OK,

Here is the deal. I'm 31, I've NEVER been to a strip club, and I'd really rather keep it that way. But I'm the co-best (how lame is that) man in my Brother-in-law's wedding and Saturday we are going to the New Ritz Cabaret in Fells Point B'more. This is the first time I've ever been in a wedding party, yes I've photographed OVER 150 weddings and this is the FIRST time someone has been stupid enough to ask me to be in their wedding. I'm honored, but it is all a little surreal.

Here are my major hang ups heebeegeebees about the strip club.

1. I'm not a germophobe, more generally a naked/hornypeopleIdon'tknowophobe, but the whole idea of the place just seems REALLY unhygenic and dirty.

2. I don't really drink much, I won't say I don't have any vices, I just don't drink that much. So the prospect of loosening up and losing my inhibitions about the situation is probably not going to happen.

3. I have a VERY limited number of close male friendships and NONE of them are the kind of relationship that I'd want to be in a room with them while they are getting turned on. The idea of being in a room with a bunch of strange men being turned on, and seeing them give the strippers the "your turning me on" face is possibly the most homoerotic thing I could ever imagine. Their are some faces I NEVER want to see other men make let alone my wife's brothers.

4. I don't like to be touched, especially by people in a position of power ie strippers that are allowed to touch me but I'm not allowed to touch.

5. I don't really enjoy the company of men, least of all drunk and horny men.

6. Spending money/tipping for something I'm NOT going to get, for something I CAN get for FREE at home is just unbelievably stupid.

7. Women who wear makeup/shave their genitals/have fake parts/and need to eat don't turn me on...they disgust me.


My questions are. Can I wear sunglasses, keep my hands in my pockets, and politely say no to aggressive lap dances and get away with it?

Do I have to tip the girl on stage if I'm not actively participating/paying attention to her?

Any help or reassurances would be greatly appreciated, at this point I may just end up getting sick Friday night and having to stay home Saturday.

1. In my (limited) experience, while I would not recommend eating off the stage floors, I think the whole "unclean" thing is more hype than reality. But, please do wash up after using the toilet...

2. Just get a beer or two and nurse them. Odds are that no one will be paying much attention to how fast you are drinking.

3. Meh...I can relate to this one a little. Just try and ignore it, which should be easy as they are usually dark places.

4. DO NOT let on this fact under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER!!

5. See #3

6. Yes, but everyone has to do something stupid at least once in life. Usually more than once. To quote a Great American "Everyone has the right to make an ass of themselves if they want to"

7. I agree on all parts wholeheartedly. You can ride it out though I am sure. I don't think anyone will be watching you as a rule...so don't give them a reason to!

No to the sunglasses...it will only draw more attention to you.

NO to the hands in pockets...need I say more?

Yes to saying no to aggressive lap dances. They might do it anyway though...my advice if that happens...just ride it out. It will be over in a few moments.NoI strongly advise AGAINST this. There are things in life you should do, regardless of the distastefulness. Seriously, do not blow off your Brother-In-Law's bachelor party. Not only will you look like more of an ass than if you went and looked bored, but you really should bond with your relatives in general if they are not psychotic.


Don't worry so much about it and it will actually be better than you are envisioning. It sounds like you may be getting more worked up than is necessary. If you just let it happen, I bet the evening will go off without a hitch and will be over before you know it.

You raise valid points (esp. #3) about the whole strip club thing, blur. Always seemed kind of gay to me, too. Guys watching their buddies get all horned up? yeah, gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that (sorry, don't mean to sound like a homophobe b/c I'm really not).

BUT, it's a family wedding so I think Moe's right - you need to pacify everyone by making an appearance. Is there any way you can get together with everyone before the club, then once you get there leave after one drink or something? Maybe tell everyone next round's on you, then leave right after... you'll at least leave on a good note.

Then again, I'm not a guy so what do I know about batchelor parties! :)

I would not recommend leaving in the middle of the party...people can get the wrong idea really easy and may believe it or not get offended if you do. Keep your family, they are the only ones you have.

Your strip clubs might be pretty different from ours on Vancouver Island, but generally up here there are plenty of men who are more interested in enjoying their pint and talking about the game than salivating around the stage.

I suggest you sit and have a pint, drink it slowly and enjoy what little conversation arises. If you pay the girls less attention, they generally have less to do with you too; that's been my experience.

Walk in last with your group. If they head to the stage area, it might just be filled up before you get there--then you choose a table a bit further away.

I have never tipped a stripper and I don't think I would ever feel compelled to either.

I wouldn't bother with the sunglasses and yes, telling the lap dancers a friendly "no" will surely prevent them from squirming all over you. I'm pretty sure these dancers see regular wedding parties with men in attendance who would rather be at home with the wife.

All the best with this blur.

take a book to read...you might need a flashlight...j/k

You should consider being the Designated Driver, it gives you an excuse to be there but not be drinking and the ladies will respect you for it, just hopefully not too much.

I agree with Moe, if you do drink, just get a beer or two and sip on them, they are extremely overpriced.

I agree with you completely on the dirtiness factor and the not wanting to tip for something you don't want - you may just have to fake it for the night. Don't get too drunk or you might spend more than you expected. And definately let your lady know everything you just wrote above.

Molly says, "Remember you are there for your bro, try not to ruin his night."

Yes, generally, going to strips clubs doesn't make a lot of sense. As you said, pay money, get even more horny and that's it.

Now at one time I used to live with 2 strippers so I used to go to their club(s) all the time, but I was there as a friend and didn't play the "mark" crap.
Being there as a friend was a much more relaxed situation. And I did have fun. Ah... the days of youth.

Seriously, just sit back and relax. You can watch the show without having to being an active participant. Remind yourself you're doing it for your brother-in-law.

Oh yea...kudos to you for

A) Admitting the truth about the topic

B) Asking advice about the topic

99.9% of the guys I know would never even consider doing either.

My wife thinks I should stop obsessing and that it is about time I went. I told her if she is so hot for me to go why doesn't she come with...and she was just like eww (for which I don't blame her) It doesn't help that I am an only child, and her brothers are like totaly strip club pros, know I've never been, and know I'm apprehensive. Only thing I have going for me is they are a family of hobbits, and I am six feet tall, older than them and have no qualms about smacking them around if necessary.

But if the end of the party is in a private hotel room....RUN!!! (Especially if you get there and there aren't any 'girls' there, and everyone else has their hands in their pockets and are leering at you...)

Just admit to yourself that you won't be completely at ease and remember this is all about humiliating the groom, not your comfort. Suck it up and make him squirm.

That said, I think you may have the wrong idea about what goes on. Unlike what you see on TV, things in a strip club are pretty sedate (except for the occasional drunk or groom-to-be). Unlike women at a male-strip party, guys tend to sit and watch more than yell and scream and make a scene. (You DO NOT want to know how I know this, but trust me.)

The girls are looking to part you from your money as painlessly as possible, and embarrassing you rarely accomplishes this. However, embarrassing the groom is likely to get money from his friends! (They are experts at figuring the angle.)

Stick to non-alcoholic drinks, sit at a table where you can make it obvious you are not looking for one of the girls to have a seat on your lap, and keep sending them at the groom. Trust me, they don't want to waste their time making you uncomfortable and pointing them at a groom to be will take all the attention from you.

You just might find you will get into the party spirit and have fun.

ONe last word: If you are sober, and some in your party are not, THEY WILL think they are special and that the girls really like them. They may even convince themselves that they are taking one home. DO not leave these guys behind. They are sleeping alone tonight.

Sticking out might be a problem. Sit at a table, in the seat where you can see while your legs are UNDER the table. Make the groom swivel around and expose his lap.

Also keep in mind that the average girl is in her early twenties. When I was young, I was a regular at a few places. I have gone to a few since getting married and I find that these girls are WAYYYY TOO YOUNG for me. Kinda killed the buzz the first time a girl sat on my keys and I found out she was younger than my kids.

I don't know about that specific club, so I can't comment as to cleanliness... probably as clean as a sports bar or regular dive. Yeah, wash up after the restroom. Other than that, OOoooh, look, BEWBS!

Most of your points are exactly what kept me from 'dating' for ages...

Seriously, though, you won't be attacked. As far as lighting and such, a quick recon alone beforehand may be in order. Just tell them you're a best man, etc, they won't hassle you for 'getting the lay of the land'

Here in SoCal, the only clubs that sell alcoholic drinks are only allowed to be topless. So a full nude club will only have soda, coffee, water, etc..

These girls do this for a living. No, you don't have to tip ANYONE but your server, and no, they won't be all grinding on you if you send out the 'no thank you' vibe. And especially if you say "no, thank you". Tipping someone you're not into while they are dancing is like tipping someone else's waiter. They'll take the money, but they won't diss on a customer who ignores them... mostly! (Some are saucy, or may think you're cute!)

Even in the land of weird altered bodies, there are some AMAZING young athletic women working in this field. While you may not like the stage asthetic, you may see an amazing performance or two :-) My hubby has described some routines he'd seen in his wild youth on the road, makes me wish I could either see them myself, or recreate them for him, starring me!

Probably ok to just sit and chat, maybe comment on a pretty dancer, or amazing ability, or even good song. Sitting quietly may make you a target for ribald daring, so don't be too much of a wallflower.

Look but don't touch IS a good rule. I never was icked out by the thought of going to a club until you pointed out the turned on men factor!! And hubby concurs, there can be 'elevator moments'. Just relax, giggle, and maybe crack a clean joke. The moment should pass, and you won't die.

And you may see some couples, both m/f and f/f who are in the audience. If you do, know that the place may have a better hygiene to skank ratio!

You can drink whatever the heck you want, you are an adult. With all the anti drink and drive campaigns, I think no one will look askance if you order a soda instead of a cocktail!

You could be surprised, instead of a 'room full of turned on men', you will be in a family group of carousing goofy guys. The girls are good sports, and know the limits, legal and social, in most cases.....

If they know your group is a bachelor party, THEIR target is the groom! He might get invited onto the stage to 'dance' for the crowd; also you may have a semi private room with 2-5 girls for your group. This should ease your anxiety. Mingle and meet, do the male bonding thing if you don't want to watch the pretty panties run.

As far as when to leave, that IS tough... If there are family members there, they will know your personality, so maybe say after an hour or so, jump up and say "enough! I need to get back to the wife/gf!!" Yeah, they'll laugh, but again, if you buy a round or two, they won't think any less of you for leaving 'early'.

And unless the club is a hot, fun place, you all may end up at a sports bar, watching football in a dark room with a group of turned on guys!

I went to a bachelorette party at a GREAT transvestite cabaret place. We had a BLAST!!!

The harder part is standing in the church, waiting to catch the hungover, frightened groom before he faints!

Have fun!

If they ARE obviously not sober, and are alone or driving, TAKE THEIR KEYS, CALL THEM A TAXI, or the sleeping alone could be in a cell!!!

And then you have to deal with the wrath of the bride!!

Just 'cause she dances go-go
It don't make her a ho, no
Maxine, put your red shoes on
We going to the disco
We gonna eeeelope to Meeeexico
Called up my mama, said I'm in love with a stripper, yo......


I like FD's idea of being DD; not only does it make you look cool w/ the whole idea, but you look responsible. This is especially a good idea if you don't usually drink; you'll be helping ensure there is at least one less drunk on the road.

BTW: Sunglasses, especially mirrored ones spell C-R-E-E-P-Y to a girl. So maybe not use those so much.

What I meant by that was, hate it all you want, just don't let it show enough so that it ruins the groom-to-be's night. Like when my mom makes me go to Easter Sunday. I loathe it, but I put on a fake smile because it's makes her day to see me there (which I think is completely stupid, but that's a topic for another time).

Maybe you could wear a pink shirt and do your hair a little more spunky. Then all the girls would just assume that you're gay. Don't forget the cliche lisp.

If you don't go the designated driver route, I sometimes want to stay completely sober, but don't want the hassle from the others in my group "because I'm no fun". Then I'll order a gin and tonic loud enough for everyone to hear what I'm drinking. Then after the first one (if you don't order a double, they usually water down the drinks to increase their profit margin, so you shold still be perfectly sober after one), I always order plain tonic water with lime. Obviously, if you don't like gin, you can get a light rum and coke and then just order coke the rest of the night. Everyone still sees me drinking, but they don't know there's no alcohol in them.

Then I usually have a great time watching my friends get pretty silly. I end up laughing most of the night and then telling them all about how they acted for years afterwards.

I think you will be suprised how many women DO go with their Significant Others to strip clubs.

Actually, I go with my hubby and he says it is boring when I am not there. One stripper in particular used to buy ME drinks. She was working her way thru art school.

I admire those girls as most of them are PUTTING themselves thru school and are not wasting the money they are making.

I, like bcgrote, am amazed that these gals can do what they do in those shoes and on the pole. I love the music and I love to watch them dance.

We bought a playboy just to get it signed from these local gals....one of which is forever sitting on my lap when we go there...lol..

Satterfield triplets

Anyways, they are "friendly" in there, but not overly so, unless you are sending out vibes that you want them to be. You may be approached for a dance and you can decline. They won't hang around for long, as time is money.

As a woman, the grabby rules don't apply to us, for the most part....Only speaking from my experience...Men aren't allowed to touch the strippers, but I have had them grab my boobs and dare me to grab them. Of course, I did.

That stuff don't fly with guys. In fact, that'll getcha kicked out!

Yep, I know what TraumaMamma is talking about. Strippers enjoy the women being there. Especially if they are flirty.

As far as you going, I agree with everyone that suggested being the designated driver. It will keep you sober, and you will be the hero.

Take very little cash, and don't flash it. If you don't want a lap dance, tell them no thanks. They will leave you alone. If they persist, tell them you are broke. Believe me, these women work for money and that is all. If they perceive you are tight with your money, poor, or both, they will treat you like a leper.

Guys, for the most part, do not act like horn dogs in strip clubs. They sit there, and watch. If they are constantly pulling out money, that will be your only sign they are horny or want attention. The majority of guys know these girls just want their money, and they are fine with this arrangment. Occasionally some guys get drunk and may get out of hand. They are normally asked, then told to leave. There are burly guys around who's only job is to protect the girls. They won't put up with any BS. Guys getting out of hand will get a strip club shut down, and no one working there wants that.

Believe me, guys will look more bored than anything else. Try to have a positive outlook about going. This is what your brother in law wants, so do it, this once, for him. You may end up actually having a good time.

hijack Wyclef. I photographed him in concert once, awesome show. He freestyled in English, french and spanish. WOW.

/hijack

Ahh, the strip club. I used to have a huge crush on my friends sister in middle school. She was in seventh grade and I was in eighth. My entire days were spent wanting to see her naked. Nothing ever happened between us.

One day she decided to become a stripper. A bunch of us went to the strip club one night, and she was there.

Morale of the story; I got to see her naked for a dollar.