Dear Unknown Asshole:

Why must you spit your gum oot on the sidewalk, the parking lot or on the road surface? Just spit it into the wrapper or into an old receipt or piece of paper and hang on to it until you find a trash can to put it in. If I have to step in one more piece of gum or have it stuck to my tires I swear my head will explode. Knock it off, ass wipe!
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This was posted at the request of my wife. I was telling her aboot this thread and a few minutes later we got oot of the car in a parking lot and I horked my gum on the ground withoot even thinking aboot it. She said I should add this one to the thread and make mention of how I am one of the unknown assholes oot there.

Sorry, wifey. It won't happen again. ; )

dear unknown a*****e:
why cat you figure out how to make your text show up here!
you been on plime for how many years and you still cant figure out how to post. N00b!! but i still love you

Dearest Unknown a*****e,
You're an a*****e. My life is probably better because I don't know you. But still, just know that you are, always have been, and most likely always will be the hole of a smelly man-ass.

Dear unknown a*****e,

While riding my bike to the store today, you nearly ran me off the road as you gave me about 6 inches of room when you passed by, while yelling "bike fag!", as if that somehow makes me think that it is actually me who is the f**k in this situation.

C'mon.. "Bike fag"??
You appeared to be in your late-20's, not early teens, and this level of insult belongs in middle school hallways, not adulthood. Aside from that, I could tell from the size of your girth that a quick bike ride every now and then would do wonders for your health, and probably your self-esteem, too, which appears to be in a deficit considering that you yell insults at strangers out of a moving vehicle. What the f**k gives, a*****e?

Dear Unknown Asshole:

Just because YOU don't smell it, doesn't mean WE don't smell it. If you can't bring yourself to wash the funk off your body and it is too difficult to douse yourself at least with some cologne or perfume, throw one of those little green trees around your neck for aboot a week or two and then repeat. They are cheap and effective. My nose and I would appreciate it, eh!

EDIT: Actually, go easy on the cologne/perfume. In fact, just clean yourself. Soap is cheaper than booze!

Oh for the sake of nasal passages everywhere, please, no dousing with cologne or perfume!!!

I was almost given a migraine today by a coworker who came into my office and closed the door. Her perfume was a stench that I had to SOAK out with febreze. If your scent enters a room before you do and lingers after you leave...You are wearing too much.

Srsly. And don't be surprised if I say so! I don't mean to be rude; it's self defense.

[small tangent] If you have an HR department at work, check their policy covering this type of annoyance. If they don't have one, or if they do but don't enforce it, bring a fat peanut-butter sandwich for lunch on the next "Bring Your Kid To Work" day.

Walk around while eating it. Chat amiably and animatedly; gesticulate and wave your sandwich around while talking. Watch 'em run from the building like so many rats on a sinking ship.

That should get the wheels in motion on the ol' "airborne irritants/allergens" policy.[/tangent]

Meh--it's easier to just keep the door shut and chase out the offenders. If I talked to a lot of people each day, I'd worry more, but the simple truth is that most days I MIGHT talk to 3 people. The co-workers I interact with most frequently aren't a problem, it's just the random person from another department.

Did someone call me?

No, no... you're the a*****e we know. This is for unknown a*****es. Put a mask on and come back in. :)

DEAR UNKNOWN a*****e WHO SABOTAGED MY POWERSTEERING:

F*CK.
YOU.

Seriously someone sabotaged your power steering?!
that is truly a*****e-ish! my deepest sympathies to you Sir.

What happened? I'm working on my power steering right now.

Did it just start leaking? What kind of vehicle?

Replace the belt...you're welcome.

dear unknown a*****e,

why did you feel inclined to park your car in such a fashion as to block my driveway? and this wasnt your first attempt at douchebaggery! this is the fourth time you blocked my driveway! you forced my hand and i had to smash a cat turd under the handle of your front driver side door. well enough so you cant see it but i promise this wont be the last time your hand will be covered in s**t! BTW i wore a latex glove to complete this task. So unknown a*****e, dont f**k with a guy that just got off Graveyards!

Just a random thought on this subject..
Did you have the cat turd on hand at the time, or did you have to go venture out and dig one up and of a litter pan, or do you just have a cat that poops on command for these said circumstances?

I would really appreciate some details in this, as my mind is really reeling over the possibilities. Thank you =]

i'll indulge you! there is a cat that craps in my yard once a night like clockwork. (a whole different dear unknown a*****e kitty edition) so every morning i come home and have to throw a kitty turd from my flowers into the garbage. this morning i found a different way of disposing kitty poo!

Very resourceful and I approve of your new found usage of recycled kitty poo. Carry on !

I think that's funny :)

You caused him to freak out and pay to get his car towed and checked out while causing no real harm. I think you got him well.

Dear whoever created this stupid weather map:

There is no way anyone cares about all this weather! 7 days in advance, for two sections (that are right next to one another; it's not that different!), plus 7 cities (again, all right next to one another. I think people can handle a one-degree difference without even noticing!), plus all these damn river/lake levels. You force me to go digging through six website and raw information to find and compile all this useless information...and our weather doesn't even change that much! All you need is "sunny" followed by temperatures! ARG!