How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two. One to screw in the bulb, and the other one to hold the penis. I mean, ladder!

I got chosen to be in on something!!

I'm a cool kid now!!

Yippiee!!

Edit: I'm gonna do it before Poop get's the chance:

Hahahahaha, good joke!!

Whahaha! good one!

Where does the general keep his armies?


In his sleevies!

Hahahaha, similar to a stoner joke i heard a while back.


Two nun's in a bath, one says to the other
"Where's the soap"
the other replies
"It does doesnt it"

My favorite joke: How many people of a specific demographic does it take to perform a specified task? A finite number: One to perform the task, and the rest to act in a stereotypical manner.

Pick the month you were born:
January------I kicked
February-----I loved
March---------I smoked
April-----------I dry humped
May-----------I choked on
June----------I murdered
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August-------I had lunch with
September--- I danced with
October------I sang to
November---- I yelled at
December---- I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink----------because I'm NOT a homosexual.
Red----------because the voices told me to.
Blue----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I hate myself.
Purple--------because I'm cool.
Gray----------because I was drunk
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other---------because I'm a ninja.
None----------because I can't control myself

Now type out the sentence you made.

I murdered my brother because the voices told me to.

I kicked a gangster because the voices told me to.

I kicked your mom because that's how I roll.

I yelled at a llama because that's how I roll.

thats something I would probably actually say. even better though, llamas ftw!

I dry humped a fork because that's how I roll???
Ow.
:(

You just be glad it wasn't Chuck Norris! >:(

I say this (or a variant of it) at least once a month!


(Just wanted to bump this back into the spotlight.)

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
2, one to how the Giraffe's leash and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored macjine tools.

I did the macarena with a homeless guy because I'm cool like that.

Yes, yes you are.

A very clever way to find out peoples birthdays. With a little more typing you could find out ages, as well.

BTW: I had lunch with my brother because I was drunk. (I'd have to be, I don't have a brother.)

Usually dead baby jokes are sick, but not sexual. That one was "outta the ballpark homerun" over the top. (Yes, even I was shocked , and I like dead baby jokes.)

What do you call a dead guy laying in fromt of your door? Matt.

What do you call a dead guy hanging on the wall? Art.

What do you call a woman with one leg chopped off? Ilene.

What do you call a dead guy in a hole? Phil.

(some of my fav's from the 8th grade)