I know all and see all. If you need an answer, I can help. Ask your most important questions here for a sarcastic and possibly offensive answer.

All-knowing poop, where should I go on my next set of days off?

Oh, Mighty Poop... why am I the only one in the house that can change a toilet paper roll or hang up a towel?

Wait... I can't quite get a clear reading. Please take your top off.

...

Uh-huh... okay. I'm feeling something now... Really feeling it.(sorry about that).

You should come to my house. Free mustache rides.

gnikgnok, your skill of changing the tiolet paper rolls is unparalleled. So impressive is your ability to effectively change the roll, that no one else wants to do so for fear of marring your perfection. Perhaps if you weren't so good at it, others would not be so intimidated to try.

meh.

How can I attain the level of humility and enlightenment that you have achieved?

Why do hotdogs come in packs of 10 and hotdog buns come in packs of 8?

Get on your knees so that you may suck it from my fleshy tube of enlightenment.

Your hot dogs have long since expired. Please stop eating them. They started putting hotdogs in 8 packs YEARS ago. Buy ballpark, them plumpen when you cook them.

Why is it that your avatar looks like a cross between Che Guevara, Jimmy Connors serving with a green paper bag, and a youthful Chris Kristofferson?

Why didn't you show us your fridge?

Because it's Jim Henson. And I think your eyes were crossed. Uncross them, you'll see.

I don't have a camera. Or a fridge.

Come on people, you have before you a bonafied seer and this is the type of question you ask? Are these truly the questions burning into your hearts?

Why do my tomatoes all ripen at the same time?

Wait... I'm having trouble getting a clear read on this...

Please remove your top... Thank you.

Wait... yes... I'm definately feeling something. I'm feeling it now (oh yeah). Should be a few more minutes.

...

Ahh...

Right, will your tomatoes ripen simultaneously?

No.

Thanks, please come back for another free reading.

Ok... here's one:
How the HELL am I going to juggle the next 4 months of kids, work, school, house, yard, and still Plime?!

Also: do I look fat in this?

The answer to the last question has to be "NO"

Of course it does... I was checking to see if he was paying attention. Any other answer and I'd sic zombiesteelshooter on him!

Any husband/boyfriend worth his salt can only answer something like: "You look even slimmer in that than in your other clothes!".

As you can see, I'm well-trained.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!