plime.com : Hilarious IRC Quotes

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Hilarious IRC Quotes

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> damn i meant PAID

Top 100 are shown, and the next 100 can be found here -

http://www.bash.org/?top2

picked by genkan 2 years ago

tags IRC quote computer bash.org bash

quote edit #1

comments (21)

edit history (7)

< 1 2 >

15	bluenutr...

2 years ago

quote #2

4	skate2li...

2 years ago

OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD! amazing find upupupvote

quote #3

19	Jerry520

2 years ago

<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little s**ts in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little c**ts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the f**king skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little s**t’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little c**t he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “s**t! s**t!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “f**k! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! f**k!.” By now, the kid is scared s**tless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m f**kING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just f**ked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my s**t from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the c**t she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

That's my fave

<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable f**king silence ever.

A close second

quote #4

17	subobisi...

2 years ago

my fave
and this one
and this one

quote #5

About Plime

Plime is an editable wiki community where users can add and edit weird and interesting links. Users earn karma when other users vote on their actions. The more karma you have, the more power you have at Plime.

syndication

15	bluenutr...

2 years ago

Ok, I've read them all and I laughed so hard I cried on a few. That hasn't happened in a while. Great find!

quote #6

8	mahler87

2 years ago

<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.

quote #7

14	Rowangre...

2 years ago

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, s**t

I'm trying to laugh quietly as it's 2:40am and my husband is asleep. **tee, hee**

quote #8

10	trushaft...

2 years ago

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a f**ken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

did anyone else see the tubgirl post? hahahh

<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

omg hahahah

quote #9

4	Sencerd

2 years ago

That's so nineties... funny anyway tho, not seen it in years.

quote #10

5	extc68

2 years ago

page 12 of 408..getting there :o)

quote #11

10	Fizz71

2 years ago

Well...so much for getting any work done today!

Raven: I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
Raven: It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

quote #12

10	hypersap...

2 years ago

« trushafty38 : <mage>

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

I moved Behe's "Darwin's Black Box" to the humor section a few times.

Didn't get caught, though. B)

quote #13

5	fugazi

2 years ago

quite possible the most entertaining post ever.
s**t.
i laughed...quite a bit.

Killer...

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

quote #14

5	fugazi

2 years ago

Oh yeah...

<_kr4m3r> so many f**king criminals, its bulls**t
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

quote #15

10	Fizz71

2 years ago

I hit the "Random" button for kicks and one of the ones that came back was:

#36582 +(-5)- [X]

<NuttO> I feel bad whenever I run a search on my nick.
<NuttO> The fact that I feel bad that I'm not on a database of IRC quotes makes me feel worse.
<NuttO> It's a downward spiral.

..If you don't see the irony..well...I'm not going to help you. :)

quote #16

3	countach

2 years ago

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

quote #17

10	hypersap...

2 years ago

IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for f**king ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow s**t even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
<wacko_Jacko>ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
<hunney> I am spartacus
<ji_pper>no im spartacus
<Betty_Guns>I am spartacus
<mistr andersn>I’m spartacus
<wacko_Jacko>ur all freaks thats what u r

quote #18

20	suckersk...

2 years ago

My favorite on

http://www.german-bash.org

is this one (might even work in English):

iXZibit> ey ich hab am WE meine Mutter gefragt wegen Geld
muli> O_o h? jetzt echt? oder was?
iXZibit> jo
muli> alter was ist passiert? hast du sie verletzt?
iXZibit> ...
iXZibit> ???
iXZibit> h?
iXZibit> Oh Mann - nicht ge-fraggt!! Ich habe sie etwas gefragt - ihr also eine Frage gestellt. Du zockst zuviel andy!
muli> achso sorry...

Note: "to ask" = "fragen"

They first guy says he asked ("gefragt") his mother for money last weekend, but the other one gets him wrong and thinks he fragged ("gefragt") her. He then asks whether the first one was kidding, but iXzibit negates. It takes him some time to recognize that muli is just gaming too much.
Works because of a common inconsistency of English participle transfer to German. Hilarious.

quote #19

14	Rowangre...

2 years ago

Sorry, I just found another that made me LOL!

"<DieHard> I was lagging so bad it felt like i was shouting binary codes through a pay phone."

quote #20

8	queenofh...

2 years ago

<Insomniak`> Stupid f**king Google
<Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
<Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search

Priceless!

quote #21

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