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I have been broken up with
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30
 suckersk...
3 months ago
« unzercharlie : Read this:

==================================================

The Crocodile Nun
I just had a nap on the beach, and dreamed of a boy and girl on a blanket by the river’s edge. A giant crocodile dressed in a nun’s habit and little round gold wire glasses crawled up out of the river to bite the boy on the butt.

That’s a pretty good symbol for what’s causing you to suffer! A boy and a girl don’t feel free to simply BE with one another without the cartoon monster of habitual ways of thinking, religious and social training, and popular culture emerging from the depths of our unconscious and trying to bite them on the butt!

That Crocodile Nun is the traditional model of romantic love. But it’s not “real” or “true;” not anymore real or true than an infinite variety of other models. It’s a story made up by people, and it has really caught on only in the last 120 years or so – around the same time frame as Santa Claus and his magic sleigh. And it’s not the most empowering story ever written, that’s for sure! The story goes something like this:

You dream that one day fate will throw your one perfect mate into your path, and she will make you happy. You are sure that if that doesn’t happen, or if you pick the wrong woman by mistake or through lack of patience, you will be unhappy, unfulfilled, and unsatisfied. One day, a miracle happens and you meet a beautiful woman and you “fall in love”. You are “fated” to be together – you are “soul mates.” Your job is to make her fall in love with you, too. If you succeed, you “win” her and you live happily ever after. Your “love” will conquer all obstacles. You probably marry and procreate. (And if you fail to “win” her, you have blown your big chance, because she was your soul mate and every other woman you meet from now on will be only a pale, meager comparison – and you will punish those women for being pale, meager comparisons to the perfect woman!)

Now, once you have entered into happily ever after, you “owe” each other certain things – some stated and some unspoken things. If you fail to provide those things for each other, you are “betraying” one another. Sometimes you make promises to each other during a big commitment ceremony, and those promises are good only as long as they’re convenient for you, but they have huge repercussions if you get caught. And often one partner doesn’t realize that he owed the other a particular thing, but it’s his fault because he “owed” her the ability to just “know” that she needed it. Or one partner will retaliate against the other if she fails to provide a particular thing for him, and love will just “fade away” as he tries to “win” it again in another lover. And then both partners are angry and bitter and blaming, and society will side with one or the other, and the spawn of this union will grow up to re-live the same story, and so on and so on. You will clutch the pain forever and you will carry it with you into your future relationships. So will your kids.

Now, so many people are living out that story and supporting others in living it, that it’s easy to forget that it’s only a story, one of a gazillion possible models for romantic love. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a story all but guaranteed (with a few notable exceptions) to sentence people to being dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and unhappy. Why not try on a new model that works better, with the aim of generating satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness? Here’s one that works for me:

You take 100% responsibility for creating a life you love. You practice generating love, beginning before you even meet a prospective life partner. You look closely at yourself to see what habitual ways of thinking about love you have inherited from your parents, society, religion, and pop culture; you practice being present and continually choosing ways of being that work best for you in creating a life you love, and you practice letting go of the old stuff that doesn’t work for you. You date for fun and to learn more about yourself, others, and the world; not necessarily to find your soul mate. You are positive that since love resides within, not outside, yourself, you will be able to create a loving, mutually beneficial relationship with any number of people. You know deep in your heart that if a person were to leave you, they wouldn’t be taking anything away from you – rather, they would be taking their own next right action in creating a life they love, and you wouldn’t have it any other way, just as you would want them to trust you to take your own next right actions.

At some point (maybe), timing, desire, and a mutually beneficial alignment of values converge upon you and you choose to have an exclusive relationship with a particular person. Here’s the tricky part: First and most important: you accept one another, exactly as you are and exactly as you are not. You practice doing that as long as you are in each other’s lives – making sure that the well-being of the other person and of yourself is your biggest priority. The two of you talk about what kind of loving, mutually beneficial relationship would work best for both of you in creating a life you both love. You negotiate, out loud, what you want and don’t want to be part of the relationship, as honestly as you can and in good faith. You act with integrity in every area of your life. Then you try out the plan and renegotiate as necessary. You both continue to assume 100% responsibility for your own happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction, and when you catch yourself thinking the other person “owes” you anything, you surrender that thought and look at what YOU can do to generate whatever is missing that will make a positive difference in your relationship.

If you look around and can’t find love, or if an impasse occurs which you’re unable to renegotiate through; you look to see what you’re holding on to that you could give up. You generate love (or at least friendship) in your conversations, you persevere if you choose, or you say goodbye with love (or at least friendship) if you choose. You continue, or you leave, knowing that you have all the power in the world to create a loving mutually beneficial relationship; all it takes is your choosing. The outcome of this relationship doesn't mean anything about you.

In this model, no one owns anyone and no one owes anything. The concepts of ownership and owingship don’t belong in a loving, mutually beneficial relationship, the way I see it. Owning and owing are the seeds of resentment, hostility, and disdain – not qualities I want in any of my relationships! They are the teeth of the butt-biting crocodile.

In my model, there are two aspects that are essential: taking 100% responsibility for your own satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness; and accepting your lover exactly as (s)he is and exactly as (s)he is not.

Now, your model of romantic love may look completely different, and mine will probably evolve. What I most want to say is: boldly look at the traditional model of romantic love and see it for what it is – a story, one possible (and flawed) story out of an infinite number of possible stories of how your love can go. You are free to generate a loving, mutually beneficial relationship exactly as you want it! And there are a mind-boggling number of people out there who would be a perfect match for you – don’t buy into the “will I ever meet my one true love?” illusion.

Shun the Crocodile Nun! Live a life you love.

==================================================

Man up, it's not the end of the world, and it's not the last time you'll suffer a broken heart. If you take this as poorly as you seem to be taking it in that first post, you're gonna f**k up your entire perception of love. Shake it off, move on, look ahead with optimism, there really is no alternative. You deal with it well, and allow this to improve the person you are, or you handle it poorly, and it brings negative change to who you are.
I just quoted this to quote this.
-60
quote #2
30
 doggyliv...
3 months ago
« unzercharlie : Read this article by someone from the internet called Angela. I found this article online, and now it hangs on my refridgerator.

==================================================

The Crocodile Nun

I just had a nap on the beach, and dreamed of a boy and girl on a blanket by the river’s edge. A giant crocodile dressed in a nun’s habit and little round gold wire glasses crawled up out of the river to bite the boy on the butt.

That’s a pretty good symbol for what’s causing you to suffer! A boy and a girl don’t feel free to simply BE with one another without the cartoon monster of habitual ways of thinking, religious and social training, and popular culture emerging from the depths of our unconscious and trying to bite them on the butt!

That Crocodile Nun is the traditional model of romantic love. But it’s not “real” or “true;” not anymore real or true than an infinite variety of other models. It’s a story made up by people, and it has really caught on only in the last 120 years or so – around the same time frame as Santa Claus and his magic sleigh. And it’s not the most empowering story ever written, that’s for sure! The story goes something like this:

You dream that one day fate will throw your one perfect mate into your path, and she will make you happy. You are sure that if that doesn’t happen, or if you pick the wrong woman by mistake or through lack of patience, you will be unhappy, unfulfilled, and unsatisfied. One day, a miracle happens and you meet a beautiful woman and you “fall in love”. You are “fated” to be together – you are “soul mates.” Your job is to make her fall in love with you, too. If you succeed, you “win” her and you live happily ever after. Your “love” will conquer all obstacles. You probably marry and procreate. (And if you fail to “win” her, you have blown your big chance, because she was your soul mate and every other woman you meet from now on will be only a pale, meager comparison – and you will punish those women for being pale, meager comparisons to the perfect woman!)

Now, once you have entered into happily ever after, you “owe” each other certain things – some stated and some unspoken things. If you fail to provide those things for each other, you are “betraying” one another. Sometimes you make promises to each other during a big commitment ceremony, and those promises are good only as long as they’re convenient for you, but they have huge repercussions if you get caught. And often one partner doesn’t realize that he owed the other a particular thing, but it’s his fault because he “owed” her the ability to just “know” that she needed it. Or one partner will retaliate against the other if she fails to provide a particular thing for him, and love will just “fade away” as he tries to “win” it again in another lover. And then both partners are angry and bitter and blaming, and society will side with one or the other, and the spawn of this union will grow up to re-live the same story, and so on and so on. You will clutch the pain forever and you will carry it with you into your future relationships. So will your kids.

Now, so many people are living out that story and supporting others in living it, that it’s easy to forget that it’s only a story, one of a gazillion possible models for romantic love. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a story all but guaranteed (with a few notable exceptions) to sentence people to being dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and unhappy. Why not try on a new model that works better, with the aim of generating satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness? Here’s one that works for me:

You take 100% responsibility for creating a life you love. You practice generating love, beginning before you even meet a prospective life partner. You look closely at yourself to see what habitual ways of thinking about love you have inherited from your parents, society, religion, and pop culture; you practice being present and continually choosing ways of being that work best for you in creating a life you love, and you practice letting go of the old stuff that doesn’t work for you. You date for fun and to learn more about yourself, others, and the world; not necessarily to find your soul mate. You are positive that since love resides within, not outside, yourself, you will be able to create a loving, mutually beneficial relationship with any number of people. You know deep in your heart that if a person were to leave you, they wouldn’t be taking anything away from you – rather, they would be taking their own next right action in creating a life they love, and you wouldn’t have it any other way, just as you would want them to trust you to take your own next right actions.

At some point (maybe), timing, desire, and a mutually beneficial alignment of values converge upon you and you choose to have an exclusive relationship with a particular person. Here’s the tricky part: First and most important: you accept one another, exactly as you are and exactly as you are not. You practice doing that as long as you are in each other’s lives – making sure that the well-being of the other person and of yourself is your biggest priority. The two of you talk about what kind of loving, mutually beneficial relationship would work best for both of you in creating a life you both love. You negotiate, out loud, what you want and don’t want to be part of the relationship, as honestly as you can and in good faith. You act with integrity in every area of your life. Then you try out the plan and renegotiate as necessary. You both continue to assume 100% responsibility for your own happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction, and when you catch yourself thinking the other person “owes” you anything, you surrender that thought and look at what YOU can do to generate whatever is missing that will make a positive difference in your relationship.

If you look around and can’t find love, or if an impasse occurs which you’re unable to renegotiate through; you look to see what you’re holding on to that you could give up. You generate love (or at least friendship) in your conversations, you persevere if you choose, or you say goodbye with love (or at least friendship) if you choose. You continue, or you leave, knowing that you have all the power in the world to create a loving mutually beneficial relationship; all it takes is your choosing. The outcome of this relationship doesn't mean anything about you.

In this model, no one owns anyone and no one owes anything. The concepts of ownership and owingship don’t belong in a loving, mutually beneficial relationship, the way I see it. Owning and owing are the seeds of resentment, hostility, and disdain – not qualities I want in any of my relationships! They are the teeth of the butt-biting crocodile.

In my model, there are two aspects that are essential: taking 100% responsibility for your own satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness; and accepting your lover exactly as (s)he is and exactly as (s)he is not.

Now, your model of romantic love may look completely different, and mine will probably evolve. What I most want to say is: boldly look at the traditional model of romantic love and see it for what it is – a story, one possible (and flawed) story out of an infinite number of possible stories of how your love can go. You are free to generate a loving, mutually beneficial relationship exactly as you want it! And there are a mind-boggling number of people out there who would be a perfect match for you – don’t buy into the “will I ever meet my one true love?” illusion.

Shun the Crocodile Nun! Live a life you love.

==================================================

Man up, it's not the end of the world, and it's not the last time you'll suffer a broken heart. If you take this as poorly as you seem to be taking it in that first post, you're gonna f**k up your entire perception of love. Shake it off, move on, look ahead with optimism, there really is no alternative. You deal with it well, and allow this to improve the person you are, or you handle it poorly, and it brings negative change to who you are.
Same as sucker, just wanted to quote THE longest comment in all plimes history
-42
quote #3
11
 meggysue
3 months ago
First of all, editing challenges suck.

Another song that echoes your experience...



He wrote this as a young man, and I think truly felt what he was writing.

Covered by many others since then.

Interestingly, one reviewer wrote: It's a shame subsequent performers have chosen to omit "When it comes to being loved, she's first". It changes the entire meaning of the song. He's still in love with Number 1, despite the fact that she's not very good at loving him. She's first on his list.But he's willing to take a chance on Number 2. Not because he loves her, but because she just might help him get over Number 1. I wouldn't count on it.

Plus, as another said, it's not a good song to sing to a new lover. (Understatement of the year.)

In short, first loves stay with you all your life. You never forget them and even later in life, if you run into them again, might even feel that same old feeling. While this may not sound hopeful, life does go on, I promise.
18
quote #4
16
 vexingmo...
3 months ago
There's always a bright side, man:

STRANGE!!!
0
quote #5
About Plime
Plime is an editable wiki community where users can add and edit weird and interesting links. Users earn karma when other users vote on their actions. The more karma you have, the more power you have at Plime.
17
 wildmino...
3 months ago
I'm really sorry to read this.

I am in the same position presently. My girl left me two weeks ago. I am presently living in an empty appartment. I only talk to her to know who is keeping this or that, how much I own her. Worst part is to lose friends, her friends.

Indeed, It's the hardest times of my life presently. I understand your state of mind. Believe me.

However, go find your friends and family, you need them, and they are there for you. Go OUTSIDE, take long walks in the busiest place you'll find. DO NOT touch alcohol (not if you are alone, at lease).

You are young. It may happen again. But a lot of things will happen again. Find yourself, all the parts of you, lost in the past months.

It even happen to great people. Do not try to understand why, or want you can do for her. Do everything for you. Do not choose her, choose you.
I'll be ther for you, as a broken heart pal.

Take care...
83
quote #6
30
 doggyliv...
3 months ago
« wildminou : how much I own her.
Did you mean owe?

Also, sorry to hear that dude, chin up, eh?
17
quote #7
17
 wildmino...
3 months ago
Indeed
0
quote #8
18
 smarty10...
3 months ago
Dude get a plane ticket.. fly to detroit, and I promise I'll take you out for the best night of your life get u a fake i.d., rent a bus and go club hoppin, to the strip clubs, and I might even introduce you to one of my sisters. Shoot a .45 wildly into the night sky while drunk to let out some anger.. and I promise by middle of the night you'll forget all about her..
58
quote #9
30
 doggyliv...
3 months ago
« smarty1052 : Dude get a plane ticket.. fly to detroit, and I promise I'll take you out for the best night of your life get u a fake i.d., rent a bus and go club hoppin, to the strip clubs, and I might even introduce you to one of my sisters. Shoot a .45 wildly into the night sky while drunk to let out some anger.. and I promise by middle of the night you'll forget all about her..
K, lets pretend I've just split up with my gf too, can I come? :D
46
quote #10
13
 theclans...
3 months ago
« smarty1052 : Dude get a plane ticket.. fly to detroit, and I promise I'll take you out for the best night of your life get u a fake i.d., rent a bus and go club hoppin, to the strip clubs, and I might even introduce you to one of my sisters. Shoot a .45 wildly into the night sky while drunk to let out some anger.. and I promise by middle of the night you'll forget all about her..
Smarty you should totally start a business, that can be your line "You'll totally forget about her or your money back!"
46
quote #11
18
 smarty10...
3 months ago
« doggylives : K, lets pretend I've just split up with my gf too, can I come? :D
lol, of course.. but I would need a signed permission slip from the other party in your case.


and I just thought about something beany.. look on the bright side.. she's not pregnant, you dont have any std's, and I'm hoping she doesn't have any embarassing photos/videos of you?

better than my last break up.. just go search my name on youtube..
42
quote #12
31
 doggyliv...
3 months ago
« smarty1052 :
better than my last break up.. just go search my name on youtube..
Dammit, what's ur name so I can go search youtube :D
18
quote #13
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