Oh damn, Mr. Mustard came in and spoiled all the fun.

Just as Dolly said, Mr. Cleese didn't write this. Doesn't make it any less true, however.

I'm a very proud member of the "Petition to Revoke the Independence of the United States of America" facebook group, and this is their credo. I'm trying to memorize it.

Awww, you should really read the rebuttal though :D

Yeah, that has "I get laid every night" written all over it.

Haha, I just read the one in the comments, very well written. There is also a response group that makes me laugh:

Good neighbo(u)rly rivalry. :)

Sorry not a facebook member so I can't read that :)

Darn that mean Mr. Mustard!

This has been around a long time - at least five or six years - still good though!

This one?

RESPONSE TO JOHN CLEESE’S (BASIL FAWLTY’S) NOTICE OF REVOCATION

The Honorable Mr. Cleese/Fawlty,

We will accept your declaration with the proviso if, and only if, the following conditions are met in full and in perpetuity:

1. The Empire. We would be happy to return to Commonwealth or Dominion status, but only if such an empire were of sufficient stature to include the greatest country in the world. Therefore, you would at least need to retake India and probably South Africa in order to restore the whole “…sun never sets on the British Empire” twaddle.

2. Language. We will agree to add all the superfluous u’s and gh’s that you wish. However, there will have to be other simplifications such as calling a lorry what it actually is, a truck, and a Queen what she actually is, a mannequin. Also, you have to actually let the public go to public schools, as well as actually pronouncing words in some semblance of how they look, rather than saying “Sir Rafe Sinjin Worster Smythe” for a fellow named Ralph Saint James Worchester Smith. Cutting down on all the extra names might save a lot a paper and ink too.

3. Speaking of Her Moronity…er…Majesty, there will definitely be a change with regard to the whole royals situation. Henceforth, they will take on the same status as sports stars and actors. If they do something stupid, they get roasted in the press, and if they continue to make fools of themselves, they eventually will fall out of favor and be replaced with someone more interesting or talented. No more of this same family gets all the jewels and worship for centuries on end. We pick who gets big. One other thing, no more pinheaded marriage choices either. Charles might have lucked into a stand up gal in Diana, but Camilla? Oops. Fergie? Ha. Whomever the soft porn star that prince #2 or 3 married and then got dumped by? And so on and on, ad nauseaum. While you’re at it, go ahead and skip Charles and go right to William. He’s smart, good looking and nowhere near the blathering nerd his dad turned out to be. Besides, then we (and you) wouldn’t have to suffer through more years of the queen looking like a bag of potatoes with a bonnet on top.

4. We’ll give British actors more parts and watch your TV series, but there will be a limit of 2 Merchant-Ivory pix per year so as to keep up the level of quality, rather than letting them run down as they have in the past few years. In exchange, we will restrict Woody Allen to one film every 5 years with no love scenes involving him, in the hope that that will revive his career.

5. Cricket. If we are to give up the excitement of football where the athletes actually have to be coordinated enough to use both hands and feet, then you will have to get rid of the utterly mind-numbing boredom of cricket, and replace it with the much more exciting and fast growing sport originated here that is lacrosse. Much faster than soccer, more scoring than cricket and better hitting than rugby. Baseball we will keep since you invented its original form, but we will open up the World Series to all nations. In fact, in a show of honor to Britain, we will even invite you to play us in the inaugural real World Series and show us how it’s done. By the way, no bouncing the ball in the dirt like ponces, you actually have to hit the 95 MPH ball thrown to you. Batter up.

6. Cooking and cleaning. You have to develop a cuisine. Something more interesting than glorified Mrs. Paul’s fish sticks or a big old roast and pudding. Then you have to brush your teeth after every meal like we do. It’s not hard, and some of you have even mastered it. Elizabeth Hurley and Colin Firth seem to have nice teeth, can’t you get everyone else to get with it? As for restaurants and aggressive service, you apparently have never been a newbie ordering a cheesesteak at Geno’s in South Philly, nor been an out of towner in a diner in New York. Give it a try.

7. We have been singing “God Save The Queen” for many years, we just improved the lyrics a ton. Get used to it.

8. Driving. We’ll give up American cars if you promise to stop building worse ones as well. A world of German, Swedish and Asian cars wouldn’t be so bad. Roundabouts will be fine, but it’ll be driving on the right side like the 97.85% of the world except you, the Japanese, the Blighters and a couple other countries who did what you told them 100 years ago when setting up the roads. Raise the petrol prices to whatever. At least we won’t have to worry about gas guzzling Jaguars and Range Rovers breaking down. Ford seems to have gotten better at quality, but their investment in British cars certainly hasn’t.

9. Speaking of the Empire and all that. We might as well settle up about Canada and Australia. Canada will become our 51st state, since they essentially are anyway. Australia would be the 52nd, since they basically act like us and want to be like us as well, not to mention the whole thing about leaving you as outcasts and persecuted like we did. We just adapted better.

10. Beer. Well, it will be fine if we follow the car scenario. We will give up all American beer that’s like making love in a canoe. However, you have to stop making the abominable cross between cat urine and tar that is served slightly less warm than that. That leaves us with German and other European beers, plus Asian ones, which would be just fine.

11. Finally, taxes. Feel free to tote up the bill since 1776. When you are done, just subtract out the costs of saving your arses…er…helping you out in WWI, WWII and the Cold War, and then send us the balance you owe us (in euros, no pounds sterling please). At that point, we will be happy to submit to your pleasure.

If the above terms are not acceptable, well, you’ll have to settle for being number 2 for a few more years.

Cheers.

Does no one on here read www.snopes.com?

Seriously, people!



I don't come here for copied-emails about how an Iraqi Soldier saved a puppy, or Hillary Clinton is the devil.

He probably did, and she probably is, but come on!

Does anyone here read the comments above their own where this has already been pointed out?

Seriously people!

(first comment here, I might add)

Really. Hahahaha. And thanks DEP for printing the rebuttal! Both were funny. I had a feeling it wasn't really John Cleese, and thanks to Dolly's comment(first on the board!) I knew I was right in my thinking. Thanks for giggles.

Well, I read that comment, but I didn't follow the link because I didn't see where a Beatles reference would point to anything other than a page about The Beatles :)

Sorry, you're new and probably don't visit Worth (big sister to Plime). MeanMrMustard is also a member and he linked to the Snopes article on Worth where I picked up the original link. It was new to me.

Tis all good :)

Yes, I can see where that would be confusing. It is usually a good idea to hover over links to see where they lead. Sometimes they can be a bit hidden, especially with the inside jokes and what not.

I don't know if at this stage they're foreign-owned (probably), but surely Aston Martin can still be considered a British car company? In which case, it's fair to say that the Brits do make some top-notch cars.

As well as Jaguars in some cases. Which are no more gas-guzzling than their American counterparts, actually.

Aston Martin is no longer owned by Ford.
Jag still is, though, along with Land Rover.

Jaguars I would not call top notch. Not for a while. Jaguar has been lacking, some models are getting better, but I'm not entirely impressed.

And Aston Martin really isn't on the same level as your normal car. The normal person isn't going to drop 100k+ on a single car.

You have to look at companies like Vauxhall (owned by GM), which is terrible except for the Monaro, which is actually from Australia, the Holden Monaro. That car is amazing. It's the 04-06 Pontiac GTO here (hey, 0-60 in 4.7s, 400hp corvette engine, for 30k? I'd hit it.)