You may be underestimating my natural ability to straighten a dysfunctional group of dumbass government employees out...

or fantastically manage a small casino.

Dear Unknown Asshole:

Turn signals were meant to be used before you make a turn, not half way through the turn... dumbass.

dear unknown a*****e I don't know where you live but I wonder why you keep following me home. f**king cops.

Almost? So where do you keep your a*****e for the other times?

That's pretty personal...

But seriously, I don't keep it anywhere in particular. I just forget it here and there once in a while.

...not conducive to pooping.

Dear Unknown a*****e,

I can see missing the toilet when you're peeing. I'll even agree that a certain amount of splatter is to be expected when you have this kind of diarrhea. But how you managed to completely miss the toilet and dookie all over the floor is way beyond me. I realize just as you apparently did that they pay people to clean up the bathrooms, but that's simply not an excuse for excreting all over the floor and then smearing it around with your shoe. You're repugnant, disgusting, and should be caged like the filthy animal you are. *



* This story, while very gross, is also very true.

Yea, but will you sleep with me for money?

How much are we talking about?

Dear Unknown a*****es,

I know who you are. I was just on the phone with you. So please, Air Canada, stop pissing everyone off.

While we're throwing out occurances of bathroom repugnance...

To the guy who defecates, then picks it up (what, with your hands?), and then smears it all over the walls and mirrors and door handles: You, sir, are worse than an a*****e. You are a popped hemorrhoid.

0.0
I need to stop coming in here.

Dear Unknown a*****e

Keep to your own side of the road. It's a small twisty country lane, not a motorway. I have one wheel in the ditch and you still hit my lovely car with your piece of crap?? You're lucky it was just my wing mirror. And seriously, it's not a race to see who can get killed first. Again, country lane, not motorway. Slow down.

All this poo talk reminds me of a childhood memory....
I worked at Ponderosa Steak House as a teen. One Saturday I was scheduled to open with another guy. Typically, we fought over who would clean which bathroom. The ladies room was always much messier, not to mention the "boxes" that needed emptying. Having finished my other duties first was happy that I would get to the bathrooms first and get to clean the mens room. As I entered the mens room my nose told me that something was wrong. I opened the stall door and there was crap everywhere. Someone pooped on the floor and then used their mighty whitey tighties to spread the poop everywhere. It was disgusting. I quietly left and went to clean the ladies room. He cleaned the mens room and NEVER SAID A WORD ABOUT IT! Neither did I!

Dear unknown a*****e,

Please stop stealing socks I put in the wash!

It pisses me off when two go in and only one comes out!

Also, stop leaving crumbs in the butter. Actually that's me, never mind.

Thank God this isn't addressed to me. Everyone already knows what an a*****e I am.

Being an a*****e is all part of my manly essence =)

*cheers!

Hey! Why does everyone hate me?

There he is! Get him!!!!

Plate-o-shrimp.

I was going to add pretty much the same thing to this thread except my take would have been "learn how wide your car is and where to place it on the road with out the aid of that cheat guide - the while line. And if you can't do that then just look at where your near side wing is in relation to the side of the road. Then look at me clipping the hedge because you've forced me over. Are you paying for the new indicator lens? Didn't think so. Get back on your side, unknown a*****e."

Dear Unknown a*****e #1,
Please return my $226 sunglasses to the lifeguard stand where you found them while I was prepping the pool for a swim meet.


Dear Unknown a*****e #2,
Please return my second pair of $226 sunglasses to my bedroom where you found them during my party. I invited you into my home and gave you a bunch of free booze. F**k you.