when i was young (REALLY young), my dad bought me a talking big bird doll. it was kind of like one of those teddy ruxpin dolls. he took cassette tapes, and i would do read-alongs with him. it was absolutely magical. i loved him so much that my dad took me all around the island looking for the cookie monster version. we finally found him, and i loved them both. i think i was the happiest kid in the world (except maybe for those damn lucky b*****d kids who got those life sized power wheels and got to ride up and down the street).

my mom had this bad habit of donating all of my toys while i was at school. it wasn't a bad habit, actually. i liked that she donated things instead of throwing them away. the thing is, we really didn't get too many toys so i cherished all of the ones i had. i mean, REALLY cherished. i used to feel guilty when my parents would spend money on me because money was tight and even at 5 years old i knew money was a BIG, BIG deal (my parents used to fight about it a lot). long story short, i resent my mother for donating my big bird and cookie monster dolls. i cried for DAYS. i just remember coming home and not seeing them in my room and freaking the hell out. i think she felt pretty bad once she realized how much they meant to me. 20 something years later, i still want them back. i found the big bird on ebay, and i'm going to be buying him. i can't find the cookie monster, though.

i think it kind of changed my life, you know? i'm a total pack rat these days. i can't let go of anything. i keep all kinds of weird s**t. i think it's because my mom took things away from me before i had a chance to let them go myself. even after thinking there is a reason for it, i still can't get over it. my house is a mess and all i really want to do is get those damn dolls back. and when i do, i will find those cassettes, and those books, and i will listen to them and play with them. i will pass them along to someone else when i'm good and ready.

dammit.

(do i sound completely insane yet? because i kind of am)

I get it.

I'm the opposite. My mom is a packrat, and I can't STAND that I keep accumulating 'stuff'. I recently got a scanner so I can start scanning in a bunch of my stuff from high school and get rid of the hard copies.

And my mom still has some of the treasured toys from my childhood. Last month, she actually sent me a box of McDonald's happy meal toys that I'd collected when I was in high school that were still at her house. I told her she could have just pitched them...But she couldn't. :)

Hello I thought I was alone in my quest for my big bird. I am a pack rat too. My mom got our toys any way i was about 5 to 7 and it was christmas and i recieved a big bird, little people school house and other toys. My dad was mean his friends came over an thier daughter wanted my toys i hid them in the closet. She was a only child and was demanding I had 3 siblings. My dad made me give her all my toys even my beloved big bird, my brother and sisters didnt have to give up any toys, I was so hurt. I am 43 now and today- today layed eyes and hands on my big bird- well one just like mine he is old and worn but I found him on ebay and I got him back today. I have cried several times that hole in me is fixed, as for my dad he continued giving my things away while I was underage, I am an official pack rat! Thanx to someone out there who took care of this big bird. And we are not wierd people!

Keep telling yourself that.