerk comes up to me and I point to a computer and ask "Is that one scalable". He stares at me for a minute and says "is it what?".

I said "you need to go and find someone who knows something about computers because I have a lot of questions and that was the easiest one, kthxbai"

He did. I got a good deal on a no-box computer there too, they even let me open the warranty bag (maybe they got word from Best Buy at that point).
They even let me use their computer to log onto the net to research some stuff about the computer.

Um, you.

Ok, working retail.

One of my first jobs out of HS was working for the gift shop at the Museum of Natural History. It's my first day.

A zoftig, boisterous woman comes up to the counter, my first customer. She is dressed to the "nines". She has on huge pearls, a lovely chapeau with a veil and a feather and white gloves. She is done up. She has just toured the Egyptian exhibit and simply MUST have a scarab. We have all sorts of lovely jewelry with beautiful carved scarabs in coral or turquoise or lapis (among other semi-precious stones). I show her probably a dozen pieces, one-by-one because they're expensive and you can't have more than 1 out of the case at the same time. With each one she decides that it's too gaudy or not "Egyptian" enough or not the right piece. Always right after I tell her the price. I finally am almost out of options except for some bone scarabs. I don't know what sort of bone they're carved out of but there's probably 1000 in the box, they're not set in anything like jewelry and they go for $1 a piece. I break out the box and say "this about all we have left". "How much are they" she asks. $1 each. Her eyes light up. She starts to dig through the box, she has to find just the right one. She lays out about 8 of them. She puts a few back, then a few more. Now she's down to two but she can't decide. This one looks older but the other is more defined. She is agonizing over this, I extol the virtues of each as she describes. I even hint that they're reasonably priced, perhaps she would like both but no, she only wants one. Two hours. TWO HOURS on her so she could buy a $1 bone scarab. She decided on the one that looked more aged, she no-doubt told her friends she spent a fortune on this antique scarab.

When she left my co-worker came over and said "I've never seen anything like that, you were perfect".

I cut my teeth in retail in that place. Their motto was to please the customer and I did it. I made a woman happy for a $1.