I'm throwing this question out there just to see what state of mind all my fellow plimates are in. The reaosn being is I've had several people(not exactly here) have emailed or commented me on my stance as being polyamorous that its wrong and goes against our nature. The question is:

As human beings do you truly believe we are meant to be monogamous or are we by nature polyamorous?

Just to give you an idea of my relationship, my partner and I both have agreed that if we wanted to sleep with another person the rules are 1) ask for approval 2) make sure you're protected and 3) know the person you're sleeping with. He's allowed to sleep with other men and women as long as I know about it beforehand and we at least have known that person for a while, say 3 months and me vice versa.

So lets see what ya'll wonderful and crazy people think!

BTW: please try to keep the religious tones to a MINIMUM. This is a sex forum afterall.

Oh, this should be good.

I think it depends on the person. I know I wouldn't be able to handle being intimate with more than one person at a time (I dated two guys once, and they were in different cities so it wasn't hard to hide one from the other, but I found it to be emotionally exhausting).

I definitely don't think being polyamorous is wrong, I just know it's not for me.

As tundramonkey said. It depends on the people involved.

I know a couple that is polyamorous. It worked great for them for a long time, though I believe the female got way more oppotunities than the male. Anyway, at one point they had a friend staying with them, and he slept with the wife, and then the wife ended up falling in love with this guy, which had always been a no no with the couple. Sleep with others but as soon as feelings develop, that's it. It was a little harder when he was actually living with them.

There was a time of stress as the three of them worked it out, but 5 years later, they all live together, and it seems to work out pretty well, for the most part. The husband, who makes pretty good money, is the main breadwinner, and as such, does little around the house. The wife works part time and does most of the cooking and cleaning. The other man works part time, and does all the household repairs and outdoor work (they have an acre lot with a pool).

The funny thing is once they became a threesome, they stopped sleeping with other people. It seems to work out better for the males, as the female sometimes complains about having to make two men happy all the time.

It wouldn't work for me, but I'm fine with what other people do.

I think sex can too easily have emotional attachment.

Back when I was a young stud (now, I'm just a middle-aged stud), I had girlfriends and I had "f"-buddies.

In almost every "f-buddy" relationship, one of us (sometimes me, sometimes her) started feeling emotionally connected and wanted the relationship to go to the next level.

This is where the problem begins - especially if your in another "emotional" relationship. Most people cannot emotionally handle it when their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever is not completely committed to them.

Which, funny enough, leads me to believe that one-nighters are good...you have the f-buddy thing, you get the thrill of a new partner, but there is little chance of an emotional attachment.

madhatteraggie - if you and your boyfriend have a good open relationship, then I applaud you. Those are very difficult to come by.


Now - to answer the question about "are we meant to be monogamous or are we by nature polyamorous?", I think we are physically wired to by polyamorous. Emotionally, on the other hand, is a different story.

But, I would like to finish my diatribe with one, all encompassing statement:

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

Shouldn't it be whatever happens on Plime, stays on Plime? :-P

Nope, I'm talking about the Great Plime Convention of 2009

I think humans are definitely hardwired to by polyamourous, at least physically. We are animals, after all.

I think our emotions make us more monogamous. We can comprehend emotions such as trust, guilt, jealousy, and honesty as well as love and compassion.

I don't think being polyamourous is wrong, though.

"BTW: please try to keep the religious tones to a MINIMUM. This is a sex forum afterall."

You imply that a religious person would have an aversion to sex, or that sex and religion (in my case, Christianity) don't mix. Western culture seems to view sex as a naughty thing and I strongly disagree. I think our sexuality is meant to be enjoyed and it is an expression of love and connectivity. I do believe that sex is a sanctified act that was intended to be a part of a covenantial marriage relationship. (I could say more, but in the spirit of minimalism will stop! I will gladly add to these thoughts upon your invitation.)

I am of the whatever makes you happy camp and if people are able to deal with the issues of open relationships than no problem. Most of the couples I have seen go that route end up calling it quits. My guess is that one or the other was not happy in the "main" relationship to begin with so maybe the motivation to seek out additional partners was really to seek out a new "main" partner.

I consider myself pretty lucky to be in a very strong and satisfying (wink wink) relationship. I don't have any interest in pursuing additional lovers. It seems like it would overly complicate my life and I don't think that any additional sex would compensate for the additional stress.

I understand what you're trying to say, but what I had meant was that I didn't want people to start quoting from the Bible, Quaaran, Torah, etc. about why this is wrong. I'm meerly trying to discuss whether NATURALLY we have it in ourselves to be monog or poly.

Well then, I would freely admit that our sexuality causes us to be sexually aroused by more than one person at a time. But I don't feel that by its self is a reasonable argument for something other than marital sex. I have many physical, natural reactions to the world around me. There are moments when people make me angry. As a small child I was trained how to handle my natural urge to hit people who made me angry, and therefore I don't go around begrudging the fact that I cannot hit whoever I please. I also have a natural desire for prosperity and comfort, but was similarly trained that I could not simply take whatever I wanted or even needed, so I work and buy provisions for myself and my family. I am sure that you agree because these two examples are almost universally accepted, violence and theft. I think, though, that sexuality is just the same. The problem is we live in a highly sexualized culture. Sex is not an intimate expression of a covenantial love, a gift shared between two who are united spiritually first and physically second. Culturally sex is something you get from someone, not give to someone. Sex is celebrated as naughty, not holy. Sex is greatly cheapened and not highly valued. I would not give something precious and special (namely myself and my sanctity) to any but one, my wife. Only this way can I most freely and fully be a sexual being.

I see nothing wrong with it. I think you can separate sex and making love.

I just upvoted you to 69!! hahahaha!

Now I can say that my last 69 was with TraumaMamma!

WOOT....

Oh, baby, it won't be your last!

I guess I should have phrased that better...

The last time I had a 69 was with TM....I'm sure there will be more, but you were involved in AT LEAST one of them....

The way I see it Aggie, is like this: We as humans see potential partners (either sexual or otherwise) all the time, and want the opportunity to (for males) spread our seed, and (for females) find the best seed out there. The physical enjoyment is wonderful, and enhances the want for humans to do those things. As far as emotions, it really depends on the person. I myself am a romantic, and I love treating my special lady like a queen, but I'm honestly not sure how I could handle a polyamorous relationship. I guess I have to experiment and find out what works for me.

I definitely could not handle a polyamorous relationship, I have always believed sex to be a very important and meaningful act. I have never slept with anyone that I didn't care for deeply, and I never would.
I would never try and impose my views on others, but I do feel that people who take the view that "We're just animals, its our natural urge to want to have sex with every girl we see" are forgetting the key reason we have sex, to produce offspring, and that the conventional family is probably the best method for raising kids.
Birth control doesn't always work, my girl was on birth control AND we used a condom and she still ended up pregnant. Luckily we are totally in love and are both super happy to be raising a family together.

Im sure there is someone out there for me. And I will happily be monogamous.

Running around poking your wang into things that dont belong to you could get you introuble. There are so many STD's out there now. Hell, Gential Warts is becoming the new AIDS, you can get it even if you are using protection. Its scary.

So, I will continue in my usual course of finding one woman at a time, and sticking with them until I find the right one.

Man... I hate when I come into a thread to find that everyone has already said what I was going to say.

If that's what you're into go for it.

If you're in a relationship with someone my stance on the issue changes to "if that's what you're both into, go for it."

Personally, I couldn't share my wife. I couldn't handle it emotionally. She and I have pledged to one another that there will be no one save for she and I, and I will not betray that pledge (and neither will she).

Do I ever see a fine looking chick and think about her romanticaly? Sure. There was a girl who started working with me who had a crossed eye but was otherwise gorgeous; I was quoted as saying "Man, I would f**k that eye straight!" But I never even attempted to follow through with that, didn't even flirt. I'd feel guilty as hell if I did because I would be betraying my wife on something very serious to both of us.

I sometimes flirt with women (online or in real life) but I am always clowning around and just being an ass. I'm never serious, and the way I "flirt" it is obvious that I'm not serious anyway... at least I hope that's obvious.

But I really do sleep with all of your moms. My wife is well aware and doesn't mind.