So I am a little over half way through my trip, and I have been writing about my experience. Thought maybe I'd share some of the fun things about the parks and what not.

Share your vacation stories if you like!

We Begin.

Today is March 11, and I have arrived in Orlando Florida for a fun and festive week within the Disney ambiance. Philadelphia airport, at 6 in the morning is a hell hole, now that you know this, please take caution. Though I must say that this feeling of hatred I have may be from the interaction with roughly 400 high school seniors, all completely cocky, stupid, and immature, boarding for a 5 day trip to Disney themselves. Half of the plane I was on were members of this mentally challenged youngsters. After announcing three separate times that all passengers must sit in their assigned seats the brain dead American youth continued to shuffle around, getting out of the seats that the paying public had claimed. Needless to say I spent the entire two hour trip making fun of the teens with the woman sitting next to me. It helped, though only a little.

The Orlando International Airport is a wonderful place in comparison to the hell hole I just left. Mosaic tiled floors, palms, stores worth visiting, kind people, it is a glorious paradise. Hoping on the bus ride to the hotel I noticed something interesting. Miniature TV’s lined the bus seats, and shortly after the departure from the airport, a video began. Showcasing the parks, the rides, a vacation club, they kept our eyes busy on the disney characters dancing around and subconsciously advertising to us all. What interests me was what they were distracting us from. If any of us were to take our eyes off the video, we would notice the disgusting barren lands that separate the parks from the airport. Florida and it’s marshlands are pretty ugly, in fact they are garbage filled, riddled with dead foliage, and littered with fences, old buildings and the occasional gathering of trailers. Whom ever though up the idea of adding these videos was a genius.

Im staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge and Resort, here on Disney property. It is gorgeous here. Words cannot express the magic and ambiance they create, and all the hard work they do to make this place truly special. Five stories of African theme rooms, thatch rooms, a safari running the parameter of the lodge allowing you to wake up and see animals outside of your window. Its been fantastic so far. Picture of the lobby:



My day culminated with me taking a dip in the nice pool they have here, and eating some corn chowder in a bread bowl, which was fabu. The next few days I will be heading to the parks, so prepare yourself, this is Disney. A place full of idiots, morons, the wealthy, the overly parental, the poor, and the people like me, people who are here to enjoy watching other people have miserable times, and then tell their friends about it. Are you ready? Me too. Lets rock this.

The Glorified Zoo and a Big Shiny Ball

Im going to combine yesterday and today into a nice little post surrounding EPCOT and Animal Kingdom. First off, when you travel to the Animal Kingdom you can see nothing, nothing but the peak of a tall mountain like thing, and a s**t load of trees. You get inside, there is plenty of African theme music, and of course, more trees. Walking around, the first hour of my visit the only living creatures I saw were trees. Finally I made it to Dino Land where I ran into a squirrel. He entertained me for a grand total of 4.32 seconds until he ran off. It wasn’t until an hour before my departure that I really got to see some animals. Tigers, Sloths, and Bats oh my. Animal kingdom is like a glorified zoo with Disney characters and too many trees. I am not impressed with it, have never been impressed with it, nor will I ever be. Though Im going to head in tomorrow to get a ride on the Mount Everest Expedition roller coaster with the Yeti. Interestingly enough, at Animal Kingdom all the straws are paper and environmentally friendly, and there are no lids to the beverage cups, in fear of the animals eating them and getting sick. Pretty clever.

Today I went to Epcot, and had a grand ol’ time. My old high school performed there today and I really enjoyed listening to them, brought back some good times. But while I was journeying around today I noticed something funny about the park. The fire escape or emergency signs all have the gift shops labeled. In case of an emergency, a park exit can be found here, then they provide a small simple map, with an arrow, and they have the gift shops marked. I thought this was amazing. A subconscious push to sell more s**t. Fantastically thought up by someone who is now making a lot of money.

Something that bothers me about tourists the most, other then their need to stop every five feet causing the flow of everyone’s walking to get messed up, is their need for strangers to take pictures of them. My mother and I were standing waiting for my father, when we were approached by an older couple, and they requested our aide in getting them a photo with the giant ball in the background. They then went into this brain boggling 5 minute explanation on how to use the camera. Im an educated 20 year old, Im sure I know how to work it. I know that big button on top takes the picture, I know those arrows are the zoom, notice how big this photo needs to be, ill leave the zoom open. Im kind of sad their are digital cameras now, where you can see the photos as soon as they are taken. Before that, you could just pretend to take the picture, leaving them confused and angry when they got it developed. Perhaps take a picture of your penis while they have their backs to you as they walk to their positions, then as you pretend to click away, really they have a nice surprise when they get home.

I know I may be a bit of an a*****e, but it can’t be helped. The night then culminated with us eating at the Nine Dragons in China, and my father finding a large chunk of plastic in his food. Needless to say I havent eaten since. Im back at the hotel now, and tomorrow I scale the large and powerful beast known as Magic Kingdom. Still have spent less then 30 bucks on anything. I love these meal plans.

Magic Kingdom Come

The adventure continues as we start off bright and early to arrive for the great opening spectacle that goes on every morning at the gates of the Magic Kingdom. We are greeted by a fire fighter, weather he was real or not is still in the air, he was round and wearing a fancy hat, he welcomed us with a boisterous hello and was joined by a group of happy dancers who were jazzy handing their way to a great celebration. Soon the train whistle could be heard and a specially selected family and Mickey Mouse and Co. came to open the park, with the count down and prerecorded dialogue the Jones family threw magic, and oversized, pixie dust into the air and the trumpets sound, the dancers twirled and the gates were open.

Once inside, like a flood gate had been slowly cranked open, hundreds of people started pouring in, buying up things and taking photos. My sister’s marching band soon graced main street and there was great rejoicing. I walked in to a long store, that extended the entire length of the street, and met my mother, whom was busily purchasing Mickey ears for the family. Apparently come Tuesday the hand sewing of names on the back of the ears will be discontinued, replaced entirely by computers. My mother quickly grabbed up a few hats, and I stood and bs’ed with the lady sewing name Linda. An absolutely wonderful woman. Linda was stitching some “First Hair Cut” hats for the little ones who get their hair cut for the first time here at Disney. I was curious. After a short inquiry I found out that Disney has a barber shop on Main Street USA in Magic Kingdom. My mother had accidentally purchased one hat too little, and Linda, whom loved me, provided me with a “Magical Moment” and gave me a free hat, with free embroidery!

I ventured out of the store, poking around looking for this hidden barber shop. Low and behold, in the corner, tucked out of sight, was a red and white striped poll and two smiling women waiting to dish out some cuts. So I went for it. Apparently when Walt designed California he realized that he left out a barber shop, and got a little upset, promising to make one for Florida. Sure enough, he did, an entire recreation of the shop he got his hair cut in as a child, Walt added a tiny little room that up until 2001 hid on the right hand side half way up the street. Now it hides to the right, directly in front of a parade gate. If you didn’t know it was there, you never would find it. For the same price I get my hair cut back home, a snip and a trim and I was a new man, sorta.

The park has not changed much in the four years since my last visit. Jack Sparrow, Davy Jones, and Barbosa now take residence in the Pirates ride, Stitch has replaced the giant menacing monster in “Alien Encounter” and Mike W. from Monsters Inc. now has a fantastic interactive laugh studio. The haunted mansion got a make over, and the castle now has a zip line running a few hundred feet down into some trees, which is used for Tinkerbell to fly up to the castle top and light it up with her magic for the nightly show: “Wishes.”

I made it through all the fantastic and fun rides at the Magic Kingdom and returned back to my resort where I ate a wonderful meal at Jukio, an African fusion theme restaurant. Our waitress was from Pittsburgh, so we had some things in common. My night culminated with some delicious white mousse, and a funny Norwegian joke from our waitress, whom apparently has hung out with some at Epcot.

Why do ducks have flat feet?

To put out little fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To put out flaming ducks.

oh THAT'S where you've been! i was starting to wonder what had happened to you. hope you're having a good time! *laughs at the elephant joke - i'm a nerd*

*chuckles*


Silly tourist, Disney is for kids!

Now please hand over all you your cash, credit cards, and travelers checks and get back on the plane.

There's a vacation category now?!? WTF?

I didnt do it. I just found it. I promise.

If you look in the history you will see that it is not all that new. It was created by gengel 7 months ago. I believe this is ok since gengel is or was one of the main people that makes Plime run.

muppetmaker.

Seriously.

It's free.

Seriously, I have one.

:D

M.G.M. (Mickey Got Mitigated)

Today’s journey took me to Disney’s Hollywood Studios. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, save for the flaring arthritis I have in my ankles, but I digress. If I didnt hate High School Musical enough as it was, having to listen to the soundtrack being lip synched by a bunch of oddly fit and energetic dancers about six times in one day will drive a man to murder.

The Great Movie Ride greeted us all once again with a poor actor pretending to be a cowboy, to which he did a very very bad job. Star Tours reminded me how old the park was, Indiana Jones stunt show was entertaining as always, and the Tower of Terror reminded me why seat belts were invented. The Back Lot Tour let me get a peak at a few fun movie vehicles and a wonderful gallery of classic villain memorabilia from AFI, including the original hair piece and playing cards Jack Nicholson used as the Joker.

Of course the ride I paced back and forth all week for was Muppet Vision 3D. Joy couldn’t come fast enough as I danced around the entrance like a giddy school girl waiting for her princess birthday party. A fantastic celebratory journey into the lovely world of the Muppets in a deep and three dimensional experience made me almost pee myself. After the show, I hit the gift shop, where I managed to spend about $150 dollars on Muppet merchandise. Two shirts, a few knick knacks, and an arm full of plush dolls later I was happily skipping across the park with a large grin on my face.

As of March 30, MGM will officially and legally be completely known as Hollywood Studios. Due to a law suit filed against Disney, they were forced out of a contract with MGM due to no fault but their own. Now they have to change every sign, including the seventy some high way signs, and reprint, repaint, and redesign parts of the park to cover their MGM tracks and make a new bright and shiny way for Hollywood Studio.

If you get a chance go check out Fantasmic, the celebration of the imagination. Mickey verses all the villains of classic Disney movies. Great show, that roughly costs $30,000 per show. That is so much money it makes me want to poop.

I know.

mouse house
bump it here.