I have been through pregnancy and childbirth twice, and I have found that Jenny McCarthy's book Belly Laughs comes the closest to describing "real" pregnancy and childbirth. I could tell you about my first labor, which lasted 42 hours, but that's a story best left for another day.

One thing my friend discovered was that her feet got bigger from carrying the extra weight. Her nice normal size 8s are now 9-1/2 bordering on 10!

And nursing - oof, don't get me started. But it's still the best and least expensive way to feed the kid, and it's really good for them. Your boobs may or may not get bigger or smaller, and they most likely won't be the same as before. You might be surprised at what they end up looking like... And also that your man will still think they are awesome.

Everybody is different. Every pregnancy is different. I was pregnant four times(lost one) and every one of them was different. Your boobs are going to hurt. You will pee a lot. Your back will ache. You won't be able to sleep on your back much past the 12th week. Labor hurts. You seriously won't care that there are 12 docs and nurses in the delivery room while you are bearing all your glory. As long as one of them takes the pain the away.

I never read belly laughs. It came out after I had been through it. I bet it would still be good for a laugh tho.

In reference to #2 (mood swings)... if you have PMS, and get kinda on edge just before your period, that's kinda what it's like for most of the pregnancy.

I'm not sure what they mean about only checking your dilation during contractions as opposed to randomly. You get to the hospital, they check you. Then they just kinda go from there. With my 2nd child, they were inducing labor. My wife had been at 1.5 cm the week before, and was at 2 cm when she went to the hospital. They come in every hour to check on you, and they don't check dilation every time, it mostly depends on how your labor is going.

And get ready, things are going to hurt. You are going to have trouble getting comfortable.

spam
spam
spam
spam
spam
spam
spam
spam
IM BACK AGAIN!!!!

In my last month of pregnancy (both times), my husband would go out of his way to make me laugh hysterically. I can't tell you how many times I had to waddle into my bedroom for fresh undies because I accidentally dribbled a bit of pee while laughing.

I craved eggs like you wouldn't believe, during both of my pregnancies (and it's how I knew I was pregnant the second time). I hate eggs. With a passion. They're absolutely disgusting. But while pregnant, I ate them just about every single freaking day. Seriously could not get enough of them.

I haven't touched them since. (And never will again - I can't have any more kids.)

My ankles/feet were very swollen in the last two months. I lived in my adjustable sandals during my first pregnancy. And I admit to wearing my slippers out in public during my second (late pregnancy fell during cooler months that time around). No other shoes would fit my feet, my slippers were it. Besides, at that point I didn't give two sh*ts what anybody thought about my footwear.

Have extra pillows around for sleeping during the later months. I used three: one for between my legs/knees, one for under my belly, and one for under my head. Since you cannot sleep on your back in the later months (it's uncomfortable as hell, anyway), side sleeping is your only option. Pillows help tremendously.

As for labor, I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt. Contractions hurt. A lot. Worse if you're induced (my second one was). But my biggest surprise was when it came time to push. The contraction pain disappears when you're pushing (at least, mine did). Completely. There's pressure when you're pushing, but no pain from the contractions. I guess that's nature's way of ensuring women push their kids out. The body's natural reaction to pain is to stop whatever is causing it. I was really amazed by that, and it was a happy surprise during the delivery.

And you really do come away with less modesty afterwards. Like eLJay mentioned, you won't care how many doctors and nurses are in the room while you're laying there with your legs spread. Same with the lactation consultants (if you're planning on nursing) - they'll help your baby get a good latch (which means touching you if you need help doing it). I had one right after my first was born (second one, I already knew what to do on my own). It was awkward at first, but worth it.


/longest post ever