Hope you're not going a wandering now, girl....

Nope. Just been traversing the internet this past week.

Loss

Today was a sad day for me. My favorite swiss army knife is now gone. I was at work today, and I used the restroom, and no, I didn't have to pee. I took out my swiss army knife as I was dropping some bombs, because I like messing with my knife. It's shiny, or at least it was. It slipped out of my hand, and fell....as it was falling, I thought "NOOO!" and then heard a small, but devastating *bloop*. I looked down, and saw my beloved knife sawing a "log". For a split second,(keep in mind, I'm a bit OCD and a bit of a germophobe) I honestly considered going after it. Then, I came to my senses, and flushed my friend...Let's all have a moment of silence for my swiss army knife.


Thank you.

Two Points:
1) I would have totally gone after it
2) Who plays with knives while pooing?

1) Ewww.
2) Hi, I'm Jeremy. :D

[sarcasm]
I don't know about you Jerry, but when I'm making a bombing run, there's not enough room for a knife (I'm not even getting into that whole kettle of fish) to fall through between the edge of the seat and...well,Mr. Happy.
[/sarcasm]

Well, I am very slim, and I was sitting far back, and....ah, let's just get back to the stories.

The Playoff Adventure

I went to a Stars playoff home game about a decade ago. It was the Stars vs the Oilers, and my brother, cousin and I roadtripped it from Calgary to Texas. I think it took us somewhere close to 40 hours of driving, but it was worth it.

We listened to Garth Brooks and George Strait for most of that trip. We still had a tape deck in the truck, and it was a party for us.

The people sitting beside us probably thought we were nuts. We sang Stompin' Tom for pretty much the whole third period.

I thought we were nuts and crazy for making the trip, but there were lots of fellow Oil fans there, several of whom had also scored tix and just hauled 'er down for the game.

Good Times, Good Times.

The Fish Cup

I got a snapping turtle for my 9th birthday.
It was doing great for about a year, then it turned out it had caught some kind of infection that was affecting its shell. We had it treated over and over again, but it didn't help. Eventually, the vet recommended to get some live fish and feed them to the turtle.
So one night, my mother snuck up to the fish tank at the school she works at. She caught one of the guppies in a coffee mug from the staff room and brought it home. We placed it in the turtle's tank and waited. We waited until the poor turtle had died, and there was only a lonely guppy making its rounds in the tank. We decided it needed some company, so my mother stole a few others, in a bucket this time.

The cup she brought the first one in was referred to as "the fish cup" for many years. Nobody in the family would want to use it, and only occasionally it would be offered to visitors. It somehow disappeared when we moved in 1999.

Even today, when I pour myself a cup of coffee, I sometimes remember the turtle, and the lonely fish. I have to turn my face away then, and pretend something got into my eye.

So there I was, a timid summer student flying up to Nunavut for my very first time. We spent all day flying north, north, north and going farther and farther away from "civilization."

Once we were settled into our tents, one of my fellow summer students, a guy who lived in Denver and later Vancouver (so urbanite for the most part) pulls out his cellphone and turns it on. To my utter surprise, he tries to make a call.

"Alex," I said, "you realize the nearest tower is probably 1500km away?"

"Yeah," he replied "but I should at least get analog out here!!" He kept trying to call for another 5 minutes or so before giving up in frustration.

And thus began the city-boy jokes that lasted for a good portion of that summer.

Once for boyscouts, we got to go on an airplane. It was small like a Piper Cub or Cessna depending on what pilot you got. I remember this day very well. I waited a long time for my turn, and there was another pilot and I thought he looked creepy and he said hi to me and I thought he was my pilot but he wasnt. He looked scary. So after that I got real nervous but then I had a normal looking pilot. So we got in the plane and he took off and we flew around and then he gave me controll of the plane. I did some turns and I was looking all around outside and the view was amazing and so after that I still got to steer but he had to tell me where to go. Our helmet talkie thing broke so he had to use hand motions. Then he landed and that was awesome. We got out and I remember him telling my dad that when I got control of the plane I did more than the other kids. I really loved it and I promised myself that when I'm older I would get a plane.

I will never forget that day...

So... Do you have a plane now that you're older?

My funds are a little short at the moment and I don't wanna use a credit card or take out a loan ;-).

I didnt say how much older I would be before I got one, give me ten more years.

Since I'm not going to sleep tonight now....

Saskatoons!
The summer when I was 9 or maybe 10, I was at the cabin with my brothers and my mom and grandma. The weather was good one afternoon, but hangin' out with my family got a bit boring after 10 minutes, so I decided to go and play with my cousin, Jono. I sauntered down the dirt lane, grateful it was never really graveled as I was barefoot as usual. Jonathan and I played minigolf on the little minigolf course we had set up (using atco flags and soup cans), and then climbed trees and the treehouse like monkeys. I was super excited that day because my bestest friend in all the land was supposed to arrive later that afternoon, and I couldn't wait to see him. Jono and I both kept our little ears strained for the sound of tires crunching on gravel, and eventually ended up back out on the lane so that we wouldn't miss the first glimpse of our friend's car.

At the end of the lane there were several large saskatoon bushes, and being mid-July they were just loaded with delicious berries. We were hungry after playing all afternoon, and decided to just have a few berries.

"Hey look, Lex, I'm eating like a bear!" Jonathan exclaimed as he shoved a berry-laden branch into his mouth.

I just laughed, and did the same. It then became a contest to see who could eat the fastest, and then who could put the most in their mouth, and then who could eat without using our hands....

It wasn't until there were no more berries on the branches we could reach that we began to notice the time. We'd been eating berries for over an hour, and it was now suppertime. Time to skedaddle!

I ran straight home, and my mom and grandma were just setting the table. They took one look at my purple lips, cheeks and fingers and began to scold me for ruining my appetite for supper AND for being late. As a punishment, I'd be missing supper AND helping with the dishes once everyone was done eating, even though it wasn't my turn. Curses!

I hurried through the dishes while whining about cleaning up after a supper I didn't eat. I just wanted the dishes to be done because my best friend was almost here!

As I put the last dry dish on the shelf, I felt something really rumble in my tummy. It was NOT good, not at all. I thought back to the infinities of berries I had eaten just a few hours ago. Uh-oh.

I spent the rest of the night curled up near the toilet. My bestest friend in all the land came over to see if I could come and play, but I was too scared to move. My mom was trying hard not to laugh, though she said in hindsight she hadn't really needed to punish me with the dishes.

Now I try not to eat berries like a bear.

I used to be one weird ass little kid.

I would make what I called potions by pouring together the little tiny bits of liquid left in all of the bottles in the recycling bin (why my parents didn't get me a chemistry set, I don't know....guess they were to busy pushing sports on me).

So one day I have my potion in my back yard and I am hanging out with my neighbor, who I was on and off with friendship with him. The neighborhood wandering cat Aris comes along and wants too be petted. My neighbor being a mean little kid decides to pour my disgusting wine milk apple cider grape juice apple sauce "potion" onto this poor cat.

I react quickly and unintentionally pour the potion on him. So he runs away covered in some disgusting substance.....and I guess it was karma.

DUDE! I USED TO DO THAT TOO!!! I used to pour my concoctions onto different leaves on plants and I would check them every day to see if thhey were dry or mutated lmao

awww yay for being mad scientists!

Alright so this one time back when I was smart and had my head on straight, kinda.. I has supposed to give a speech to accept a scholarship from the Tuskegee Airmen. It was being held in the big ballroom in the Ren Center in Detroit.. the biggest building in the skyline..

So I already had my speech written so I decided to go to one of my friends houses before and got jetskiing and stuff since the speech wasn't until 8pm. This is the summer after my senior year in high school by the way. So My friend convinces me to smoke some pot with him while at his house.. seeing as how it was only 4pm.

So after smoking about 2 blunts and riding on a jet-ski all day I finally get to my house and pick up my mom(my date, awww) and head to the place. We got there just as dinner was being served and sitting at my table next to me was Dr Mae Jemison(black female astrounaut, and very beautiful) and Dennis Archer, lol and the head of the Tuskegee Detroit chapter. So after a bunch of conversation I don;t hardly remember and some awkward momments of me hitting on Mae Jemison I had to go up and give my speech after dinner

I walked up there tripped a lil, got a little laugh from the crowd, and began.. I went through it slowly and perfectly and got a standing ovation for comapring the new times to the times of the past and how I wanted to reach back and help someone like they had done for me. So yea All 700 people were standing cheering and I kinda zoned out for about 50 seconds then finally found my seat. I should probably post some pics of that night.. I dont have a scanner though :-(

Wait...You are black...AND YOU RIDE a JET SKI!!??? FTW... You need to come to B'more and teach some people that Jet Skis not Dirt Bikes are where its at.

lol, I was at one of my white friends houst in saint clair shores.. he has 2 jet skiis and a big boat, that was my first time riding one.. those things are sweet.. I almost died once on a one seater jet ski..I fell off out in the middle of a lake once and a big freighter was coming and I couldn't get back on it and after like 15mins I was so tired I could barely move..

My brother was on land with my friend paul(we were at his cottage on harsens Island) and he had to drive te 2 seater jetski back out and switch with me b4 the freighter sucked me under, it was creepy.. and do freighter really suck people under or were they lying to me?

I was like almost born on a boat. What they are probably referring to is getting caught in the boat wake, which if you were close enough would probably happen. You might find yourself underwater and at the business end of a HUGE prop which turns relatively slowly, but still fast enough to screw up your day. When the QEII came to Baltimore the recommended that boats under 20 feet stay 500 yards away, probably an liberal estimate, but when dealing with a craft that cleared the center span of the Key Bridge by a mere 11 feet, it is probably best to be liberal.