Which circle of Hell do you belong in? : Low Bandwidth Version

Seventh Level of Hell

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire

« thenegativeone : YAY, I'll have an easier afterlife of eternal damnation than Sykeo!

I'm pretty sure painting the earth is classed as violence against nature ;-)

« sykeo56 : Damn! I was hoping nobody would call me on that! But there were no questions about painting the earth on the test! How could they have known? And I answered "yes" to the question about reducing the amount of stuff you use!

« sykeo56 : Yikes. Definitely thought I'd only be on the border between hell and purgatory. This test is harsh!

« pocksucket : Hey Sykeo - I'm in the seventh level club too. Extreme level 7, as it goes. We should get together and compare sins over a beer. Got any plans for eternity? Apart from hanging from branches being shat upon by foul harpies, getting scorched by flakes of fire and/or writhing in pain with your woes gushing forth from your eyes, that is.

« davbob : I'll keep you and Sykeo company in level 7. As long as you don't try to have anal or oral sex with me or assassinate me for personal gain.

I'll keep you and Sykeo company in level 7. As long as you don't try to have anal or oral sex with me or assassinate me for personal gain.

« sykeo56 :

I won't make any promises, but maybe the three of us can open a bar down there to help pass the time. We can make some kind of specialty martini to bring in tourists from the lesser circles. It will be garnished with one of the unique poisoned fruits from our trees!

Second Level of Hell

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

« pocksucket : I like that - we call the bar Seventh Heaven for the irony value.

As for the martini, how about 5 parts gin, 1 part vermouth, 1 part eternal damnation and an olive?

« sykeo56 : That's perfect!

All I would change is the quantity of gin. After all, these people are in hell. They're gonna want to at least be good and drunk. Then of course, if we put in less gin they'd have to buy more and put more money into our pockets.
...or maybe it's that kind of thinking that got me into the 7th circle.