Plime/1Tales from our collective past : ATOM 0.3Tales from our collective past : ATOM 0.3www.plime.complime@plime.com2008, www.plime.com.2008-08-21T05:29:41+01:00<![CDATA[madhatteraggie @ 8/10/2008 9:41:11 AM]]>305366«mewhitenoise : That is SOOOO AWESOME!!!!!! heheh scaring those crazy Catholics with some exorcist s**t.....amazing.I wish I had ...]]>2008-08-10T09:41:11+01:002008-08-10T09:41:11+01:00«mewhitenoise : That is SOOOO AWESOME!!!!!! heheh scaring those crazy Catholics with some exorcist s**t.....amazing.I wish I had a camcoder that day so I could watch it over and over again. The looks on their faces were priceless. Sister Maurine(the principal) looked like she was about to have a heart attack and the Bishop got on his knees and started praying! HA! I can be so horrible sometimes.]]><![CDATA[mewhitenoise @ 8/10/2008 9:27:44 AM]]>305361«madhatteraggie : OK, so I'm full of stories and I thought I'd share this one with everyone, this story had a major impact on my life which is why I ...]]>2008-08-10T09:27:44+01:002008-08-10T09:27:44+01:00«madhatteraggie : OK, so I'm full of stories and I thought I'd share this one with everyone, this story had a major impact on my life which is why I am the person I am today.
I used to be Catholic, I'm now a Wiccan. When I was younger I was one of the biggest Jesus freaks you could ever meet. I went to Catholic school, went to Church at least 3 times a week and never really questioned my faith.
Then I hit the lovely age of 12 and started asking questions about why certain things were the way they were. I always got the same response, either it was "Because God made it that way" or "Because thats how it is".
Apprently my asking questions brought the wrath of my school and the Catholic Church down upon me because one day I get called to the principal's office and I see my mom, the church Bishop, and a few of my teachers sitting there.
When I sat down the principal turns to my mother and says, "Mrs. Dal Moro, you're daughter has been asking a lot of questions and some of them are a bit scandoulous. She's causing a lot of commotion amoung her peers and this has caused us to worry. She used to be such a quiet and obedient girl, that this sudden change in personality worries us greatly. So I've talked to a few of her teahcers and the Bishop and we all agree that we believe your daught is possessed by the Devil or some demon. With your permission and the permission of the Church we would like to perform an excorcism."
Needles to say I was outraged as well as my mom. She started going off on everyone there saying how can they be so stupid, she was only curious, and asking questions is a normal part of growing up, etc. etc.
Then the Bishop chimes in and says to her, "You don't knwo that for sure, her radical change of behavior could be the cause of something evil and we must do something at once."
So, being angry and the little b***h that I was at the time, I dropped to the floor, rolling around, and started talking gibberish which started freaking everyone out in the room. Before it go too out of hand I sat up and started laughing, which no one else thought funny.
To make a long story short, I was removed from the school that day and placed into a private school. Afterwards I started looking for answers, not wanting to completely give up on my religion, but never found anything so I searched elsewhere and today I am a Wiccan.
:-D.That is SOOOO AWESOME!!!!!! heheh scaring those crazy Catholics with some exorcist s**t.....amazing.]]><![CDATA[madhatteraggie @ 8/10/2008 9:22:37 AM]]>305359 I used to be Catholic, I'm now a Wiccan. When I was younger I was one of the biggest Jesus...]]>2008-08-10T09:22:37+01:002008-08-10T09:22:37+01:00 I used to be Catholic, I'm now a Wiccan. When I was younger I was one of the biggest Jesus freaks you could ever meet. I went to Catholic school, went to Church at least 3 times a week and never really questioned my faith.
Then I hit the lovely age of 12 and started asking questions about why certain things were the way they were. I always got the same response, either it was "Because God made it that way" or "Because thats how it is".
Apprently my asking questions brought the wrath of my school and the Catholic Church down upon me because one day I get called to the principal's office and I see my mom, the church Bishop, and a few of my teachers sitting there.
When I sat down the principal turns to my mother and says, "Mrs. Dal Moro, you're daughter has been asking a lot of questions and some of them are a bit scandoulous. She's causing a lot of commotion amoung her peers and this has caused us to worry. She used to be such a quiet and obedient girl, that this sudden change in personality worries us greatly. So I've talked to a few of her teahcers and the Bishop and we all agree that we believe your daught is possessed by the Devil or some demon. With your permission and the permission of the Church we would like to perform an excorcism."
Needles to say I was outraged as well as my mom. She started going off on everyone there saying how can they be so stupid, she was only curious, and asking questions is a normal part of growing up, etc. etc.
Then the Bishop chimes in and says to her, "You don't knwo that for sure, her radical change of behavior could be the cause of something evil and we must do something at once."
So, being angry and the little b***h that I was at the time, I dropped to the floor, rolling around, and started talking gibberish which started freaking everyone out in the room. Before it go too out of hand I sat up and started laughing, which no one else thought funny.
To make a long story short, I was removed from the school that day and placed into a private school. Afterwards I started looking for answers, not wanting to completely give up on my religion, but never found anything so I searched elsewhere and today I am a Wiccan.
:-D.]]><![CDATA[dOntEAtpOOp @ 8/10/2008 8:57:09 AM]]>305350A pair of driving stories
A few years ago my wife and I were driving down a country road, she at the wheel. We're going a good ten miles over the posted speed limit, putting us at about 45-50MPH, when this a*****e in a truck starts riding o...]]>2008-08-10T08:57:09+01:002008-08-10T08:57:09+01:00A pair of driving stories
A few years ago my wife and I were driving down a country road, she at the wheel. We're going a good ten miles over the posted speed limit, putting us at about 45-50MPH, when this a*****e in a truck starts riding our ass like we're crawling in the fast lane on the interstate highway.
So this b*****d rides us for about a minute before swerving around us, slamming his pedal down, and flipping us off while honking the horn as he flew passed us. He was really booking, because he was soon out of sight on the road. But like five or six seconds later we see a cop behind us, he turns on his lights and siren and speeds past us.
It's hard to convey the joy we felt when, moments later, we came upon the a*****e pulled over on the side of the road with the cop getting out of his cruiser to write him a ticket.
I told my wife to slow way down so that we were sort of in parade mode and I leaned real far out the window. I did my best Nelson Muntz impression, pointed at him and said "Haha" before we drove on.
About a week ago my wife and I are driving along the highway when some guy in front of us who had a couch on a trailer lost his couch just as he was heading onto an off-ramp. The couch went flying and my wife had to slam on the brakes. So this couch, it managed to clear the ramp and land on those little diagonal lines that mark the road edge and the guy pulls off the road on the other side of the off ramp (putting an empty lane between him and the couch).
First, clearly he should have strapped that thing in if he was going to drive on the highway; but then, as my wife attempts to go around him he gets out of his truck without bothering to check for traffic and crosses the lane. As he crosses it dawns on him to check for traffic, so he looks at us as he walks, making eye contact the whole time.
My wife, understandably, is a bit agitated at this. She's practically fuming behind the wheel, but not saying a word, while this guy has the goofiest idiot-smile on his face; the smile being a blend of "I'm a f**king moron" and "please don't run me over, lady".
Mrs. Poop is a bit hormonal, being super pregnant, so she was probably a bit more heated over the incident than she should have been (definately more than I would have been because I would have just got out and helped him grab the couch while mocking him the whole time, but we were in a hurry and I wasn't driving so I stayed where i was). So when the guy drags the couch across the lane, despite seeing that we were trying to move through, he continues staring with his stupid smile and vacant eyes.
When he finally clears the lane, my wife hits the pedal and says in a not-yelling-but-loud-enough-for-him-to-hear voice "Most people look before they walk out in front of traffic on a highway!"
So he says, "Well you don't have to be a b***h about it."
Thankfully we weren't going too fast yet, so I was able to lean out the window and look back at him and say (not yell, just say) "Hey go f**k yourself on your hand-me-down couch."]]><![CDATA[mewhitenoise @ 8/9/2008 9:34:43 PM]]>305147 When I was in middle school, a friend of mine had this little area in his house, which we had dubbed The Loft, it was like an attic like room, except it was in the basement.....so it was like an attic to the basemen...]]>2008-08-09T21:34:43+01:002008-08-09T21:34:43+01:00 When I was in middle school, a friend of mine had this little area in his house, which we had dubbed The Loft, it was like an attic like room, except it was in the basement.....so it was like an attic to the basement.
Anyways we had a few sleepovers in there, and the sleep madness started to set in sooooo we started doing some strange things, for some reason we decided not to leave the loft for the whole night and we peed in bottles behind a curtainish thing made from blankets and left them in the corner.
Eventually we came to the conclusion that rolling little pieces of paper into cigarette shape lighting them and pretending to smoke would be a good idea. This was before I had ever smoked a cigarette or even seen weed. So we were performing this strange act for a while, and then someone got the "cigarette" too close to the insulation, and all of a sudden, the ceiling caught fire.
So we all get really freaked out and start beating the ceiling rapidly with the pillows we had with us. Finally we finish off all of the flames and relax. Then one of my friends sees some more fire way up high in the ceiling in a little niche. So I shoved the pillow I had into the hole and luckily this worked. We had almost started my friends house on fire and his parents never found out (too my knowledge)
This story seems a lot stranger telling it now then it did then. (with pissing in bottles, and the cigarettes) Man my childhood was strange.....but so has been my whole life.]]><![CDATA[Sputum @ 8/9/2008 9:04:04 PM]]>305135«muppetmaker
So one day for Bruce's Birthday my Grandmother brought him home a amputated breast in a jar.
So one day for Bruce's Birthday my Grandmother brought him home a amputated breast in a jar.
I'll give him ten bucks for it...]]><![CDATA[SparklyEyedGal181 @ 8/9/2008 8:53:59 PM]]>305130«muppetmaker :amputated boy partsewwwwwwwwww!]]>2008-08-09T20:53:59+01:002008-08-09T20:53:59+01:00«muppetmaker :amputated boy partsewwwwwwwwww!]]><![CDATA[bingo @ 8/9/2008 2:07:15 PM]]>304921«muppetmaker : So, this post about «muppetmaker : So, this post about boobs made me think of this story.
Needless to say he never said tit again.HAHAHAHAHAHA - did he keep it?]]><![CDATA[sykeo56 @ 8/9/2008 2:00:34 PM]]>304918«muppetmaker : Needless to say he never said tit again.Needless to say, I just threw up.]]>2008-08-09T14:00:34+01:002008-08-09T14:00:34+01:00«muppetmaker : Needless to say he never said tit again.Needless to say, I just threw up.]]><![CDATA[muppetmaker @ 8/9/2008 12:53:59 PM]]>304884boobs made me think of this story.
My Grandmother worked in a hospital with my Grandfather, they worked for a comp...]]>2008-08-09T12:53:59+01:002008-08-09T12:53:59+01:00boobs made me think of this story.
My Grandmother worked in a hospital with my Grandfather, they worked for a company that would send them to hospitals everywhere to set up labs, with all the brand new lab equipment and show the staff how to use it, conduct tests, all that jazz.
My uncle Bruce, who was the third of seven children, my father being the youngest had this unnatural fascination with Breasts. LOVE BOOBS. Though back then the proper slang for breasts was Tits. And he would use that world like there was no tomorrow. 'Tits. Tits. Tits.' This wouldn't have been so big a problem if it weren't for my Grandmother hating the word tit. HATED IT. Every time an argument would arise between mom and son, Bruce would simply throw down 'TITS... TITS." And this would anger my Grandmother so much she would storm off.
She had to do something to stop this crazy boy and his foul mouth. Having full access to a hospital at the time it seemed my Grandmother had a plan. Most hospitals stored their amputated boy parts, for what ever reason, honestly I dont know. But there would be rooms and rooms of jars stuffed with arms, eyes, a kidney, what ever needed to be chopped off.
So one day for Bruce's Birthday my Grandmother brought him home a amputated breast in a jar.
Needless to say he never said tit again.]]><![CDATA[supaman @ 8/5/2008 12:32:52 PM]]>302482(Marz)]]>2008-08-05T12:32:52+01:002008-08-05T12:32:52+01:00(Marz)]]><![CDATA[meggysue @ 8/1/2008 12:54:21 PM]]>300542 Bornbad and I are cousins. EEEEEEEKKK!
And that's just the start of it. When I was 12, we visited my Nana in Point Pleasant, NJ. My sister and I were relegated to sleeping upstairs. I don't know where my mother slept, maybe o...]]>2008-08-01T12:54:21+01:002008-08-01T12:54:21+01:00 Bornbad and I are cousins. EEEEEEEKKK!
And that's just the start of it. When I was 12, we visited my Nana in Point Pleasant, NJ. My sister and I were relegated to sleeping upstairs. I don't know where my mother slept, maybe on the couch? Never wondered that before, hmmm.
Anyway, Bornbad's sisters made a special point to tell us that NO ONE had EVER spent a whole night upstairs in Nana's house. You see, it backed up to a graveyard, which was already spooky, and it was supposedly haunted. We laughed it off as a prank, but it stayed in the back of our minds.
That night, my older sister Barbara slept in the bedroom at the front of the house. Little old 12 year old me slept in the back bedroom, which faced the graveyard (THANKS BARBARA.) I turned up the standing mirror so that it wouldn't reflect the gauzy curtains in the window and freak me out if I woke up unexpectedly. We were worn out from traveling, so went to sleep.
In the middle of the night, the slats fell out of my sister's bed, and the mirror flipped back over, at the same time. We didn't even touch the stairs on the way down, just flew over them.
To this day, I don't think ANYONE has EVER spent the whole night upstairs in that house. And mom must have slept with Nana, 'cuz I don't think she did either.]]><![CDATA[blurmore @ 8/1/2008 12:29:26 PM]]>300526«smarty1052 : the freighter sucked me under, it was creepy.. and do freighter really suck people under or were they lying to me?I was like ...]]>2008-08-01T12:29:26+01:002008-08-01T12:29:26+01:00«smarty1052 : the freighter sucked me under, it was creepy.. and do freighter really suck people under or were they lying to me?I was like almost born on a boat. What they are probably referring to is getting caught in the boat wake, which if you were close enough would probably happen. You might find yourself underwater and at the business end of a HUGE prop which turns relatively slowly, but still fast enough to screw up your day. When the QEII came to Baltimore the recommended that boats under 20 feet stay 500 yards away, probably an liberal estimate, but when dealing with a craft that cleared the center span of the Key Bridge by a mere 11 feet, it is probably best to be liberal.]]><![CDATA[smarty1052 @ 8/1/2008 12:23:40 PM]]>300522«blurmore:Wait...You are black...AND YOU RIDE a JET SKI!!??? FTW... You need to come to B'more and teach some people that Jet Skis not Dirt Bikes ar...]]>2008-08-01T12:23:40+01:002008-08-01T12:23:40+01:00«blurmore:Wait...You are black...AND YOU RIDE a JET SKI!!??? FTW... You need to come to B'more and teach some people that Jet Skis not Dirt Bikes are where its at.lol, I was at one of my white friends houst in saint clair shores.. he has 2 jet skiis and a big boat, that was my first time riding one.. those things are sweet.. I almost died once on a one seater jet ski..I fell off out in the middle of a lake once and a big freighter was coming and I couldn't get back on it and after like 15mins I was so tired I could barely move..
My brother was on land with my friend paul(we were at his cottage on harsens Island) and he had to drive te 2 seater jetski back out and switch with me b4 the freighter sucked me under, it was creepy.. and do freighter really suck people under or were they lying to me?]]><![CDATA[blurmore @ 8/1/2008 12:16:40 PM]]>300515«smarty1052 : So after smoking about 2 blunts and riding on a jet-ski all day (Wait...You are black...AND YOU RIDE a JET SKI!!??? FTW....]]>2008-08-01T12:16:40+01:002008-08-01T12:16:40+01:00«smarty1052 : So after smoking about 2 blunts and riding on a jet-ski all day (Wait...You are black...AND YOU RIDE a JET SKI!!??? FTW... You need to come to B'more and teach some people that Jet Skis not Dirt Bikes are where its at.]]><![CDATA[smarty1052 @ 8/1/2008 12:10:38 PM]]>3005082008-08-01T12:10:38+01:002008-08-01T12:10:38+01:00 So I already had my speech written so I decided to go to one of my friends houses before and got jetskiing and stuff since the speech wasn't until 8pm. This is the summer after my senior year in high school by the way. So My friend convinces me to smoke some pot with him while at his house.. seeing as how it was only 4pm.
So after smoking about 2 blunts and riding on a jet-ski all day I finally get to my house and pick up my mom(my date, awww) and head to the place. We got there just as dinner was being served and sitting at my table next to me was Dr Mae Jemison(black female astrounaut, and very beautiful) and Dennis Archer, lol and the head of the Tuskegee Detroit chapter. So after a bunch of conversation I don;t hardly remember and some awkward momments of me hitting on Mae Jemison I had to go up and give my speech after dinner
I walked up there tripped a lil, got a little laugh from the crowd, and began.. I went through it slowly and perfectly and got a standing ovation for comapring the new times to the times of the past and how I wanted to reach back and help someone like they had done for me. So yea All 700 people were standing cheering and I kinda zoned out for about 50 seconds then finally found my seat. I should probably post some pics of that night.. I dont have a scanner though :-(]]><![CDATA[Chez @ 8/1/2008 6:11:37 AM]]>300372«mewhitenoise : I used to be one weird ass little kid.
I would make what I called potions by pouring together the little tiny bits...]]>2008-08-01T06:11:37+01:002008-08-01T06:11:37+01:00«mewhitenoise : I used to be one weird ass little kid.
I would make what I called potions by pouring together the little tiny bits of liquid left in all of the bottles in the recycling bin (why my parents didn't get me a chemistry set, I don't know....guess they were to busy pushing sports on me).
So one day I have my potion in my back yard and I am hanging out with my neighbor, who I was on and off with friendship with him. The neighborhood wandering cat Aris comes along and wants too be petted. My neighbor being a mean little kid decides to pour my disgusting wine milk apple cider grape juice apple sauce "potion" onto this poor cat.
I react quickly and unintentional poor the potion on him. So he runs away covered in some disgusting substance.....and I guess it was karma.DUDE! I USED TO DO THAT TOO!!! I used to pour my concoctions onto different leaves on plants and I would check them every day to see if thhey were dry or mutated lmao
awww yay for being mad scientists!]]><![CDATA[mewhitenoise @ 8/1/2008 6:01:40 AM]]>300370 I would make what I called potions by pouring together the little tiny bits of liquid left in all of the bottles in the recycling bin (why my parents didn't get me a chemistry set, I don't know....guess they ...]]>2008-08-01T06:01:40+01:002008-08-01T06:01:40+01:00 I would make what I called potions by pouring together the little tiny bits of liquid left in all of the bottles in the recycling bin (why my parents didn't get me a chemistry set, I don't know....guess they were to busy pushing sports on me).
So one day I have my potion in my back yard and I am hanging out with my neighbor, who I was on and off with friendship with him. The neighborhood wandering cat Aris comes along and wants too be petted. My neighbor being a mean little kid decides to pour my disgusting wine milk apple cider grape juice apple sauce "potion" onto this poor cat.
I react quickly and unintentionally pour the potion on him. So he runs away covered in some disgusting substance.....and I guess it was karma.]]><![CDATA[chinook @ 8/1/2008 5:35:44 AM]]>300363 Saskatoons! The summer when I was 9 or maybe 10, I was at the cabin with my brothers and my mom and grandma. The weather was good one afternoon, but hangin' out with my family got a bit bori...]]>2008-08-01T05:35:44+01:002008-08-01T05:35:44+01:00 Saskatoons! The summer when I was 9 or maybe 10, I was at the cabin with my brothers and my mom and grandma. The weather was good one afternoon, but hangin' out with my family got a bit boring after 10 minutes, so I decided to go and play with my cousin, Jono. I sauntered down the dirt lane, grateful it was never really graveled as I was barefoot as usual. Jonathan and I played minigolf on the little minigolf course we had set up (using atco flags and soup cans), and then climbed trees and the treehouse like monkeys. I was super excited that day because my bestest friend in all the land was supposed to arrive later that afternoon, and I couldn't wait to see him. Jono and I both kept our little ears strained for the sound of tires crunching on gravel, and eventually ended up back out on the lane so that we wouldn't miss the first glimpse of our friend's car.
At the end of the lane there were several large saskatoon bushes, and being mid-July they were just loaded with delicious berries. We were hungry after playing all afternoon, and decided to just have a few berries.
"Hey look, Lex, I'm eating like a bear!" Jonathan exclaimed as he shoved a berry-laden branch into his mouth.
I just laughed, and did the same. It then became a contest to see who could eat the fastest, and then who could put the most in their mouth, and then who could eat without using our hands....
It wasn't until there were no more berries on the branches we could reach that we began to notice the time. We'd been eating berries for over an hour, and it was now suppertime. Time to skedaddle!
I ran straight home, and my mom and grandma were just setting the table. They took one look at my purple lips, cheeks and fingers and began to scold me for ruining my appetite for supper AND for being late. As a punishment, I'd be missing supper AND helping with the dishes once everyone was done eating, even though it wasn't my turn. Curses!
I hurried through the dishes while whining about cleaning up after a supper I didn't eat. I just wanted the dishes to be done because my best friend was almost here!
As I put the last dry dish on the shelf, I felt something really rumble in my tummy. It was NOT good, not at all. I thought back to the infinities of berries I had eaten just a few hours ago. Uh-oh.
I spent the rest of the night curled up near the toilet. My bestest friend in all the land came over to see if I could come and play, but I was too scared to move. My mom was trying hard not to laugh, though she said in hindsight she hadn't really needed to punish me with the dishes.
Now I try not to eat berries like a bear.]]><![CDATA[dork @ 6/5/2008 8:18:55 PM]]>270930«donteatpoop : So... Do you have a plane now that you're older?
My funds are a little short at the moment and I don't wanna use...]]>2008-06-05T20:18:55+01:002008-06-05T20:18:55+01:00«donteatpoop : So... Do you have a plane now that you're older?
My funds are a little short at the moment and I don't wanna use a credit card or take out a loan ;-).
I didnt say how much older I would be before I got one, give me ten more years.]]><![CDATA[donteatpoop @ 6/5/2008 4:46:23 PM]]>270814«dork : I promised myself that when I'm older I would get a plane. So... Do you have a plane now that you're older?]]>2008-06-05T16:46:23+01:002008-06-05T16:46:23+01:00«dork : I promised myself that when I'm older I would get a plane. So... Do you have a plane now that you're older?]]><![CDATA[dork @ 6/5/2008 4:39:36 PM]]>2708072008-06-05T16:39:36+01:002008-06-05T16:39:36+01:00 I will never forget that day...]]><![CDATA[chinook @ 6/5/2008 3:30:49 PM]]>270720 Once we were settled into our tents, one of my fello...]]>2008-06-05T15:30:49+01:002008-06-05T15:30:49+01:00 Once we were settled into our tents, one of my fellow summer students, a guy who lived in Denver and later Vancouver (so urbanite for the most part) pulls out his cellphone and turns it on. To my utter surprise, he tries to make a call.
"Alex," I said, "you realize the nearest tower is probably 1500km away?"
"Yeah," he replied "but I should at least get analog out here!!" He kept trying to call for another 5 minutes or so before giving up in frustration.
And thus began the city-boy jokes that lasted for a good portion of that summer.]]><![CDATA[suckersklub @ 4/17/2008 8:34:03 PM]]>241303 I got a snapping turtle for my 9th birthday. It was doing great for about a year, then it turned out it had caught some kind of infection that was affecting its shell. We had it treated over and over again, but it didn't help. Eve...]]>2008-04-17T20:34:03+01:002008-04-17T20:34:03+01:00 I got a snapping turtle for my 9th birthday. It was doing great for about a year, then it turned out it had caught some kind of infection that was affecting its shell. We had it treated over and over again, but it didn't help. Eventually, the vet recommended to get some live fish and feed them to the turtle. So one night, my mother snuck up to the fish tank at the school she works at. She caught one of the guppies in a coffee mug from the staff room and brought it home. We placed it in the turtle's tank and waited. We waited until the poor turtle had died, and there was only a lonely guppy making its rounds in the tank. We decided it needed some company, so my mother stole a few others, in a bucket this time.
The cup she brought the first one in was referred to as "the fish cup" for many years. Nobody in the family would want to use it, and only occasionally it would be offered to visitors. It somehow disappeared when we moved in 1999.
Even today, when I pour myself a cup of coffee, I sometimes remember the turtle, and the lonely fish. I have to turn my face away then, and pretend something got into my eye.]]><![CDATA[tundramonkey @ 4/15/2008 8:43:34 PM]]>239449 I went to a Stars playoff home game about a decade ago. It was the Stars vs the Oilers, and my brother, cousin and I roadtripped it from Calgary to Texas. I think it took us somewhere close to 40 hours of driving, but it was ...]]>2008-04-15T20:43:34+01:002008-04-15T20:43:34+01:00 I went to a Stars playoff home game about a decade ago. It was the Stars vs the Oilers, and my brother, cousin and I roadtripped it from Calgary to Texas. I think it took us somewhere close to 40 hours of driving, but it was worth it.
We listened to Garth Brooks and George Strait for most of that trip. We still had a tape deck in the truck, and it was a party for us.
The people sitting beside us probably thought we were nuts. We sang Stompin' Tom for pretty much the whole third period.
I thought we were nuts and crazy for making the trip, but there were lots of fellow Oil fans there, several of whom had also scored tix and just hauled 'er down for the game.
Good Times, Good Times.]]><![CDATA[Jerry520 @ 4/14/2008 1:56:19 PM]]>2380532008-04-14T13:56:19+01:002008-04-14T13:56:19+01:00<![CDATA[tomphoolry @ 4/14/2008 1:53:41 PM]]>238050I don't know about you Jerry, but when I'm making a bombing run, there's not enough room for a knife (I'm not even getting into that whole kettle of fish) to fall through between the edge of the seat and...well,Mr. Happy. [/sarcasm...]]>2008-04-14T13:53:41+01:002008-04-14T13:53:41+01:00I don't know about you Jerry, but when I'm making a bombing run, there's not enough room for a knife (I'm not even getting into that whole kettle of fish) to fall through between the edge of the seat and...well,Mr. Happy. [/sarcasm]]]><![CDATA[Jerry520 @ 4/14/2008 1:46:19 PM]]>238043«SparklyEyedGal181 : Two Points: 1) I would have totally gone after it 2) Who plays with knives while pooing?1) Ewww. 2)...]]>2008-04-14T13:46:19+01:002008-04-14T13:46:19+01:00«SparklyEyedGal181 : Two Points: 1) I would have totally gone after it 2) Who plays with knives while pooing?1) Ewww. 2) Hi, I'm Jeremy. :D]]><![CDATA[SparklyEyedGal181 @ 4/14/2008 1:57:41 AM]]>237741«Jerry520 : Loss Two Points: 1) I would have totally gone after it 2) Who plays with knives while pooing?]]>2008-04-14T01:57:41+01:002008-04-14T01:57:41+01:00«Jerry520 : Loss Two Points: 1) I would have totally gone after it 2) Who plays with knives while pooing?]]><![CDATA[Jerry520 @ 4/14/2008 12:46:25 AM]]>237718Loss
Today was a sad day for me. My favorite swiss army knife is now gone. I was at work today, and I used the restroom, and no, I didn't have to pee. I took out my swiss army knife as I was dropping some bombs, because I like messing with ...]]>2008-04-14T00:46:25+01:002008-04-14T00:46:25+01:00Loss
Today was a sad day for me. My favorite swiss army knife is now gone. I was at work today, and I used the restroom, and no, I didn't have to pee. I took out my swiss army knife as I was dropping some bombs, because I like messing with my knife. It's shiny, or at least it was. It slipped out of my hand, and fell....as it was falling, I thought "NOOO!" and then heard a small, but devastating *bloop*. I looked down, and saw my beloved knife sawing a "log". For a split second,(keep in mind, I'm a bit OCD and a bit of a germophobe) I honestly considered going after it. Then, I came to my senses, and flushed my friend...Let's all have a moment of silence for my swiss army knife.
Thank you.]]><![CDATA[SparklyEyedGal181 @ 4/14/2008 12:09:18 AM]]>237704«suebe : Hope you're not going a wandering now, girl....Nope. Just been traversing the internet this past week.]]>2008-04-14T00:09:18+01:002008-04-14T00:09:18+01:00«suebe : Hope you're not going a wandering now, girl....Nope. Just been traversing the internet this past week.]]><![CDATA[suebe @ 4/13/2008 11:30:25 PM]]>237700«SparklyEyedGal181 : Hope you're not going a wandering now, girl....]]>2008-04-13T23:30:25+01:002008-04-13T23:30:25+01:00«SparklyEyedGal181 : Hope you're not going a wandering now, girl....]]><![CDATA[SparklyEyedGal181 @ 4/13/2008 11:05:56 PM]]>237694The Manhole A Tale in which Sadie gets Stitches
I'll put a spoiler tag on the graphic stuff.
One night my junior year, my friend Dani and I met a few guys downtown in a bar. They seemed pretty cool and they invited us t...]]>2008-04-13T23:05:56+01:002008-04-13T23:05:56+01:00The Manhole A Tale in which Sadie gets Stitches
I'll put a spoiler tag on the graphic stuff.
One night my junior year, my friend Dani and I met a few guys downtown in a bar. They seemed pretty cool and they invited us to a party. Being none the wiser and having no transportation of our own, we crawl into their car and head to the very north side of town.
This house was about two miles away from any real houses and another 1/2 mile down a twisted gravel road with trees lining either side. I never would have known there were houses back there if these guys hadn't taken us there. When we arrived to the house, we realized that these seemingly nice guys lived in a crack den. Seven people were living in this house that had five rooms. Not five bedrooms, just five rooms. Beer bottles everywhere. Soiled clothes. Condom wrappers. Used condoms. Dog sh*t (or human maybe). Dead bugs. Dirty guy sleeping on the couch. Goldeneye for N64 is on pause on the TV. It was so unbearably dirty.
The guys then offered us a beer, we grudgingly accepted, hoping if we played nice, we could convince them to take us back to town. We followed one guys into the kitchen, who instead of handing us two beer bottles, washes out two glasses, pours our beers in them, then tries to drop a pill in the beers without us seeing. Yeah right. Realizing I'm about to be date raped in a crack den, I throw the beer in the guy's face, grab Dani and run. They start after us, but I scream that I'm calling 911, so they go back inside.
We're a quarter mile down the dirt road before we call a friend to come pick us up. She's at a bar a town away, so she tells us to walk to a gas station that's about a mile away and wait there, rather than her trying to find us on some random dirt road. Because I'm a genius, I decide that cutting through the field would be way faster than hiking another 1/4 mile and then a mile down the road. This is a great idea, except it's real dark. We're walking for about 20 minutes, taking our time. We keep stumbling on rocks. We're swearing and laughing.
Then without warning, I fall straight down. I feel a pain in my leg and I land hard on my ass. All around me it's dark, up above I see the night sky. That's when I realize I'm in a hole that about 6 feet deep and 3 feet wide. Dani's head appears above me.
"Are you okay" "Um...no."
Then Dani gets the giggles and she can't stop laughing.
"Dani, get me the f*ck out of here!" She subdues her laughter long enough to pull me out, then when I'm panting on the ground, she starts to laugh again.
"What's so f*cking funny?" "You just fell straight down, it was like a cartoon!" "You're a b***h." "I know, but it was still funny."
As she continued laughing, we kept walking. I knew I had cut my right leg, but I couldn't really do anything about it. We get to the gas station and go inside to buy a band-aid. Under the fluorescent lighting of the gas station, we realize a band-aid isn't really going to cut it. My leg is covered in dried blood and is still bleeding. The gash is about 1/2 deep and 3 inches long. Dirty as all hell. There's little bits of fat stuck out of the skin. I'm suddenly very faint and our friend with the car finally arrives. We decide I need a hospital. I get 9 stitches, a big 'ole tetanus shot, and a needle full of antibiotics. It was awesome.
The next day, Dani and I went to find what I fell into and possibly see what I cut my leg on. We find the spot and there's this little metal sign that says "Caution: Manhole." The cover to manhole had been stolen. We called the city to report it and apparently every time they put in a new one, someone steals it, and I'm not the first person to fall in it.
I still refuse to go night-hiking because of this very manhole.]]><![CDATA[titojuante @ 4/13/2008 9:38:25 PM]]>237665 Edit: Stories like my fri...]]>2008-04-13T21:38:25+01:002008-04-13T21:38:25+01:00 Edit: Stories like my friend Shaun had his two sisters that worked at the same strip club and did sister shows. I will write about those at a later time.]]><![CDATA[titojuante @ 4/13/2008 5:42:24 PM]]>237543Friday Night
I am going to use spoiler tags in this story to cover up any NSFW stuff.
I do not remember all of these details because large amounts of alcohol were involved. I was refreshed to much of this story last night.
2008-04-13T17:42:24+01:002008-04-13T17:42:24+01:00Friday Night
I am going to use spoiler tags in this story to cover up any NSFW stuff.
I do not remember all of these details because large amounts of alcohol were involved. I was refreshed to much of this story last night.
Friday was my friend Andy's 29th birthday, his birthday was actually Thursday but we were celebrating on Friday.
We started the night off at the local American Legion Post. We go there a lot because it is a quiet bar where we get very cheap drinks and shoot some pool. We start here because it is close to our houses and they all love us there and many times get lots of free drinks.
People keep buying us drinks, by about 11 pm I myself had drank two pitchers of beer, two gin and tonics. 3 shots of Jagermeister (the way she pours they are large 3 oz shots so they are actually almost triple shots) and one shot of Wild Turkey 101. Andy was keeping the same pace as me and our friend Matt earlier decided he wasn't really planning on drinking that night so he would drive us around. The Post had been or idea just for a starting point. We still had planned to go to the casino and then the strip club.
We get to the casino and Matt and Andy precede over to the blackjack table and I disappear over near the bar. I light up a cigarette and security comes over to me to remind me that it is now illegal to smoke in Illinois casinos. When he told me to put out my cigarette he realized that I was wasted and then told me I had to leave the casino. My friends did not know that I was kicked out and they had apparently been walking all over trying to find me. They said to each other "he probably got kicked out", they went and found a security guard and asked "did you kick a guy with a beard out?" "Oh him, yeah" the guard replied.
They then went out to the car to get me and then go to the strip club. "Where the hell is Mike?" I was nowhere to be found. For some reason I was wandering around the parking lot. I think after I got kicked out, I thought I drove and was by myself and started wandering around looking for my car. A security van pulls up to me and Andy yells out of the window "hey idiot, get in" The guard took us to Andy's car and we were off to the strip club.
Drive to the first strip club they won't let Matt in because his id is broken. I really have to pee at this point so I ask the bouncer if I can just go in to use the restroom. He says ok. Ten minutes pass and Andy and Matt are wondering where I am. Andy peeks his head in and I'm sitting at a table. "Mike! Come on, we have to go."
I jump in the car and we wonder across the street to the other club. We all get in. In a matter of moments I was sitting at the bar in deep conversation with one of the strippers sitting at the bar. My friends are confused. How did Mike work that out so quick? I can't tell you, but she took a liking to me. It wasn't the usual strippers trying to con me out of money either.
Matt comes over to see what we are doing. "Mike? What are you doing" The girl looks at Matt and says "I'm feeding him cheese." She then proceeds to pull the plastic back from the cheese and feeds it by hand to me. Matt is confused, but laughs at me eating cheese.
Matt and Andy then tell me they saw her get up and I walked over to a chair in the back and she showed back up. The said her legs were over my head and she was dancing all over me, She leaves and I sit there for a while. They come by to see what is going on with me. They approach me and realize that I am asleep. Matt then makes a funny discovery and points it out to Andy. Matt had noticed that my fly was opened wide and my head was slightly showing. They start laughing and wake me up and tell me to put my junk away. This all came back to me last night. I am pretty sure the stripper was giving me a hand job.
I wake up and go back over to the bar and start hanging out with her. My friends told me that we were sitting there and she was holding my crotch the whole time and vise versa. I then fall a sleep at the bar again and they placed a towel with a picture of a naked chick on it and as strangers would pass they would grope the breasts on the towel which was on my head. I wake up after about 10 minutes cuss someone out and continue talking.
I finally get home at around 4:00 am. I wake up in the morning and realize my wallet is missing. I am freaking out that I lost it again. Well, I probably had no money left anyways all I will have to replace is my debit card. I then out of the corner of my eyes spot my wallet laying on the floor. Sweet! I didn't lose it. I open it and am confused. How do I still have so much money left? I was sure the stripper had gotten most of my money, but no.
I went back to sleep and slept till about 4:00 pm and was amazed that I woke with no hangover.]]><![CDATA[suebe @ 3/31/2008 1:56:37 PM]]>229692Smokin' in the boys room
Peter and I were spending a weekend in upstate NY with 3 other couples at one of their grandmother’s country homes. Beautiful place, right on a lake, in the dead of winter.
We decide to visit the loca...]]>2008-03-31T13:56:37+01:002008-03-31T13:56:37+01:00Smokin' in the boys room
Peter and I were spending a weekend in upstate NY with 3 other couples at one of their grandmother’s country homes. Beautiful place, right on a lake, in the dead of winter.
We decide to visit the local watering hole for a few adult beverages and dinner. We’re seated at the bar and everyone there seems to have a gun – shotguns galore. Behind the bar, next to their seats, everywhere…Ok, I’m a cop’s daughter and my dad, uncle and brothers hunt so I’m used to guns, just not in public like this. Deer and moose heads are the primary wall decoration. A real good ole boys’ place.
We’re having a grand old time being the center of attention – nothing like the city folks coming into the country place, but before long we were making new friends and just enjoying ourselves.
We all know that eventually you have to relieve yourself of whatever adult beverages you’re drinking, and one by one the guys got up and went to the men’s room. First guy goes…gone 5 minutes or so…doesn’t return….2nd guy goes…another 5 minutes…neither one is back…..3rd….you’re getting this now, aren’t you…The last guy goes and we’re now about hour from the time the first guy goes to the toilet.
Remember the guns? I did. I was afraid there was trouble brewing, so I got up and walked into the men’s room. Yes I did.
Instead of urinals, stalls and sinks, there was a completely separate bar behind the door. And, seated at the bar, all of our guys. I made Peter buy me a drink there so I could say I was drinking in the men’s room. I waved in the rest of the girls and we had a few more drinks.
We did eventually have dinner in the main restaurant and returned to the house.
Part II – It’s freakin’ cold!!!
Remember I said we were upstate on a lake in the winter. Well, the only heat in the house was a fireplace. The fire had now burned out and we didn’t have anymore. But, hey, we passed some in a pile right down the road.
Off we go on a wood collecting mission. It was 3 of the guys and myself. It’s dark, we’re all drunk and noisy and walking. We finally get to the woodpile. Great – free fire wood.
We each grab a couple of logs and start back to the house.
Now…remember the guns?
All of a sudden gunfire breaks out – and a guy is aiming at us and yelling that we’re stealing his wood! We drop everything and go flying back to the house.
Luckily…he didn’t follow us.
It was the coldest night I ever endured.]]><![CDATA[chinook @ 3/31/2008 11:35:46 AM]]>229625Accidently Scaring the Other Woman in Camp
So there I was, in Nunavut, traversing across the tundra. It was sort of a solo trav, I think the other two summer students I was with were only a kilometre or two away from me.
So anyw...]]>2008-03-31T11:35:46+01:002008-03-31T11:35:46+01:00Accidently Scaring the Other Woman in Camp
So there I was, in Nunavut, traversing across the tundra. It was sort of a solo trav, I think the other two summer students I was with were only a kilometre or two away from me.
So anyways, I was moving at a pretty good speed, collecting lots of rocks, smashing some outcrops, and I came to the end of my traverse a bit earlier than planned. It wasn't a big deal; the helicopter was supposed to pick us up at 5, and it was 4 so I figured I'd just chill and maybe nap for that last hour. I was at the tip of a peninsula on a lake, so it wasn't as though I could have gone farther if I wanted to.
I had a lighter in my pocket, and being the redneck prairie girl I am I decided to light things on fire. I gathered up some dry, dead willow branches (the willow "trees" there are maybe 5cm tall) and a bunch of heather, and before I knew it I had a toasty little fire going. The heather burned FAST, so I had had to keep getting more and more, but it kept me occupied for the better part of that hour. When I could hear the helicopter coming, I kicked the few ashes into the lake and radioed my location.
I climbed into the back, got all buckeled up and we started to take off.
The woman beside me, another summer student, suddenly exclaimed "Oh my goodness!! I smell smoke!!! Is the helicopter on fire?!? We should land. This isn't good. Where's the fire?!?"
She was just freaking out, and was going on and on and since I didn't have my headset on yet I couldn't tell her to relax and shut up. The pilot and the other student recognized the smell of brush fire and knew it was wildly different from the smell of an electrical fire, so they just laughed.
It was pretty funny.]]><![CDATA[mobase @ 3/30/2008 10:39:48 PM]]>229455Mobase's War Stories from the Stage
Back when I first started playing in bands, you cut your teeth in the American Legions, the Moose and the VFW's- Learning 1) to play your instrument, and 2) you're not as cool as you thought you were. Th...]]>2008-03-30T22:39:48+01:002008-03-30T22:39:48+01:00Mobase's War Stories from the Stage
Back when I first started playing in bands, you cut your teeth in the American Legions, the Moose and the VFW's- Learning 1) to play your instrument, and 2) you're not as cool as you thought you were. These guys WERE on Iwo Jima, so you ain't gonna impress them with your spandex.
Anyhoo, we're playing a local Moose club on a Sunday afternoon fund raiser, trying to drown out the Bingo being called over the in house PA system- (which sounded like they got it off a soviet aircraft carrier) and not annoy the geezers constantly yelling at us to turn it down.
In the midst of all this, dead in the middle of the dance floor is an elderly couple in their 80's , both drunk as skunks at 1 in the afternoon, dancing haphazardly around. We were playing, and all of the sudden the old guy drops over in the middle of the dance floor. Lucky for him, the fire hall and the EMT's were literally across the street, so two minutes later they arrive to the sight of a elderly woman yelling at her husband to "get up, you drunk sonuvab***h and dance with me.." punctuated by the occasional kick.
The EMT's defib the guy, and he sits up, escapes the grasp of the medics and starts dancing like nothing happened, before being tackled and put back on a stretcher.
We had to keep playing through all this, providing a soundtrack to this whole scene. Tarrantino could'nt have written it better.]]><![CDATA[chinook @ 3/30/2008 10:07:00 PM]]>229441«tundramonkey:
I had one guy convinced that the Niagara Falls turn off when the tide goes out, and another girl believing that due t...]]>2008-03-30T22:07:00+01:002008-03-30T22:07:00+01:00«tundramonkey:
I had one guy convinced that the Niagara Falls turn off when the tide goes out, and another girl believing that due to global warming no-one could build igloos anymore and that we all have to live in tents instead. I know it's mean, but it was still kind of funny.It quits when the tide goes out ... lol.
I also have fun sometimes 'Talking to Americans.' Yes, some people find it hard to work in the winter because the carburators on the skidoos freeze up, but the older people still use dogs and they don't have any problems.
I was ID'd once in Hawai'i, and the woman was like "Alberta? Where's that?"
Before I could answer, the other attendant said "Oh, the State of Alberta's over near Carolina."
That's also the day I discovered that the old Alberta driver's liscences only have one tiny red maple leaf in the corner on the back and didn't actually say 'Canada' anywhere. I guess the disigner was trying to stick it to Snottawa or something.]]><![CDATA[clscott645 @ 3/30/2008 9:58:20 PM]]>229430«titojuante : Just drunken come-ons and he wanted to sleep with her.Gross. I am glad you mostly beat his ass. Too bad you...]]>2008-03-30T21:58:20+01:002008-03-30T21:58:20+01:00«titojuante : Just drunken come-ons and he wanted to sleep with her.Gross. I am glad you mostly beat his ass. Too bad you didn't have more time with him to finish the job.]]><![CDATA[titojuante @ 3/30/2008 9:51:26 PM]]>229424«clscott645 : What did this guy say to her? Did you ever find out?Just drunken come-ons and he wanted to sleep with her.]]>2008-03-30T21:51:26+01:002008-03-30T21:51:26+01:00«clscott645 : What did this guy say to her? Did you ever find out?Just drunken come-ons and he wanted to sleep with her.]]><![CDATA[clscott645 @ 3/30/2008 9:48:01 PM]]>229421«titojuante :
Ahh, good times.What did this guy say to her? Did you ever find out?]]>2008-03-30T21:48:01+01:002008-03-30T21:48:01+01:00«titojuante :
Ahh, good times.What did this guy say to her? Did you ever find out?]]><![CDATA[titojuante @ 3/30/2008 9:31:51 PM]]>229412 Tito and His Girl Go to the Strip Club
This was maybe about seven years ago....
My longtime girlfriend(of the time) used to work the weekends at this bar. One...]]>2008-03-30T21:31:51+01:002008-03-30T21:31:51+01:00 Tito and His Girl Go to the Strip Club
This was maybe about seven years ago....
My longtime girlfriend(of the time) used to work the weekends at this bar. One night after the bar was closed we decided to go with one of the other guys over to the East side and go to a strip club.
We get to the club and are having a good time. My girl and I are at a stage watching the girls and all of the sudden a guy leans over and whispers something in her ear. She feels uncomfortable and wants to change tables. We move to a different table.
About five minutes goes buy and this guy walks past her and runs his hand along her shoulders. I am kinda pissed off and went over to the security and told them about this guy.
A half hour went by and this guy had seemed to stop. Then all of a sudden this guy comes up to her and rubs her shoulders and says something to her and sits at the stage directly behind us. I didn't see this happen but she told me about it right away. I told her not to worry and I would take care of it.
I get up and remain calm and lean over to the guy and say "Hey, do you mind not touching my girlfriend. She doesn't like it and neither do I."
This guy then gets up, he is a big guy too, maybe 300lbs, and says to me some weird stuff. He says "you f**king chink, you come over here and steal our women.".
I smirk and say back to the guy "first off, I am white. I was born here in St. Louis, Second of all, stop f**king touching my girlfriend".
He then takes a swing at me. It wasn't a good punch, he hit me in the face but it wasn't square and it rolled right off of my cheek.
I then punch him in the face and then take my hand and grab him by his throat. I push him over the chair right behind him and he crashes to the floor. I jump on top of him and put all of my body weight into my knee and dig it into his bladder area.
He kept attempting to punch me but could not land one because I still have him by his throat. I am there and jab him a few more times in the face and all of the sudden the dj breaks in over the house PA "Security, we need all security to the pit. Now. Theres a fight."
I stop punching him but continue restraining him. The security comes over pulls me off of him and they escort all of us to the door. They question me what was going on and I told them the whole story.
They kicked the guy out right there and then the dj ran over and said that he saw the whole thing and I was just defending myself.
The security apologized to us and told me that I may stay. These strip clubs never let anyone stay who was fighting. I think because I warned them earlier and they never did anything they felt responsible.
The friend came over, we hadn't seen him for an hour was laughing because he was getting a private dance and heard everything over the PA.
Ahh, good times.]]><![CDATA[suebe @ 3/30/2008 9:10:12 PM]]>229401 Back at the hotel
Peter and I well…. We celebrate the night!!!.
We’re sleeping now…
Suddenly I hear screaming, crashing noises, and “I’m off course”…
Light...]]>2008-03-30T21:10:12+01:002008-03-30T21:10:12+01:00 Back at the hotel
Peter and I well…. We celebrate the night!!!.
We’re sleeping now…
Suddenly I hear screaming, crashing noises, and “I’m off course”…
Lights on. Peter’s on the floor thrashing about. He thinks he’s on an Olympic lunge sled. He’s knocked over the lamp, phone, and is on the floor screaming.
I wake him up. Waiting for hotel security….
Just a dream. Just a dream…
I photoshop him as an Olympic luger (I have to search for that file, sorry).
He actually told his buddies about this. They didn’t let up for years.]]><![CDATA[leehblanc @ 3/30/2008 9:00:48 PM]]>229389«suebe : The Lap Dance
We got back to the hotel and well…Well...? Well...!?! How can you leave us hangi...]]>2008-03-30T21:00:48+01:002008-03-30T21:00:48+01:00«suebe : The Lap Dance
We got back to the hotel and well…Well...? Well...!?! How can you leave us hanging like that.
Could you draw us a picture? Better yet, did you TAKE pictures? ;)]]><![CDATA[suebe @ 3/30/2008 8:30:47 PM]]>229379The Lap Dance
A long long time ago, in a place called Texas, I joined Peter on one of his business trips. We went early so he could spend the weekend playing golf and socializing with his buddies before the conference started. It was also m...]]>2008-03-30T20:30:47+01:002008-03-30T20:30:47+01:00The Lap Dance
A long long time ago, in a place called Texas, I joined Peter on one of his business trips. We went early so he could spend the weekend playing golf and socializing with his buddies before the conference started. It was also my birthday weekend, so it was cool to travel then.
Anyway…after a day of golf (I played caddie) and dinner, the boys decided that we should alll go to a topless joint. Very, very high class joint.
I have no problem with that. I had been with Peter to topless bars before, and the girls always focused on me as an audience member. It turned them on, as well as turning on Peter. Nothing bad.
I was buff and could look the dancers in their eyes and get them crazy. It was a fun experience for both me and Peter. He loved it when the girls danced for me!
His buddies, though, didn’t know this. They thought I would be outraged to be in a topless club.
Heh. Watch them squirm…
We go in, they pick “close seats”, and are a little disappointed that I’m not up in arms over this. Drinks are ordered. Then, they decide that giving Peter a lap dance would be a great idea and a way to see me get really pissed off.
Wrong!!!
The boys pick a special little blonde cutie for Peter’s lap dance and pay her. She walks over and realizes that he’s with me! This disturbs her. She spent easily 20+ minutes talking to me to make sure I wouldn’t be upset or pissed about the lap dance. From minute one I kept telling her that I didn’t’ have a problem with the lap dance, hell, it was her job I kept repeating you’re making $$$ doing this and ain’t that great. I want to see you give Peter the best lap dance ever.
She had trouble accepting that. Kept asking me over and over if it was okay. She was so worried that my relationship with Peter would be compromised if she did a lap dance with him.
I kept telling her, go for it , girl! After 20 odd minutes, she finally did her thing, but looked at me the entire time.
Peter was more amused and not at all turned on by her, but kept looking at me.
His friends were very disappointed by my reactions.
We got back to the hotel and well…]]><![CDATA[leehblanc @ 3/30/2008 7:16:36 PM]]>229330 Okay. I am going to start a looong time ago. One day when I was about 8, I went somewhere (can't remember where... a themepark, or beach) and got a pretty bad sunburn. At the time, we didn't have central air condi...]]>2008-03-30T19:16:36+01:002008-03-30T19:16:36+01:00 Okay. I am going to start a looong time ago. One day when I was about 8, I went somewhere (can't remember where... a themepark, or beach) and got a pretty bad sunburn. At the time, we didn't have central air conditioning, so we all slept in our den, which had a big window unit. I usually would just sleep on the floor, but since I had such a bad sunburn, my mom set up a cot for me. That night, I tossed and turned, going from hot to cold and back again due to the sunburn. Being in this state caused me to have a particularly vivid dream. I was selected to work on a new space station that was being built. I was outfitted with an AWESOME space suit. built into the helmet were two tubes. One was for water when I was thirsty, the other I could suck on for liquified food when I was hungry. This I found quite impressive. More impressive was the fact that whenever I had to go to the bathroom, I just went. The suit would take care of everything. For the next few hours, I bounded around the outside of the space station, fixing this and that, drinking water, drinking food, p*ssing and sh*tting to my hearts content.
The next morning when I woke up, I told my sister about the awesome dream I had the night before, and how it seemed so REAL. As I finished telling the story, my sister wrinkled her nose and asked me if I smelled anything funny. I did. It was then that I realised that although I wasn't REALLY wearing an awesome space suit, I REALLY had spent the whole night happily sh*tting up a storm, and was covered from knee to elbow. I'm guessing that because of the sunburn, I never felt it.
The Pervert at Wal Mart
One day around the time Toy Story came out, I was out with my two year old son and my 12 year old nephew. We stopped at Wal Mart for a few things, and ended up at the toy department. My nephew and son were a few aisles ahead, and while I was catching up to them, I noticed the display of Toy Story toys. I picked up a Woody doll, marveling at how much it looked like the toy in the movie. Just then, from 3 aisles away, my nephew yells out excitedly "Uncle Lee! Are you getting a Woody?!" I felt every eye in the toy department suddenly descend on me, the guy who's nephew squeals with excitement whenever his uncle gets a hard on. I remember standing there for what seemed like forever, before hoisting the toy above my head and shouting "THIS kind of Woody" and hurrying out of the toy dept.]]><![CDATA[dOntEAtpOOp @ 3/30/2008 7:06:41 PM]]>229320 Well, here's another one.
I had just had my first psychadelic mushrooms experience the day before and was about to have ano...]]>2008-03-30T19:06:41+01:002008-03-30T19:06:41+01:00 Well, here's another one.
I had just had my first psychadelic mushrooms experience the day before and was about to have another one.
I ate the shrooms sat in living room on the back of a chair and waited for them to kick in. The moment they did I felt that I needed to be outside in the night air with the stars above me. So I walked out into the yard in my bare feet and walked around.
Directly beside this house is a bar, there was a little hill next to the driveway and then BAM you're in the bar parking lot.
Well one of the letters from their sign was in my yard. So I picked it up and decided to return it to its rightful owners. I walked up the little hill and into their gravel parking lot and entered the bar.
I walked up to the bar and the bartender lady asked if she could help me.
"I found the letter "R" in my yard and I believe it belongs to you," I said, holding the letter up in my hand.
"Oh, thanks," she said, taking the letter from my hand.
I was about to turn around and exit the bar but this middle aged skinny and drunk as f**k guy walked up to me and said "HEY!"
I gave him the "what's up?" nod and said "Hey" right back to him.
He didn't say anything but he pointed to my bare feet and shook his head as though he were disappointed in me. For some reason I felt that I needed to explain myself (it was probably the shrooms).
"Oh, yeah I know. I'm supposed to wear shoes in here. But I was walking around in my front yard and stepped on the Letter R, so I brought it over."
Strangely enough, he seemed to understand.
Without further incident, I exited the bar and returned to the relative comfort of my living room. I watched in amazement as the room expanded all around me, the walls stretching farther and farther away.
Then from outside there was a loud BANG!!, like a stick of dynamite was set off.
I ran outside to find out what the hell that was and everyone in the bar was outside looking around as well.
"What the hell was that?!" I asked.
The skinny as f**k drunk guy recognized me and decided to come walk over and talk to me. Sadly, he did not seem to notice that he and I were on different elevation levels and when he tried to cross from the parking lot to my driveway, the hill took him down. He took one step and then fell flat on his face in my driveway.
I rushed over to him as he rolled onto his back.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
He said that he was fine, so I extended a hand out to him to help him get to his feet. He took my hand and I pulled, but he was all limp.
"Okay, let's try this again," I said.
"Okay," he said.
I pulled, he did not get up.
"Alright," I said to him. "This time, when I pull, put your legs down and try to stand up."
"Ah," he said with his eyes, understanding dawning on him. I pulled him to his feet and patted him on the back.
"There," I said; "that's more like it."
"Did you do that?" He asked.
"Do what?" I asked. At this point I had forgotten why I was outside in the first place.
"Blow something up?" he asked. Oh yeah, now I remember.
"What? No, I don't know what that was," I told him. "I ran outside when I heard the noise."
"Oh," he said.
"Do you know what that noise was?" I asked him.
"It sounded like an explosion," he told me.
That made sense, I guess. And with this new understanding of the events that had transpired, I felt content enough to return to my house and the comforts of my living room.
I never did find out what that noise was.]]><![CDATA[suebe @ 3/30/2008 5:22:41 PM]]>229173The Great Escape
A long long time ago, on a beautiful summer weekend, Peter and I decided it was a great day for a relaxing picnic in the park. I was living in Queens at the time, so we decided to go to The Great Escape
We make a big jug of seabreezes, pack some food, blanket and off we go.
I decided we should camp at the far east side of the park, which was least accessible to public transportation and near a little pitch and putt course. We parked our car under the highway (the Van Wyk Expressway) and enter the park.
We lay down the blanket, start drinking and eating and just relaxing. Cool, right?
No. Turns out this day a large festival is in the park and people are turning out in droves. It's getting really crowded and we can barely hear each other talk. Time to go.
We go to the car and discover that it is buried 2, 3 cars deep. No way we can get the car out. All of the idiots who parked after us didn't think about getting their cars out later. They just parked behind and blocked all the cars. Our car was in the middle of the "rectangle" of cars, blocked in by cars behind and on each side.
We weren't alone - there were 3 other couples walking around trying to figure out how to move the cars. We start planning.
First, the guys decide to try and lift one small car to get it out of the way, which was behind one of our cars. No good, wouldn't budge.
In the meantime, we're all walking around looking for any place where there is a single car parked. Finally find an old sedan in the corner without another car parked behind it. This car has to move for us to get out.
The guys try jimmying open the door, without success. Peter, always resourceful, looks around and finds a brick.
The women are instructed to get into our respective cars and start the engines. Peter smashes the driver's side window of the car, releases the emergency brake and the 4 guys push the car into the street, with the 4 women drivers right behind.
The guys high five all around, jump into the cars and we high tailed it out of there.
Last time I've been to that park.]]><![CDATA[titojuante @ 3/30/2008 4:54:50 PM]]>229125Tito is an idiot
I will try to make this one short because I don't remember all of the details.
One night a friend and I were at a bar and after a few hours of drinking we decided to drive over to East St. Louis and go to a strip ...]]>2008-03-30T16:54:50+01:002008-03-30T16:54:50+01:00Tito is an idiot
I will try to make this one short because I don't remember all of the details.
One night a friend and I were at a bar and after a few hours of drinking we decided to drive over to East St. Louis and go to a strip club.
We were a little drunk, and we see some naked chicks and drink some more. Come four in the morning we decide to go home. He drove back to St. Louis entering through South St. Louis county. It isn't the fastest way home but it will work.
After we cross the Mississippi and enter Missouri he thinks it would be fun to go to cliff cave park. I don't know why but I thought it sounded fun too.
He stops at a Walmart and we go in at 4:30 in the morning drunk and buy some flashlights.
He then drives to Cliff Cave Park and parks in the subdivision next to it. We get out and sneak past the gate and walk down towards the cave.
We get to the gate that blocks entrance to the cave and squeeze past it. We are drunk climbing back in this cave, all I remember from the cave that night is how cold the water was and the hundreds of bats flying overhead. After awhile in the cave we got bored and hiked back to the cave entrance.
We start walking down the trails that goes to the road that heads back up to the car. As I am walking down the trail I begin picking up speed and almost come to a run. I cannot slow down and I hit a patch of slick mud. I slip over the edge and fall about 10 feet onto my back onto a sharp jagged rock. My friend yells out "Holy s**t, are you ok?!". I yell back I am fine. I manage to climb myself out of the creek bed and continue on our way.
I think the only reason I didn't injure my spine is because I was so drunk and my body went limp. The same way drunks survive car accidents.
The other stupid thing about that night was there were flash flood warnings so I could have died twice.
