WTF indeed.

I almost shot coffee out my nose.

Whew, at least he was pitching.

That could have been nasty, or nastier, otherwise.

Maybe he should bring his picnic table inside.

Poor wife.

I bet she has no confidence with herself in bed, if he is choosing a metal table above her.

Rectum? It nearly killed him!

I wonder if he knows about Zoltan and his robot girlfriend?

Wait... I don't understand why the police are involved. Is it illegal to have sex with picnic table umbrellas now?

Wait, let's get the story straight. He was f**king a hole, for the umbrella, in the table.

That's totally different than screwing the umbrella, which would be just plain weird.

DEP, to answer your question, apparently you can't sleep with your picnic table within so many feet of a school. Something about it being a picnic table safe zone.

I don't know.

At what point do you become this bored with masturbation?

We had to transport a guy once who was "shaking the shampoo bottle" and got his "caught" on his penis, once. (His story, but I don't buy it!)

By ambulance, from ER to surgery at another campus.

Seems it swelled up while inside and he couldn't get detached from it. He tried cutting it off too and ended up knicking himself in the process.

He was SOOO swollen from his attempt to get it off and avoid embarrassment that it was impossible to remove.

I'm confused. Did he stick his penis inside the bottle? Did he have a real small penis or something?

Sadly, it was one of the hotel shampoo bottles. I'm still embarassed about the whole thing. I thought you weren't aloud to tell people about that stuff. What happened to confidentiality?

He stuck it IN the bottle. I dunno how he got it in there.

two things- 1 why is it ok for the person next door to tape what he did in his back yard. 2 why would anyone want to screw hard plastic and/or meatel.

Only at Plime can an article about a guy having sex with a picccccccnic table get sidetracked.

EDIT: Sorry for the extra Cs. I spilt yogurt in my keyboard this morning.

Sigh.

You mean like this guy spilled some yogurt in his picnic table?

What kind of shampoo comes in a bottle with an opening big enough to stick your penis in?

I went to the bathroom after reading the comment and after looking down at my own member I just can't imagine what sort of shampoo bottle he used. Unless he had a real small penis or something.

Mine is not huge but it also won't fit in any shampoo bottle I have ever purchased. It would not even fit in the opening of one of those 32oz Snapple bottles and they have a large opening.

Aside from that, do you folks still joke about that incident at the ambulance barn?

SO much more information than necessary sir. SO MUCH.

""Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor."


Hum. Somehow I'm thinking that's going to be an issue regardless.

"Excuse me, tablef**ker, are you in need of assistance?"

...why couldn't they just take a page from brokenlizard and hollered over the fence?

Great story, and I'm glad I understood it all "position wise".

We had a story in a newspaper over here a while back about a guy f**king his bike, and I still cannot figure out that one (to all male plimates: apparently it's not okay to be intimate with your bike either, so don't try it at home).

Someone really needs to learn about the fleshlight.

*shudders*