What are your neighbors like?
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14
 mobase
3 months ago
« horsefeathers : I think a hair dryer can pass as a radar gun from a distance. I actually know someone that used one once, acting like an undercover cop with his car pulled off the side of the road, car door open, and him leaning between the door jam and car, with hair dryer pointed at traffic.

People actually slowed down.

He was alittle odd.
Yes, but it should be designed to take over their stereos, not slow them down.
Well, slowing them down couldn't hurt either.
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quote #2
8
 Sputum
3 months ago
I live in a rural area, and only have one set of neighbors close by, but they pretty much keep to themselves. I really like it here.

I had a neighbor years ago however, who was a little bit on the flaky side. While I was stationed in Norfolk, Va. in the Navy I got an apartment with an ex-Marine buddy of mine named Chuck. We had a cool downstairs neighbor everyone called "Buzz" who had warned us about "Marie" and suggested that we avoid her. We tried, but no such luck.

We were downstairs getting drunk with Buzz the first time I met her. She came to the door and asked to speak to us. She informed us that she knew we were in cahoots with the secret police and weren't fooling her. She had decifered our signs, signals, and codes so she would be keeping tabs on us. (I immediately hear the Twilight Zone theme playing in my head.)

She was true to her word about keeping tabs. Nothing happened around there without Marie knowing about it. One day while a few of us were walking to the store I saw Marie coming up the sidewalk. I thought maybe if I looked away and avoided eye contact she would walk on by. We met and she walked past. I thought I had made it until she turned around and called to me
"HEY. Where's Dracula?" I think Oh s**t, here we go and reply "I don't know what you're talking about"
"Yes you do" she said "Count Dracula".
I realized she was talking about a guy who hung out with us sometimes. He was very pale skinned, had black hair and crooked eye teeth, and usually wore all black.
And Marie thinks he's a vampire. I shouldn't have done it but I told her "Ummm, it's daytime. He'll be over after dark." I guess it made sense because she just said "Oh", looked up at the sky, and went back to her apartment.

A couple of weeks later she was waiting outside for Chuck when he got home from work. She yelled at him and theatened to sue because he was in league with the people from her church who had set her up to be mugged and then broke into her apartment and put fleas in the carpet.

The last time I saw her I was home alone when she knocked at the door. I didn't want to open the door so I just yelled "Whaddaya want?"
"I want to talk to Chuck. Is he in there?"
I told her "Chuck can't have company right now".
"Why not?"
I really shouldn't have done this, but, I said "He's not in his human form right now - come back in a couple of hours". I thought she was going to fall down the stairs trying to get away.

Poor crazy old lady locked herself in her apartment and didn't come out for at least a week and a half. Finally a family member got the fire department to go in through the window and get her. I guess they moved her to a nursing home or something.
We never saw her again.
104
quote #3
14
 kakana
3 months ago
The neighbors on the left.. I assume are wealthy folks.. bought the house for a weekend place, nice people though.
The neighbor on the right.. Quiet.. not home much, works all the time and keeps to himself.
The neighbor across the road.. s**thead.. has a dog that barks all the time.. always has garbage in the yard.. thinks he's someone special. I can do without him.
So.. two decent neighbors out of three ain't too bad.
41
quote #4
22
 bluenutr...
3 months ago
« kakana :
The neighbor across the road.. s**thead.. has a dog that barks all the time.. always has garbage in the yard.. thinks he's someone special. I can do without him.
You know the neighbors probably thinking the same about you right? "The neighbor across the road... s**thead[...] thinks he's someone special. He hates my dog, my yard, etc."
132
quote #5
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22
 muppet
3 months ago
the woman that lives right next to me has a lot of weird stuff in her yard because she sells things on ebay for a living. she has a cute dog that really wants to play with my dog, but she thinks he will bite her face off.

there is an old couple across the street. they collect a lot of random s**t that sits in their front lawn. they have yard sales every week. sometimes, their customers park along the street in our driveway. i don't really mind, though. the old woman searches the grounds in front of the house with a flashlight every night around 2 am. i've watched her do it for the past 3 years. i still have no idea what she's looking for.

the woman who lives on the other side of me is never home. her two dogs sit in a kennel all day long. it makes me sad. the people who lived in that house before her fought a lot. there were lots of screaming matches. once, i was sitting in front of my house smoking and text messaging someone. all of a sudden, a cop busted out of the bushes on the side of my house. he was sneaking around, and i guess he got a call and was investigating. he had the wrong house. he was supposed to be at that house. i wonder if those people were drug addicts or something. it sure seemed like it. i was glad they moved. the guy who lived in the house previous to those people was a libertarian. he didn't pay taxes, and he was really proud about it.

there is an old man who lives next to the old couple across the street. he has a little maltese type of dog. we have strange conversations sometimes because he is a smoker like me, and he's a night owl too. he lets his dog s**t on the sidewalk and along our fence. i don't really care enough to say anything about it.

the people who live on the other side of the old couple are reclusive and have kids. they used to have a dog in their yard. i never saw it, but it barked and whined a lot. you could tell it never got any attention. one day, i noticed a dog house with a "free" sign on it, and i took it. dog houses are expensive. i wonder if the dog died or if they gave it away.

one of the people farther down the street drives an ice cream cart. it is rather loud, and i am not a fan of hearing frosty the snowman and rudolf the red nosed reindeer in the middle of spring and summer. it disturbs me. i have never seen any children buying ice cream from them. i often wonder what else they do for an income.

there is a woman who lives on the street which our street intersects with. she has two big husky type dogs that drag her down the street every day around 5 pm. her husband is in the military and he usually gets home around 3 or 4 in the morning.

the woman who lives 2 houses down from that couple owns a rottweiler. she has a lisp and is a sweetheart. her dog is just as sweet as she is.

i am somewhat of a recluse, so i don't go out of my way to speak or get to know any of my neighbors. i just don't really sleep much, and i smoke too much so i unintentionally observe them.
44
quote #6
14
 kakana
3 months ago
« bluenutria : You know the neighbors probably thinking the same about you right? "The neighbor across the road... s**thead[...] thinks he's someone special. He hates my dog, my yard, etc."
LOL! You're probably right.. But.. that's the way s**theads think.
0
quote #7
32
 Moe
3 months ago
« muppet :the old woman searches the grounds in front of the house with a flashlight every night around 2 am. i've watched her do it for the past 3 years. i still have no idea what she's looking for.
Please ask her. I won't be able to sleep well anymore without knowing.
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quote #8
8
 Sputum
3 months ago
« muppet : 
one of the people farther down the street drives an ice cream cart. it is rather loud, and i am not a fan of hearing frosty the snowman and rudolf the red nosed reindeer in the middle of spring and summer. it disturbs me. i have never seen any children buying ice cream from them. i often wonder what else they do for an income.
My neighborhood had an ice cream truck that would never stop for kids. We would chase it for blocks, but he just kept going. He would stop for adults though. Turned out he was selling nice dreams instead of ice creams.
80
quote #9
27
 imnotyoo
3 months ago
According to our neighbors, when you walk by our window can smell our incense (nag champa). They also said that we laugh a lot.

Across the parking lot is an overweight business mom-looking woman who has one of those back packs on wheels. Her adult son lives with her. He's scrawny with a recessing hair line and has a shirt that says "I'm not a people person".

Next to them is a young blond guy with very red skin who has a disturbingly obese black lab who they let roam around the parking lot without a leash. It always comes and smells our bushes and our dogs go crazy. I hate it.

The woman next to him gets locked out of her house a lot. This worries her cat.

The end of that building is this Mexican guy and his girlfriend and his rottweiler puppy and her little toy dog thing. If a tornado gets too close, we have the OK to run across the parking lot with our pack of animals and join them in their basement (that building has a basement; ours doesn't).

The guys on the corner are your average dumbass college boys. Right now they have a sign at the curb that says "you honk - we drink". It's a Sunday afternoon and they're already wasted.
128
quote #10
36
 donteatp...
3 months ago
« cheeselog1234:2 of the homes next to mine are 'for sale'.
Well surprise surprise.

lotsofpeople: redneck redneck redneck
I work with a black man in his early 50's who refers to his family as country boys, farmers, and rednecks.
79
quote #11
6
 Murderou...
3 months ago
I have a neighbor that has been married and went through a nasty divorce in which his wife stole his pig. My other neighbors are an older married couple who think (and they have had numerous conversations with me about this) that there are exactly 134 people who want to take over the world, and that the government is using corn-trails from airplanes to poison us all. For this reason they grow their own food (meat, produce) and purify all their own water.

Yep.
94
quote #12
18
 xiatethe...
3 months ago
« imnotyoo : The guys on the corner are your average dumbass college boys. Right now they have a sign at the curb that says "you honk - we drink". It's a Sunday afternoon and they're already wasted.
That is *the* greatest idea ever.
I know what I'm doing next weekend.
44
quote #13
25
 doggyliv...
3 months ago
« MurderousKitty : nasty divorce in which his wife stole his pig
Errrrr, WTF?!
42
quote #14
6
 Murderou...
3 months ago
« doggylives : Errrrr, WTF?!
Ya, thats what I said.

You cant make this kind of stuff up.
25
quote #15
27
 imnotyoo
3 months ago
I was outside gardening with the doggies when I met some of the neighbors.

The couple two units down have been living here for five years. They told me that the old management was awesome and then they recently sold to our current management and the new management sucks. I already knew that, but it was nice to know that I'm not the only tenant who hates our management. They're not resigning their lease.

I then met the blonde woman and the anti-social guy in her basement. They said that they paid the $200 subletting fee and are getting the hell out of here.
0
quote #16
20
 blurmore
3 months ago
« imnotyoo : According to our neighbors, when you walk by our window can smell our incense (nag champa). They also said that we laugh a lot.
mmmmm...nag champa.
28
quote #17
25
 maven
3 months ago
I've learned that my neighbors kitty corner across the street are idiots.

They got a teacup chihuahua, and they put it out in their backyard. Unsupervised. It walks right through the wrought iron gate, and wanders around. I'm certain it's going to be a) Run over b) eaten by a hawk/crow/coyote/neighbors dog/my dog/random small child.


Sigh.
15
quote #18
11
 digitalg...
3 months ago
My upstairs neighbor has ungodly amounts of sex. I left a can of wd40 by her door the other day... the squeaking has alleviated, at least.

I found my neighbor across the alley asleep in my laundry room once (it's on my back porch).
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quote #19
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